ManyWeavers...

Peter and Me

2011-09-27T19:42:00.000-07:00

Peter, walking on the water, his eyes on Jesus and his heart full of faith. Full of confidence, he knows that Jesus won't let him sink........or will He? Peter falters for a second and looks around. What if? What if Jesus isn't big enough or maybe doesn't care enough? His feet begin to slowly lose their confidence and the water starts to rise. Jesus? Are you out there?

Peter is a close relative of mine. Today i started sinking. I am no super woman and i can't do it all. I started out full of faith, trusting that God can do the impossible in my life. I can homeschool, carry yet another child under my heart, take care of my mother, keep a clean house, cook good meals, minister to the hurting around me, read to our children, laugh and love with my husband, prepare for childbirth, deal with hormones.......all because my eyes are on Jesus and He won't let me down. Me and Jesus. Right Jesus? Jesus? Are you still there?

Today the water didn't just cover my feet, they covered first my heart and then my entire being. I took my eyes off Jesus, looked around at the impossibility of my life, and realized i can't. In despair, I lost my temper with a child and afterwards i sat and held him and cried. I cried for all the little hurts that i give my children and i cried for all the little and big hurts that come into my life and for all the things i wish i could do and be. My little son laid against me and when i was finally calm, he looked at me and smiled, his eyes full of love. He deserves better than me but he doesn't know that. Yet. Will he someday? I held his face in my hands and whispered that i was sorry and that i love him. He nodded, believing in me, and i felt the water recede just a bit.

I'm still surrounded, the waters lapping at my feet, waiting to suck me under........ me and the ones i love best. Is my faith big enough to keep walking? When the waves around me are higher than my head, will i have the strength and courage to look to Jesus? When i can see only the failures and ugliness in my life, will Jesus still be waiting for me to walk on the water with Him?

After supper and a hot bath, i sit on the couch with three little boys surrounding me, along with a few big ones, and we look at a book. They snuggle beside me, secure and happy, and i know that i have no choice but to keep my eyes on Jesus. He is my only hope, OUR only hope........my only lifesaver.

The waters are still there........but Jesus Himself stands tall, bigger than any wave that threatens to wash over me. By faith i will turn my eyes back to Him.

I am a woman

2011-08-26T17:58:00.000-07:00

I am a woman. And i like to be right. Always. Especially with my husband. In a disagreement? Back off and acknowledge that i am right and he won't get hurt. Any other woman out there know the feeling?

When Marlin and i were first married, i couldn't tolerate him ever thinking that he was right and i was wrong. Was it a red car or orange? Trust me, it was whatever color i said it was and i would argue myself blue in the face to prove him wrong. I had strong opinions and didn't hesitate to let everyone know when i felt they were messed up in their heads for thinking differently. It's a wonder i had any friends and it's no wonder that i almost lost my marriage.

God has done a great work in my heart these last 10 years, but there is still a whole lot more needed. I am continually amazed at how quickly i slip back into old habits, and how that turns me into a critical wife. And i ever so "sweetly" let him know when he's wrong. That's called manipulating and it's despicable. I love being around Marlin every day, all day. I watch him and the children outside and i feel like the luckiest woman alive to get to be with him constantly. But with that comes the challenge of being honest and forthright, but never manipulating and controlling and to be honest, i don't have that balance figured out yet. Each man is different, but each man wants to be respected and looked up to as the greatest man alive. But the greatest man in my life is human and makes mistakes. Not to mention that he doesn't like to be wrong either. ;)

So just tonight i was mulling over some issues that i felt God needed to deal with him on, and something small happened that made me sit up and pay attention. Just like that i realized that i was in that old rut of "he's wrong and i really need to tell him but i can't because i'm spiritual and submissive, but I AM SO RIGHT!"

I was wrong. Dead wrong, and may God have mercy on my female soul. Marlin likes me feisty and with opinions, but as long as i am not under the ruling power of the Holy Spirit, the very thing he likes about me will destroy us.

I am a woman and by the grace of God, i pray that my children will someday say that their mama was willing to be wrong.

In need of a broom

2011-08-24T18:32:00.000-07:00

It's been a long day. We left yesterday at 6:40 a.m. for Vermont to look at cows and at 5:30 in the evening we finally reached my sister's house. It was a long day yesterday too. They were good long days, (minus the normal bumps when you travel with 7 young children, a 7 month pregnant lady, and a van without air conditioning) since it's been almost a year since we took even an overnight trip and the children were so excited. We had a great time with my sister and her family and i fell in love with the area and the old restored houses. I just love New England style homes, with their straight lines and painted clapboards. It's amazing to me how each state is so different. Sometimes i feel almost sad that i can only experience one state or place at a time, since this world is such an interesting place. Just think of all the friends waiting to be met and relationships that could be built if we only had the time. And money. I almost forgot how much money it takes to travel, even when you pack all your meals in a blue cooler, and sleep at a sister's house. Thankfully rest areas are free and McDonald ice cream cones make children happy. Except when you hand a 3 year old twin a kiddie cone, forgetting when you ordered how very small kiddie cones are, and he is terribly offended that he doesn't have a big one like the big children. What's a mama to do but make sure his will is surrendered and he happily eats his 1 inch tall cone, and then allow him (and every other large gaping mouth in the van) to help finish off her mango pineapple smoothie.

But now we're back and happy to be home. My heart is slowly starting to feel that this is actually home and for that i'm very grateful. But i'm forgetting why i'm posting in the first place. Marlin rushed off to brother's meeting this evening and in the frustration of trying to get some very grouchy children bathed and in bed, i wasn't exactly gracious, kind, or long suffering. While i didn't raise my voice, my frustration showed through.

And then i was handed a small card from one of the children that had frustrated me the most. He had no clue of how i felt inside when i was ordering him to get his behonkus in gear or pay the price, so it made the card all the more sweet. But one of the sweetest moments for me was looking out at the table and seeing this. Big brother helping little brother get the card and words just right, to bless their mother who not long before felt like taking her broom to a certain backside. I should have just taken the broom to my own.

Our Summer

2011-08-11T14:25:00.000-07:00

My feet hurt, so i sit down at the computer with a sigh, taking a deep sip of my iced berry, berry tea. (thanks Licia, it's hits the spot.) I prepare to write yet another blog post that i will probably never post. I think it's a pregnancy thing......go figure.

It's been a busy summer. An unusual one, thanks to the flooding that happened a couple of months ago. A certain Weaver creature, we're not sure who but suspect the large, brainless, pregnant one, left an upstairs bathroom faucet on full blast and then went on her way to a Bible study with her family. 4 1/2 hours later they return to three flooded stories, water cascading down the living room steps, the basement steps, standing water upstairs, in the kitchen, on the kitchen counter, in the playroom, storage room, laundry..........We (or should i say Marlin) gave up sucking water into a shop vac at 2 a.m. and went to bed. Long story short, insurance covered all new flooring upstairs and down, along with new formica in the kitchen and new paint in the main part of the house. In defense of the unlucky person, there was no water pressure when they had left the house prior to Bible study, thanks to a large tank of water being filled at the barn, causing all water pressure to cease upstairs. We left, water pressure came back on and viola', flooding...........of course, i took pictures of the devastation, only to have my incredibly wise husband not so wisely delete most of the pictures on the camera, thinking that I had saved them on the computer. I don't even know how to save pictures, so i'm not sure where he got that impression. ;)

So now we are almost done with remodeling. It wasn't radical compared to some remodels, but for us, it was perfect. The house now feels more like ours and not so much like mom and dad's. Ironically, just weeks prior to the flooding, i had reached a place of complete contentment with the house. Sure, it needed a face lift, but God had done a work in both my heart and Marlin's in contentment. One thing that really surprised me was the calm and peace in my heart when i walked in that night to the sound of water. It had been an incredibly rough week up to that point and i had shared at Bible study that i felt at a very weak place in my faith......so why wasn't i beyond discouraged that night? I found out when a friend shared a couple of days later that on Friday she was mowing the lawn and it came to her strongly that she needed to pray for the Weavers. Once again i was blown away by the God we serve.

So we have the hardwood flooring to complete, and then we're more or less finished. There are still rooms that could use painting, but for now, we'll stop. So, yes, it's been quite the summer. All my big plans for a beautiful, big garden went flying out the window......i have tomatoes, corn and peppers, but mostly i have weeds. Such tall weeds that the children have made paths and houses among the stalks but i'm ok with that. That's why the garden is in the pasture, far, far away from the house. :) And i discovered within the last week that some evil chickens that we so graciously allowed to live for a bit longer, have almost totally decimated our tomato and pepper plants. They will find their final resting place in my freezer VERY shortly.....little buggers.

And the small Weaver babe in my womb continues to grow. We did find a midwife, even though i've only seen her once, but we like her and while she seems very knowledgeable, she's also relaxed enough to trust my mother's instinct. This baby is so very wanted, that it makes my heart ache for all those small ones who are tossed aside like so much garbage.

As i sit here and think over our summer, I'm amazed at the hills and valleys that makes up a person's life. The joys, the hurts, the tears and the belly laughs, but through it all I am filled with worship. Worship at a loving God who actually wants a relationship with me in spite of my humanity. Amazement at the people that God has brought into our lives and who have given and given, both with physical gifts and also with prayers, support, and love, until i am speechless. I struggle with wondering how i can pay these blessings back, feeling completely inadequate and helpless to repay. So for all of you out there who have so richly given into our lives, we are eternally grateful. Thank you.

And yes, i have pictures to download, but i am completely challenged when it comes to camera's and computers and after trying how many times, i give up. At least until Marlin has time to figure out why the computer is acting so retarded. I always knew there was a reason that i have a longing to live in the 1800's........

Matthew 25:34-40

2011-07-08T05:55:00.000-07:00

She paces the floor, upset and frustrated at a world she no longer understands. She alternates between crying and angrily telling herself or an imaginary child to "stop it." I find myself getting frustrated, weary at the never ending emotional strain of trying to handle a "child" who is 62. Even music, the one thing that never failed before, doesn't help her to escape the trap of her life.

And i find myself wishing it was over. That God would take her. Not just for her sake but for the rest of ours who daily walk this tortuous path with her.

The music, that didn't work, is still playing quietly in the office, and it's then that i hear the song. Jesus Himself is standing in my kitchen, cutting through the frustration, hurt and fatigue in my soul with His gentle words. Tears sting my eyes and i know once again that He is walking this path with us. I go to find my mother, to gently comb her hair and to tell her that i love her. My King has spoken and once again my heart is at rest.

"Truly, truly I say unto you, whatever you do, to the least of these, you do it unto me......."

2011-05-04T18:16:00.000-07:00

I apologize to all my friends who are wondering where i have been. I don't have an excuse other than I am a very busy mother of 7, who's trying to wrap up school for the year, dealing with severe spring allergies, cleaning, cooking, and trying to stay sane. It's been several months of God allowing me to walk through a personal valley of refinement, specifically in the area of homeschooling, so that all my opinions and what i thought i "knew", could be brought under the power of the Holy Spirit and the authority of my head, Marlin. It's been a rough time of questioning everything and seeing the flaws in my children because of the flaws in their mother.

It's been hard, but so necessary and i'm grateful that God has allowed me to walk through this season. I'm not discouraged, at least not anymore, but I'm looking forward to seeing God work out His plan for the future.

And that's all for now........you may hear from me soon, but then and again, you may not. :)

Crying Wind.......or Shooting Bull?

2011-04-18T13:07:00.000-07:00

Ever read this book? http://www.amazon.com/Crying-Wind-Linda-Stafford/dp/0890812632

I read it years ago and when i saw it at a thrift store for 10 cents, i jumped at the chance to read it. Which i did.....in one afternoon. I was blessed and read the ending, where she meets Christ and becomes radically saved, with tears. I couldn't wait to read it to my children.

It will now be finding itself at the burn barrel, feeding a happy fire.

As i often do after i read a book, i go online and check up on the author. Actually, the uneasiness began when i read the forward and realized that the book wasn't completely based on her lifestory, but was based on historical facts of people she "knew." I felt left down. I don't read novels, especially "christian" ones, since i've read many books that are 100% true and powerful. However, if it was still based on truth..........most christian novels, (there may be exceptions but i don't have time to waste and find out) are simply another person's fantasy and i've gotten delivered from fantasy. So i had a niggling doubt but figured i'd go online and find out where she's at today. What i found out surprised me. Seems after her books became best sellers, (Moody Press's no.#1 best selling book) it was discovered that the author actually was a fraud. She never lived on an Indian reservation and what's more, she doesn't have a drop of Indian blood in her. Bummer. But hey, she's a really good author and it points a person to Christ, so what's the big deal. Well, it was a big enough deal for Moody Press to drop her book. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crying_Wind. And......http://teampyro.blogspot.com/2010/07/evangelical-bunko-artists.html

She actually pretends to be someone she isn't and in my opinion, that's deceit. Lying. I have no desire to read any more of her books. And i was reminded again, that i, as a human woman, am very easily deceived. If it involves cozy feelings and better yet, spirituality, I'm vulnerable. Thankfully God has given me different forms of protection, but one of the biggest ones is in the form of a clear headed, clear thinking male, called Marlin. And to think that after i finished the book, just today, that i thought secretly that he needs to become more "evangelistic" and less "earthly"........... I am properly humbled and once again resting in the protection of my "earthly" man.

Edited to add: I feel like i should add a postscript about fiction. I do make exceptions for books that are accurately based on historical facts, as long as it's based on facts, NOT cheesy romance. My preference by far, however, is books written by or about people such as Corrie Ten Boom, Amy Carmichael, Lillian Trasher........etc. It's not that haven't experienced a wide array of reading material. Before salvation i read books that would curl your hair......i also realize i take a radical stand on reading material, far more than most conservatives, but for that i make no apology. :)

Mom, i miss you.........

2011-04-08T17:46:00.000-07:00

I miss the mother you used to be.......

I miss the way your eyes would crinkle in laughter.......

I miss our mid evening pizza parties while we cleaned the doctor's office, the way you always made time for a snack and laughter. You always made sure you shared the paycheck with us, although you needed it yourself..........

I miss the smell of coffee on the way home from church Sunday evenings, the steam pouring out of your thermos, filling the car with the smell of comfort and security.............

I miss the way you would listen to every word we spoke as we shared our teenager ups and downs........

I miss the sound of your feet, quick and sure, beating a rhythm across the kitchen floor early in the morning and late at night. It made me feel safe and happy.........

I miss the laughter of delight as you held your grandchildren for the first time.......

I miss the smell of Murphy's oil soap you used on Saturday cleaning..........

I miss the way your hands always smelled of lotion.........

I miss the way I always knew that you loved me, even when I messed up terribly.........

I miss you, mom, and i want you back. Some days I feel I can't go on and I beg our Heavenly Father to release you from this sadness that is now your life. I know you weren't perfect, but in taking care of you I know in whom you have put your trust, and I rest in the love and grace that I know surrounds you from above. I remember you saying many times over growing up that you want many songs to be sung at your funeral........joyful songs. Someday you will be released from the shell that has become you.....and when that happens, i will rejoice with you, knowing that some glorious day i will see you again the way you used to be, only much better. I will sing those joyous songs with tears running down my face........until then, it is my turn to bring security into your life. To hug you when you're worried and to tell you that i love you. It is an honor to be your daughter and I pray that God would give me the strength and grace to be all in your life that He wants me to be.

My mother........an eternity ago

Boarding school.........or not?

2011-04-05T15:57:00.000-07:00

It always happens about this time of the year. I quit homeschooling. Next year, the children, God bless their little souls, will be happily learning at a boarding school.......or boot camp, depending who I'm talking to. The moment i ask a certain child for the 20 millionth time what a common noun is, and said child looks at me with a big smile and happily gives me a completely wrong answer, i know it's over. I am a terrible teacher and my students are terrible learners. There is no hope for us, we are doomed to be ignoramuses forever. I resign. I quit. I hand in my resignation. And then the ranting begins. What IS the point of learning common nouns? I mean, when's the last time you led someone to Christ using common nouns? Let me guess. You haven't had TIME to lead anyone anywhere because you were to busy teaching how to "correctly" diagram a sentence or add great numbers in their heads. And what's up with Roman Numerals? I remember almost zilch about roman numerals and you know what? I've birthed 7 children naturally, sewed many a dress, wiped many a small, poopy hinnie, and kicked many a cat out of my house just fine without knowing what XVIII means. And yet we must learn. The government says so and you KNOW the government only cares for the well being of your mortal soul.

And then i look at pictures like this and remember that in the end, it really DOESN'T matter whether they learn English perfectly. However, it DOES matter that i have their hearts and i can assure you, I am far better at capturing their hearts than i am at teaching nouns or roman numerals, and for that, I can only thank an almighty God.

Happy Birthday mama. I felt like the richest woman on the planet that evening, and it wasn't because of the presents.

Missing in Action

2011-03-26T05:11:00.000-07:00

So i haven't fallen off the face of the earth........yet. When that happens it will be either through the rapture or death, and either way, i won't be back. Nor will i wish to be. :)

There IS a reason for my absence.

NAUSEA + FATIGUE = BABY!!!!!!

I'm 8 weeks pregnant and struggling through first trimester morning/all day sickness. Not fun but as that famous song went, "I will survive..."

We are very excited, and the children are hoping we'll reach number 16 yet before my body officially gives up on child bearing. They have figured out that if most women are finished by the age of 45, (yes, we've had the whole menopause conversation...in an abbreviated version) that means i have another 10 years yet, and if i have a baby every year.............they have forgotten to figure in God, daddy and last but most definitely not least, mamma. :) It's good to know God is in control.

Blessing our Lord

2011-03-08T14:43:00.000-08:00

Zac and Josh- "Mom, please come upstairs, we have something to show you."

They lead me upstairs, informing me that i must keep my eyes tightly closed. Feeling rather like a sheep led to the slaughter, i obey. Throwing open the bedroom doors, they show me my bed made with freshly washed sheets, and Joshua's room spic and span. I hug them and tell them they are the BEST and such a blessing. Their eyes shine......

15 minutes later they present me with a play room, everything in order and neatly cleaned up. Big hugs for all, and a piece of gum for each, "because sometimes we get a little treat for doing something for someone without being told." Ah, how i love my little men........

They could've been playing, since i had released them from any more chores. Instead, they chose to surprise and bless me. They were so totally pleased with themselves and so excited to show me.

How often do i tell my Lord, "show me Lord, and I'll do it", or "tell me, Jesus, and I'll conquer the world for you," and happily go about my own thing. How thrilled He must be when I choose to do something without being told, my heart dancing as i choose to bless my Savior. And how His heart must thrill in joy when I show Him my gift, excited to show Him what I did. For Him........not because He asked me but because I LOVE HIM, and that love spills out of my life. To be as a child in the worship of my Master.........is there any higher calling....

Cousins making memories

2011-03-06T08:26:00.000-08:00

It's been a special weekend for our children. Marlin's sister, Dorcas, and her family were headed into Lancaster for meetings and dropped 3 of their children off at our house. Emily finally had a sister for almost 3 days and the boys were more than happy for 2 more brothers. I remember my time with my cousins as a child as one of the happiest things in my childhood. Emily's relationship with her cousin Kenzie reminds me much of myself and my cousin when i was a girl. Emily will be sad when she leaves and i have a feeling her longing for a sister will be intensified.

Zac trying out his reading skills........

BEST FRIENDS!!!

I found out how much work 2 girls can accomplish! Wow, i may just have to keep this treasure. She's a real sweetheart. I have to say, it did make my heart a wee bit sad to realize that no longer do they play dolls when they're together. Quiet reading, visiting, and of course, GIGGLES. My girl is growing up and while that makes me happy, it also makes my heart strings tug a bit. Time for another daughter. ;)

There's more than one way to cover your hair.


Last but not least......this child looks so calm and pliable, right? WRONG!! He has tested me over and over all week, made worse by the fact that he's not feeling well.

Having 3 extra children in the house proved a blessing and no extra work. They are very well behaved children and behaved promptly when asked to do something. I think we could handle 10 children..........especially if they came as well trained as these. If only............

Just As I Am

2011-02-26T14:42:00.000-08:00

It's Saturday evening and after a very busy 2 days, the house is quiet..........and in the background is soft piano music....."Just As I Am".....

I let out a deep sigh and let the music sink into my very soul. Just as i am.....i give Him myself and just as i am.... He receives me.

He is worthy, I am not.........and yet not only does He receive me, He WANTS me. O wonder of wonders........

I want Him with every fiber of my being......I crave His nearness, and I long to feel His touch on my life. When that touch happens, it surprises me anew every time, washing over me and carrying me into His arms.

When that nearness fades and I find myself in a wilderness of bewilderment, I search my heart and many times it's the very small things that have disrupted that precious communion with my heavenly Father.

I've surrendered all the big things in my life.........my very life....my marriage....my children.....my womb.....my friends......my finances........my future........

Sometimes it's those small things that cause much upheaval......a clinging if you wish to paltry, childish toys......

"Lord, you want.......my favorite sweater? But......i like it, it's the favorite thing in my closet.....actually, i love it......i can't afford to buy a new one and it makes me feel pretty........"

I wear it anyway but the joy is gone. The stubbornness lingers......after all, God wouldn't care about something so small.....a piece of material, soft against my cheek....my favorite......I've given up so much already, why would He want something so insignificant.....

I toss and turn in my bed, unable to sleep......3 times He has asked me to do something small and 3 times I've ignored His gentle voice.......

The next morning I gather the children around and with a scissors I shred the sweater to pieces.......I explain to them in simple words my dedication to give even the very smallest things in my life to Him and to obey.....every time....always.

The tears trickle down my cheeks......I no longer care about my favorite piece of soft material.........but my heart aches at the Judas in my soul....that for a piece of silver I would walk away from His presence....

Marlin's eyes are tender on my face........knowing........knowing all along that God was doing a much deeper work in my heart than a piece of clothing.

The flames leap around the material.....my paltry idol.......and the flames leap around my heart...cleansing, purifying and carrying me into my Father's presence.

Valentines Banquet......2011

2011-02-22T14:14:00.000-08:00

I know, I know, I shouldn't brag about my kids like this but I can't help it. He's too STINKIN' CUTE!!!!!!

Chocolate anyone?

Our church had a valentine's banquet last week but due to the shortage of babysitter's, we chose to stay home. It's ok, i got to hang out with my best friend and the people I love most in the world. Not many people can say that. Marlin and i decided to celebrate anyway, but as a family....after all, they are the result of our love, so it only made sense to have a special evening anyway. Emily and I quickly decorated the house after the boys went to milk, since they knew nothing about it and we wanted to surprise them. The looks on their faces were worth it. Eric might be 11, but he's not too old to jump up and down when he's excited. On the other hand, neither is his mom. :)Marlin made one of his many specialties, shrimp scampi over pasta. I felt pregnant by the time i was finished eating........and looked it to. To much shrimp scampi has a way of doing that too a person. It was a real treat, a rare treat since we've moved, so it's all the more special. Actually, i like not having this kind of food very often. We all get a bit charismatic when Big Daddy Weav whips out his cooking utensils and starts making a mess in the kitchen. Bring it on, my fine, handsome chef!!

And the cake.....yup I made it. But don't be fooled, the cake didn't taste half as good as it looked. Can we all say nasty? A total and complete flop..a failure.....a disgrace to humanity.....a shame to it's maker.....I was trying to make a "healthy" lemon pound cake, since i thought i would revolt at the thought of one more chocolate peanut butter cake. Some things aren't made to be healthy, and lemon pound cake is one of them. Even ice cream and blackberry sauce couldn't salvage it.....

This is what happens when your belly is full and your hearts are removable. They become "bunny ears." He takes after his father's side of the family what can I say........;)

My last valentine's goal wasn't accomplished. I REALLY wanted a picture of me and Marlin in all our married loveliness, so Marlin even showered and dressed for the occasion.......only to fall asleep on the recliner after supper. Not to be daunted, i gave the camera to Emily, put my arm around my knight in shining armor, (gently) commanded him to wake up and smile, and beamed at the camera. Here's a piece of advice to any newlyweds out there. DO NOT WAKE UP SLEEPING MEN FOR PICTURE TAKING OF ANY KIND! ESPECIALLY MR. COMMANDERS!!!!!! He sat up, and said, "this is no way to take any kind of pictures!" and stomped off to bed. So much for a romantic picture that shows the world how much we love each other........you'll just have to believe it without the picture. ;)

Mud, Cats, and Elderly Childbirth

2011-02-16T13:18:00.000-08:00

I know, you thought i've forgotten about my blog.....and you. I haven't, it's just that there are SO MANY things I should be doing instead of sitting at the computer. I don't have anything exciting to brighten your day. But I do have mud....lots and lots of mud. You have never seen mud until you've waded through Snyder county mud.....on a farm....with cows.....and manure.....and many small males.......with many small boots.....and no stones. There's no stones in the forecast and so i brace myself for a muddy future. I used to get frustrated with my very practical mother when i was a very unpractical teenager. Practical was boring!!! Now i thank Jesus for a mother who had the foresight to have a big laundry with many closets to hide the soggy, muddy clothing and boots. I also thank Jesus for children to clean those nasty closets. I have other things to do. Like blog.

Anyone want to volunteer to clean my basement? For those of you who are considering a house cat, basements aren't really the best place to keep a cat. Outside is better........more litter box choices.

So now i have mud and a less than desirable basement. But i do have many desirable children who have informed me that it is high time to add to the numbers. Preferably in triplet size this time, but they'll take twins if that's all i can manage. Eric has also taken the opportunity to encourage me to continue bearing children for at least 20 more years. Somehow the thought of labor and childbirth at the ripe age of 55 makes me feel less like celebrating and more like curling in a fetal position. I'm all for labor and childbirth (or the results of labor and childbirth) and i hope to experience a bit of that yet, but at 55 i will be very content to help Eric's wife figure out how to give birth. I do believe at that point of my life, I will be happy to celebrate my love for my man without the labor and childbirth part.

So there's my life at the moment. Mud and children. What more could a woman ask for.

Woodcutting.........and more.

2011-02-08T17:38:00.000-08:00

It was woodcutting day at the farm. Lots of people, lots of wood and lots of food. It was great..........at first we weren't sure it was even going to happen, with the freezing rain and misery outside but in true Weaver fashion, the woodcutting happened anyway. And when the Weaver's get together, there's bound to be excitement. We had a truck and trailer stuck in the back pasture, a large tractor roaring in to help, and a small minivan that was needed for the large tractor in the pasture before the tractor could rescue the truck......still not sure how all that happened, especially the minivan part. I looked out the kitchen window in time to see the aforementioned minivan backing 2/3rd's of the way up the pasture before gaining much speed to make it up over the hill. The ladies encouraged the situation with many donuts, much coffee and large mugs of milk. From inside.........

Jonathan and Caleb spent all morning in the drizzling rain, "helping" and eating donuts like men.

My brother-in-law Matt and son Ringo splitting wood. I'm telling you, this gang knows how to work!!

Yep, that's the line up for supper and that's only about half the people. We had over 30 people in this house, which meant over 60 shoes in the laundry, and many piles of soggy coats, hats, mittens and gloves. It was great!!

Marlin's sister Dorcas, cutting donuts instead of wood. She is pregnant with number 7...beautiful, isn't she? And yes, that's Jacob eating raw donut dough. Being a relaxed mama is a good thing.

Emily and her cousin Vicki, who helped to fry the donuts and was my right hand lady the whole weekend in the kitchen.

I have so many other blog posts rolling around my mind......serious ones, the kind that have been burning on my heart, but the kind that can only be written when the moment is right. Some of those kind never get written............For us personally, God is taking us through another time of testing, stretching our faith and at the same time, drawing us closer together as a family. Our children are learning that nothing is too small to pray for, even another sick calf who is most certainly going to die.......they see their strong daddy fighting for it's life and they see mama eating yet another piece of cheesecake. (didn't expect that one did you.....actually, they have seen me eating very little cheesecake as i have mostly been eating it in hiding.) It's life, and it's what makes or breaks us and through it all, i look at my husband and i'm like, "come to mama!" He has never been more handsome to me or more manly........but since you really did not come to my blog to hear all that, i will now say, "adios" and good night.

Mama and her boys.........

2011-01-31T17:33:00.000-08:00

Marlin informed me Saturday morning that i had no choice but to go sledding. Never one to turn down a challenge, i layered my clothing and headed out to the wild, woolly hill on the back forty. It was great.....i screamed and Marlin got some serious belly laughs in. Let me tell you, if i 'm headed down a hill and can no longer see where I'm going, due to the speed of the sled, i won't hesitate to plow into a small snow bank to save my life.

In all reality, the hill is not dangerous, it's just that I'm not used to having my face 5 inches from the ground,with snow flying past my face. I do realize, that with having 6 sons, i may as well prepare for a lot more thrilling rides in my future. ..

A Good Day......

2011-01-28T16:03:00.000-08:00

Today was a good day. I needed a good day, and God knew that.....so He gave me one. Isn't He awesome?

I have been feeling discouraged lately in regards to the history and geography, or lack of it, in our home school. I had some really good plans all laid out, and between the cows, adjustment to farm living, the flu and my lack of planning, it simply hasn't happened. So i started praying about it and one evening a light bulb went off in this dull brain of mine. I was so excited i almost couldn't fall asleep that night but somehow i managed.........you see, i am one of those fortunate women who truly enjoy teaching her children. That fact has surprised even me, and much of the time i feel like i don't have a clue what i'm doing, but sitting beside my children and explaining what an adjective is just does something for me. Go figure.....But the thing that really gets me going is history, geography, world culture and big discussions on how it all applies to us. I love getting all passionate and waving my hands in the air while i create word pictures in the children's mind. I inherited this trait from my father and you know what? I'm ok with that....and because it's school, the kids have to listen. Hah! So i was feeling rather depressed that we had done no formal studying (whatever that is) on any of those subjects this year, in spite of the fact that i know our children are getting a rich education in so many other areas. And then i realized that the answer was right in front of my nose, FOR FREE! Isn't that just like God?

So what's my plan? Well, we try to sit around the living room every evening and mama Weav reads from a "living" book (which means a book rich in real life and since our goal is to have children that are not "american dream" minded we tend to lean towards missionary stories) and right now we're going through, "Lady on a Donkey." No, the book isn't about me..... It's about a woman named Lillian Trasher who moves to Egypt in the early 1900's and ends up starting an orphanage. It's an amazing story, rich with meaning and yet brutally honest about the realistic problems and trials she walked through. So we are now doing a study on Egypt, complete with a lapbook, Egyptian food (fig cakes anyone?) and dress up, Egyptian style. I had a friend send me this link to an amazing website where i'm getting my stuff from. http://www.homeschoolshare.com/ancient_egypt.php

I was a little nervous Eric would think he's getting to old for this kind of stuff but he loved it. I told the kids that we were skipping normal school today such as math and instead we worked on our new project. They colored and cut, wrote and pasted. We studied the map, finding Egypt and the route that Lillian Trasher took from New York city into the Alexandria port. We discussed the religion of the country, mainly Muslim, and talked about the Nile river, the longest in the world. I was in my glory and my kitchen looked it after we were finished. It was awesome and i just couldn't get done praising God for showing me how to use what i have to teach history, geography and world religion. And yes, i took pictures. For you, my blog readers........

After school and cleaning, Big Daddy Weav got the skid loader out and made a dream sledding hill down the back pasture. Let me tell you, when he decides to create a sledding hill, he goes all out. If you bring food, we might let you sled down the hill too. ;)

It was a good day and tonight, my heart is full.

Sorry for the long distance shot, but i was standing barefoot on the back deck...getting any closer wasn't an option.

Lap-books part way finished......we'll add pictures, vocabulary pockets and more.

Now THAT is a cowboy worth taking pictures of!! Handsome!!

One of the local natives we're reaching out to.......he's worth my effort, wouldn't you say?

Of Bears and Boys.....mostly Bears

2011-01-25T18:33:00.000-08:00

Zachary, trying out his phonics skills.....


Eric is enjoying reading....if you only knew what a miracle that is!!!

I have the winter blues......anyone else with me on this? Or else i need a good old fashioned repenting session, complete with public weeping and gnashing of teeth. I think the whole past year is all of a sudden catching up with me and i feel like joining the local bears in their peaceful, QUIET dens........ALONE!!!! I'd fit right attitude wise. Don't mess with mama bear.........

Ok, so i don't really want to join the bears, and i know the winter blues will pass, and i hope that someday my children will actually feel like i'm teaching them anything in school..........and my problem isn't the lack of a quiet house, since I've actually had a quiet house several times today and i still feel like I'm related to the local bear community. I think, gulp, that it's actually me.......my heart needs a tune up. My attitudes need a readjustment and sometimes i just wish i could get a good spanking. It would be so much easier than getting on my knees and asking God to show me the truth about myself.

Anyone want to start a bear club?

Jacob

2011-01-22T03:39:00.000-08:00

Our little pumpkin......how we love him!! Don't you just want to bury your nose in those fat little cheeks? Poor little guy, he'll be playing happily, only to get swooped up by some Jacob hungry arms, and kissed over and over. I tell him almost daily that it simply must be illegal to be that cute but we'll forgive him.....

I just wish he wasn't growing up so fast.

His favorite sister.......his only sister.......his beloved sister. If mommy or daddy isn't available he'll trot over to Emily, holding up his little pudgy hands, just knowing that she'll drop everything she's doing to give him some lovin's. And of course he's rarely disappointed.

Winter.....Snyder County style

2011-01-21T05:15:00.000-08:00


The view from my front porch........beautiful, isn't it?

The view from the side of the house........and certain people having way too much fun. It's the redneck way of sledding..rosy cheeks, sparkly eyes, faces framed with snow crystals.......mama's too civilized so she stays behind the camera. ;)

Enjoy the snow......stay warm.....drink lots of tea.......and most of all, find a friend who owns either a snowmobile or three wheeler and have him give you a sled ride like no other. It'll keep you young.

Our Junco

2011-01-19T17:54:00.000-08:00

How handsome is an 11 year old boy with a small bird that he caught? Very!
He brought it to me, clutching it in the palm of his hand, cupping it with the other.
"Mom?"
"Yes son?"
"I have something to show you."
Now i have to tell you, when my boys come carrying something covered in their hands, i get nervous. Real nervous. However, i'm learning to take a deep
breath, smile, breathe a quick prayer that it's not a

snake or a mouse and say with eager anticipation,
"What is it?" You see, i've been burned, not by my sons but by other people's sons, both big and little. I remember sitting happily at a church picnic, visiting with my friends when a young boy comes bouncing up to me, carrying a covered plate. "Hey, look at this!" he cheerily says and i look. And scream. Small mammals don't belong on covered paper plates, especially at church functions. It was only then that i realized half the people were watching, doubled over with laughter. I was set up and i've never gotten over it. I've also been handed beautifully wrapped gifts only to discover the kind of toy that i never allowed in my home before. Rubber snakes. Ahem....i wonder who THAT was. Soooo, when my sons come in with a sweet smile and covered hands, i start feeling funny, but i am a big girl and i can face my fear.

A Junco is nothing to fear however, and i have to say that i am delighted with the tenderness i see in our sons toward animals, even a helpless bird. We all ooohed and aaahhed, and afterwards he took it outside, setting it free, his eyes shining with the joy of having touched a special part of God's creation. Another homeschool science lesson completed.........and mama didn't even scream.

A New Look.......

2011-01-18T17:29:00.000-08:00

Don't panic, i am planning on putting family pictures up, just as soon as we are done blowing snot into tissues and wishing we had servants to give our aching backs an herbal rub. We got SLAMMED with the flu bug and are still trying to recuperate. You know, the "sneezing, aching, i just want to pass out" kind of flu. Jacob, Marlin and i got hit the worst and even as we speak, there is a kettle of white pine needle tea cooling on the stove. You heard right, white pine needle tea, made with pine needles and hot water. Hey, it's free, who's complaining. Actually, i vaguely remembered hearing about it so i did some research and lo and behold, if you are starving you could actually live for a while on pine needle tea. Like a whole 10 minutes more. Ha! No, seriously, it's very nutritious and if you send me $15 I'll send you your own personal baggie of organic pine needles. It's full of......are you ready for this? Pine oil! and it will give your insides a good scrubbing, making your intestines smell like bathroom cleaner. IN ALL SERIOUSNESS (I've been penned in this house with some VERY GROUCHY people and am desperate for something to laugh at, so HUMOR ME!) it is very high in vitamin C and will cure scurvy, along with sinus congestion, which is the reason we're taking it. Unless we actually have scurvy and aren't aware of it, in which case we'll be in good shape. ...........

So i 'm thankful for many things in my life right now, one being pine trees and the other? My dishwasher!! Friends came down last week and spent several days working in our kitchen. The men hacked cabinets, rearranged various things and when the dust settled? I had myself a wonderful dishwasher, among other things, and let me tell you, I am SO thankful. It has literally cut my cleaning up time in the kitchen to about half, and that's enough to make this Anabaptist girl get down right charismatic. So now i am anxious to start painting some walls, at least i would be if i had any energy and didn't spend half my day hovering over the tissue box. O well, this too shall pass. And while the men were slaving, the women around here drank gallons of tea and talked. And talked...... and talked. I couldn't figure out why my jaw muscles had a slight ache until i realized that my yap was open more than it was shut. I know, i was shocked to. In spite of the fact that we gave them the gift of the stomach bug and we received the honor of fever and mucus, we had a wonderful time and i was once again thoroughly challenged and inspired by these friends that God has blessed us with. I'd tell you their names but they might not like it, right Licia? ;)

And it is now time for this congestion laden woman to head too bed. I'm sorry, no pictures tonight. My brain is too full of important things........like goop.

Girls Tea Party

2011-01-07T16:15:00.000-08:00

Billie, are you watching? Here's your pictures. Well, one picture. I got my camera card reader today and i'm having fun. At least i WILL have fun once i totally know what i'm doing. Anyway, here's a picture of me and my sweetheart of a little girl Emily at a mother/daughter tea that a lady from church hosted. We had a great time and Emily was sad to see it end. Such is life.

New Year's Resolution

2011-01-04T05:45:00.000-08:00

Have you made one? If not, then you're just like me. To be honest, i always thought New Years resolutions were kind of lame. I mean, if you make a New Year's resolution that you haven't been able to keep without a New Year, what's the chances that it'll happen in the New Year? So as for me and my house, if we don't make New Year resolutions we won't have to worry about not keeping them. Just the kind of inspiration you were looking for, right?

There is one resolution that a certain friend would like me to keep. Updated pictures and more of them on my blog. Soooo, since i love this person so much, i went to my very handsome, gentle, kind and utterly unconcerned husband and pleaded for help, so as not to offend my friend. My handsome, gentle, kind and utterly unconcerned husband said IF i remind him to order certain parts for the camera, he MIGHT teach me how download pictures with ease. How well he knows me. I have yet to remind him, since my small brain has been filled with so many other things. Like chocolate cake with peppermint icing. Can you say YUM? Makes great breakfast food and marries well with coffee laced with heavy cream. Now that's worth making resolutions over.

So, all this rambling to say we WILL be updating the pictures on this picture lacking blog, IF i get off this chair, yank, i mean gently pull, a certain man off the couch and convince him that it would be in his best interest to fix our camera. And for all of you who gave in to peer pressure and made New Year resolutions, may you keep every single one of them. Who knows, maybe next year i'll join you........if it involves chocolate cake and peppermint icing. And a new camera.

The Rock

2010-12-30T08:26:00.000-08:00

I gently rocked Jacob in the quiet hallway, insulated from the rest of the church on a peaceful Sunday morning. Struggling internally with different situations in our life, i cried out a prayer from the deepest part of myself. "God, show me truth. At ANY cost, at any price, show me YOUR heart and show us truth. And o God, give us the courage to follow you."

First and foremost i am a follower of Jesus Christ. All else in my life, including my children, my husband, my family, my friends, and most of all, MYSELF, comes secondary. The Bible is clear, if you love these more than Him, you are not fit for the kingdom. God is taking me through a time of personal refinement, cutting away at some of the things that mean the most to me. The cutting is deep and terribly painful.........i have spent hours sobbing the nights away and yet i must have truth at ALL costs. I don't want tradition, i don't want peoples personal opinions, i don't even want my husband's....no, i must know within the deepest part of myself that i am following the King Himself. As the world crumbles around us, as the real Jesus fades farther and farther away, only truth and the people that are willing to follow at all cost will survive. As i have searched my heart, as i have cried out to both my God and my husband, one thing has become clear. Jesus came not to bring peace in the world's sense, but He came carrying a sword. That sword slices through our personal lives, destroying anything that hinders His glory and i have but one choice. Either i fall on the rock and let it break me, or that rock will fall on me, destroying me completely and utterly. I make that choice, not once but again and again. I fall and in that falling, He picks me up, gathers up the shattered pieces and begins to create something that only He can create. That He wants these shattered pieces at all is a beautiful miracle and He recreates with the most tender love ever known. But first....first you and i must fall, heedlessly, recklessly but most importantly, completely. It will cost you everything but in the end, you will gain the world.

Will you fall with me?

GLop........mmmmmmmm

2010-12-28T11:29:00.000-08:00

You have a pound of bacon, a pound of hamburger, some potatoes and some onions. You're uninspired and the very last thing you feel like doing is cooking, so what do you do? Give the bacon, hamburger, potatoes and onions to the neighbors for Christmas and go out to eat. Or you could do what i did.

Grab a nice sturdy skillet that won't burn easily and throw it on the stove. Grab your pound of (smoked, nitrate and nitrite free that you got for $1.79 for 12 ounces, thank you very much!) bacon, dice it into pieces, and slap it in the pan. Follow it up with the pound of hamburger, preferably thawed since it's a bit tricky to evenly spread hamburger if it's a rock, and kind of glop it around on top of the bacon. Then you want to thinly slice potatoes, (or thick, depending on your devotion at the moment) and layer that over the hamburger. Make sure to sprinkle some sea salt and black pepper in between the layers, garlic would be good too, and top the whole thing off with a layer of finely sliced onions. If you have mushrooms, add 'em. If not, don't. It's your house, your stove and your desires. Meanwhile, breath a prayer that the whole thing won't taste horrible, add the lid and turn the burner on high, just until the bacon is nice and sizzling. Got that? JUST UNTIL THE BACON IS SIZZLING! Turn the stove on low and let it steam away until the potatoes are soft. If you wish and so desire, you may sprinkle some kind of cheese on top when it's finished. Add some kind of side dish, such as green beans or applesauce, smile and declare supper finished. While it cooks you can go finish the book you were reading. Huh? Why would i have done that? Me read? During the day when i should've been working? Surely not!

The amazing thing is, my family LOVED it. SCORE!!!

Merry Christmas to me, myself, and you of course!

2010-12-23T12:09:00.000-08:00

People, have i got something for YOU!!! Just because i love you. And latte's. Latte's are proof that God made coffee and hot milk to bless His children. Add some ginger, cinnamon, and vanilla, and your world will become very cozy and warm. A place you will want to visit many times, with me along of course, on a gingerbready wave. Who loves me? Huh? Let me hear it now........give a wave offering. Ooops, got a little mixed up with Gospel Express tent meetings.

Here you go.

GINGERBREAD LATTE

1/3 cup water
1/3 cup sugar
A 2 inch piece of fresh ginger, peeled and thinly sliced, or a healthy dash of powdered ginger
1/4 tsp. cinnamon
1/4 tsp. vanilla
1/2 cup hot espresso
1 cup hot milk

In small saucepan, combine water, sugar, ginger, cinnamon and vanilla. Bring to a boil, stirring, until the sugar dissolves. Reduce heat and simmer slowly for 15-20 minutes. Inhale and try not to fall in.

Combine espresso in a mug and add 1/4 cup of the gingerbread syrup. Top off with heated milk. If you desire, (are you kidding??!!! WE SO DESIRE!) garnish with whipped cream and sprinkle with grated nutmeg. And let me tell, your eyes will roll towards heaven and you will utter a most profound thanks. For me of course, for helping you to realize what you've been missing this Christmas season. :)

I love you too. And my children REALLY love me as they sip away on large mugs. Who's their mama???!!!!

Christmas, New Years, Math, Moving...........

2010-12-21T17:45:00.000-08:00

4 days til Christmas.........Christmas will be low key this year for the Weavers. Building a gingerbread house, giving homemade bread to the neighbors, singing carols at an old peoples home, sipping hot chocolate while listening to the Christmas story and stuffing ourselves at Christmas lunch.........that will pretty much make up our special weekend. I went to Walmart today (aka "junkmart") and couldn't help but pity the people frantically doing last minute shopping. What was i doing there? Last minute shopping of course. Thankfully it wasn't really for gifts, although i did pick up a few small things for the children's Christmas plates. (family tradition from Marlin's family, Christmas morning each child gets a plate with candy, an orange, some nuts and i'm adding a pair of winter gloves.....)

I'm actually more excited for New Years this year than Christmas. We have some friends coming Friday night and Saturday and i can't wait. Ice skating, (for the kids and men), latte's, fellowship.......I'm so excited I'm itchy. Come to think of it, Marlin's itchy too and he says it's that new soap i got, not so much the excitement. If it's too cheap it's probably soap that's, well, CHEAP.

So there's our life at the moment. And being the kind mother that i am, my children are continuing with school, even on Christmas week. We are in the swing of things and i'm afraid to stop for fear the swinging will go away. I am very happy how Eric's math is going. I put him back into CLE math, at a level quite a bit lower than he was, simply to bring the enjoyment back into it and to build back his confidence. We are doing up to 3 lessons a day,(much of it is review) but he's doing phenomenal, and no longer gets a snoot when i say time for math. I was simply pushing him too hard, something my first evaluator had warned me about with Eric. So after Eric and i talked about it, we have agreed to call him in fourth instead of fifth grade. I had started him and Emily in first grade together but he really struggled when kids would give him a hard time about being in a lower grade than his peers. (soapbox here....one reason why I'm NOT a big fan of the way the government has the grade system in place, but it's the way it is, so i guess we deal with it) I had allowed him, after talking to two different evaluators, to say he was in the same grade as other boys his age, and he was doing some of that grade level work, but i never had a good feeling about it. It meant i was constantly pushing him through, without taking the time to really make sure he was getting it, simply so he could keep up with his "level." So mama laid down her pride, and i told Eric that we'll take another look at it at the end of the year. IF he can easily pass the 5th grade state testing, we may allow him to jump a grade, but that's a big IF. Meanwhile, i feel a big load lifted off my shoulders, knowing that i can actually relax and enjoy teaching him without worrying that he's falling behind. I'm still figuring this whole homeschooling thing out, as you can tell.

My parents are now officially moved and we're all loving it. Dad and mom just love their new little cozy home, and we love having a big cozy home. Mom has done well with the adjustment, and seems to understand. She still spends quite a few days during the week here, and I've been once again convinced that i will never regret living here and helping to take care of her. Between my father, my sister and myself, there are enough people to give each other a break, so we can help her better. She loves coming over here to the children and yet, she also likes knowing she can go home to a quiet house. Speaking of a quiet house, my hooligans are all in bed, including the biggest one, ;) except for me and my daughter who is engrossed in yet another book. So good-night and God bless.

No Sugar for me please (unless of course it would offend you , than i must eat)

2010-12-15T17:39:00.000-08:00

Christmas is a great time to go sugar free, don't you think? That's what i figured.........so when Emily came to me and said her belly has been hurting a lot, along with a few other issues and it always hurts worse after she eats sweets, i told her the only thing a mother can say. Here, have some sugar, it'll fix everything.
NOT!! I told her she really needs to go off sugar for a while and she thought it was a great idea. I reminded her that it's really hard over Christmas but she declared it was worth it to help her feel better. I looked into her sweet, determined eyes and sighed, because i knew it was terribly unfair to be gulping sugar down in front of my little best friend, while she patiently refrained, so we made a deal. No sugar til Christmas eve for the two Weaver females. There is no way i'm skipping my Christmas pie or Christmas eve hot chocolate and candy canes, so i figured 2 weeks of no sugar should help at least a little. We formally shook hands, standing by the refrigerator, declaring ourselves sugar free. And today we baked Christmas cookies. Sugar cutouts, with creamy white frosting, sprinkled with red, green and white sugar...and peanut butter chocolate chip. My teeth ached from wanting to bite into the soft warm angels and trees. I tried to convince Emily that we should at least each share one but she said no way. I obeyed and chewed harder on my BlackJack gum. (i love BlackJack gum, it's just like chewing black licorice until tasteless) But we made it through the day and it wasn't until this evening that it hit me. I haven't had a desire to take a nap since i went off sugar. It's been two days and both days i never had that midafternoon slump where all i can think of is my cozy bed. Nope, both days i kept working without giving it much thought, only to realize by evening that i barely sat all day. I'm ready to drop dead by evening, but i'm not near as draggy during the day. We'll see how we feel by Christmas....who knows, maybe by then my will power will be that amazing that i'll be able to sniff sugar and turn away in contempt. And maybe pigs will fly too.

2010-12-14T12:32:00.000-08:00

I made the decision to go on hiatus without first talking to Marlin. Mistake number 1.

I also made the decision in the heat of the moment. Mistake number 2.

I left myself be carried by a wave of condemnation instead of conviction. Mistake number 3.

And so here i am, humbled by your responses and a wee bit ashamed of myself. I want to make myself clear on one thing. I welcome challenges and if i ever write something that you disagree with, i would be honored if you would tell me as much. That doesn't mean i'll change my mind, ;) but it does mean i want to be open to being wrong. The things i write about and the decisions Marlin and i make for our family are ones that we feel God has called us to but not necessarily ones that we feel are the only right way. I dare not compromise on things that God has clearly shown us, but i also dare not write in pompous pride, feeling that we've "arrived." I am a continual work of grace, stumbling and sometimes falling, but always and continually stunned at the mercy and love of my Heavenly Father for a mere human being. And friends, if there is any question in your heart where you stand with Him, i beg you to get on your knees until you know beyond a shadow of a doubt where you will wake up when you die. And when you have that assurance deep in your heart, you will discover that you have only begun to really live.

2010-12-09T10:08:00.000-08:00

Friends, i will be taking a hiatus from blogging to take time to seek God's heart for what He wants with this blog. If God can use my enjoyment of writing for His glory, than i want to continue, however, if my blog is devoid of Him and His power in spite of "spiritual talk", than i want nothing to do with it. Thank you for praying.

~Darla

To be Thankful or not...........that is the question

2010-12-08T17:46:00.000-08:00

When the water lines to the cows drinking troughs freeze, can i still be thankful? When i can't find barn coats for the boys at 4 different thrift stores, am i still thankful? When the house looks like a small twister went through, am i still thankful? When i can't seem to stop eating that peanut butter pie that a sweet church friend brought, am i thankful? Or how about the fact that when i turn the hot water on to do a load of clothing loaded with cow manure and the line has sprung a leak, meaning that i have water puddling on the floor, am i still shouting my praises? Or try this one. The NEVER ENDING DIRT, that gets trekked through my house in one day?

Wellll, at least the water lines to the drinking troughs didn't freeze on a Sunday morning and thank God that it's the cows drinking water, not mine. I didn't find barn coats at the thrift stores, but i did find myself a much needed skirt. The house looks like a twister went through, but i did manage to clean the upstairs bathroom and our bedroom. And i don't HAVE to have hot water to do laundry and i have plenty of dirty towels to soak up the water. As for the dirt, thank God for many little feet to bring that dirt in, and if it wasn't for God hearing our prayers for a way to work together as a family, i wouldn't have all this dirt to sweep up. And we all know that it's more fun to clean a dirty house than an already clean one. And last but not least, that peanut butter pie that is haunting my scales. There's only enough slices left for my men when they come in from unfreezing water pipes and that is most definitely something to be thankful for. Because this friend of mine who brought the pie is one killer cook and my self discipline has a way of puddling on the floor along with the laundry water.

So, in spite of the fact that i have struggled this week to be thankful, i find that when i take a step back and start counting, i discover that i have so very many things to be thankful for after all. How about you? What are you thankful for?

Granola Recipe

2010-12-02T03:10:00.000-08:00

This is one of our favorite granola recipes, although i have a coconut almond one that i like even more, and my men prefer peanut butter granola. But it's this recipe that i use the most.

Mix: 5 cups oatmeal, 1 cup butter/oil, 1 cup brown sugar (i use sucanat)
Add: 2 beaten eggs
1 cup coconut
1 tsp. vanilla
1/2 cup nuts (rarely add since it's not a "necessity" but it does add great flavor)
1/2 cup sunflower seeds
1/2 cup wheat germ (never add)
1/2 cup wheat bran (never add either.....hey, i only have so much time, i can't be throwing too many things in a recipe or i'd be spending all day in the kitchen. Besides, i'd rather spend my money on chocolate to reward the children for cleaning up their rooms. And myself for making granola)
Bake at 300 for one hour.

That's it. Simple and basic but very yummy, especially if you eat it with yogurt. Just be careful how big your portions are, since granola is VERY HIGH IN CARBS. Eating it with yogurt will help keep your portions small and eating it with chocolate will help even more. I know it's hard to believe, but if you eat granola with chocolate, you will eventually find yourself skipping the granola and just eating the chocolate. It's all good........whatevah' makes you happy.

Granola and a Heart of Gratitude

2010-11-29T07:43:00.000-08:00

15 cups of oatmeal, 2 cups of sucanat, 6 eggs, butter and oil, 3 tsp. of cinnamon, 2 cups of coconut.........i make this basic granola almost weekly. And when i find myself inwardly complaining at the granola container being empty AGAIN, i remind myself to be thankful for the ingredients to make it and the people to feed it too. For i was reminded again recently how thankfulness and a heart of gratitude is at the very core of a christian, and how a rude and ungrateful heart nullifies any "spirituality" a person tries to put on. If someone is unthankful you can rest assured their hearts are rooted in selfishness, for after all, selfishness is at the root of complaining ungratefulness. Show me an ungrateful "christian" and i'll show you someone who is not walking in a real, vibrant personal relationship with Jesus Christ, and chances are, neither are their children. You simply can't walk with Him on a daily basis and complain. That river of life flowing through you simply finds itself bursting through, no matter the rain or clouds in your life. It doesn't mean you'll never struggle or have days when you feel like crawling into bed with the covers over your head, but it does mean that during those times you will make a choice. A choice to be thankful and to count your blessings.

So bring on the empty granola bowl, it's one more thing to be thankful for. :)

Thanksgiving

2010-11-27T13:12:00.000-08:00

It's very cold and the snow flurries are blowing. Beautiful! Any sane person would stay in the warm house, sipping hot tea and baking cookies. Any person teetering on the edge of insanity would go for a walk, down to the local amish bulk food store. She would put a pair of sweatpants on, 2 shirts, 2 sweaters, winter coat, gloves and a scarf. And she would thoroughly enjoy herself. It's great living on the edge, especially if you can manage to convince a few of the smaller insane people to go with you. :)

We had a great Thanksgiving, probably the best ever. It was one of those perfect days that made me go to bed that evening contented and warm inside. We were at some friend's house, along with other friends and between the food and the belly laughing, it was perfect. Ahh, the food. Seriously, i've had good food in my life, but i don't think i've ever eaten a meal this incredible. The turkey was soaked in buttermilk then smoked, making it tender and juicy, the potatoes were rich and creamy, the sweet potatoes sweet but not to sweet, and the filling. O my, the filling was like no filling that i've ever eaten before. It wasn't at all goopy, just full of butter and flavor........i could've married it. The dessert? Upside down apple pie and pumpkin, topped off with coffee. The best part was that i only had to take salad and when you're used to cooking 3 meals a day, WITHOUT A DISHWASHER, you treasure any meal you don't have to cook. The men even helped with clean up and the children had remembered to put their halo's on before we got there and were perfect little angels the entire day. Marlin and Dwight, (our friends from Ohio) went home and did the milking and then came back for supper. Us ladies had some wonderful conversations and i just thoroughly enjoyed myself. Can you tell? :) It was made all the more precious by the struggles i had earlier in the week and the surrender i once again had to work through. Why is it that surrender is a constant thing? But the result is worth it and i'm so thankful that God is gracious and long suffering.

So now i put my decorative pumpkins away and put the greens and little lights above the fireplace. So wintry and cozy, i just love it. Time for gingerbread cookies and cutouts sprinkled with red and green. Snowmen and mittens. Rosy cheeks and cuddling by the fire. And of course, snuggling with my man..........life is good.

Thankfulness

2010-11-22T03:30:00.000-08:00

It's Thanksgiving week and my heart is filled to overflowing with thankfulness, right? Not exactly. If i drink enough caffeine it's easy to get a temporary rush of thankfulness, but i want the real thing. The kind that makes me hug my kids and tell them what a blessing they are...the kind that makes me thank God for allowing me to walk through valleys and times of refinement, knowing that it's producing gold in my life. The kind that makes my man laugh, as my joy spills over from a heart that's full. Contagious, energetic, spontaneous........the only way i know how to get that joy is to sit at the feet of Jesus, laying all my burdens down and picking up HIS yoke. And so often thankfulness is a choice.....an act of choosing to be thankful.

So in obedience to that, here's part of my list. I'm thankful for.........

Being born. I could've easy have died before i was born as my mother was on bed rest for 6 months with me, but instead, i get to experience all the emotions, hurts, and ups and downs of being an adult. And because of all that, i get to also experience the cleansing blood of Jesus Christ, the pain of repentance and the joy of a life in Him.

My man....you knew that one was coming didn't you. I don't deserve him and i often marvel at God's mercy in not giving me what i do deserve.

My children......7 beautiful, challenging and life changing human beings in my house. I have never known more incredible small people.

Mice....uh-huh, that's right. Those 12 mice that were living here when we moved have taken much of my fear of small rodents away. And our black semi-house cat is also thankful. Without those mice i would never have left him be a part of our home.

Homeschooling....i am so very thankful for the privilege and opportunity to teach our children. Easy? Definitely not, but worth every minute.

Our church....we have some very special people that we get to worship with every Sunday and we do not take it for granted. Neither do we take for granted the vision of the group and the very intentional way that our pastor shepherds his flock, nor the way his wife has chosen to surrender herself to his/their calling. Thank you Rex and Billie!! You and your family are incredibly special.

Friends.....we have been blessed with SO MANY and such variety. We love it and love each one of you guys!! Even if we don't see some of you very often, you are very much a part of our hearts.

And the list could go on an on and on..........the good, the bad and the mundane. But i have to go make breakfast for some very hungry men and for that i am thankful! :) I wish for each of you a truly thankful heart and a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Mid

2010-11-15T14:29:00.001-08:00

Her name is Mid. She's white haired, 78 years old, slightly stooped and hides behind her curtains when someone knocks. She lives alone, her husband having died 15 years ago, 2 of her children also dead and the rest of her children busy. She's a Jehovah's Witness and she's my neighbor, living at the end of our lane in a small, tired white house, crammed with pictures and knick knacks. She's eccentric and she really does not know where she's going to go when she dies. She hopes she knows Jesus and she certainly knows scriptures. At least certain ones and to my utter shame, she knows them far better than i. But when she mentions Jesus and i ask her if she knows Him personally, she looks at me and answers that she "hopes" she does. I assure her she can really know, but she in return informs me that no one can really know if they're saved. I find myself looking at her, feeling so incredibly inadequate to know how to point her to Christ, and yet knowing that God has put her back into my life for a reason. She talks about God separating the sheep from the goats and when i ask her which side she'll be on, she looks hopeless and says she doesn't know. I pray with her before Emily and i leave, promising to come back again, knowing i have to, the love of Christ compelling me.

Emily and i walk back home, talking about her and how we want her to find Jesus before she dies. I fight the feelings of panic rising within me as i realize how i have no clue how to lead someone to Christ. I feel so small, so human........i meet Marlin on the way to the barn and he listens as i pour out my heart and how i don't know what to do next. He tells me i'm making it to hard, that it's not about "knowing" the right things to say but it's simply letting the Holy Spirit speak through us. I'm already thinking of books to read to show me how and he tells me all i need is the book of John. I sigh and walk back to the house.

As i throw a chicken into the kettle and start the rice cooking, i think, and ponder and start to feel really miserable. I feel like it's no use, i can't help Mid, i might as well give up. A darkness settles over me and a heaviness makes my spirit sluggish. Emily comes in and tells me, tears in her voice, that she feels so incredibly unhappy and she doesn't know why. She thinks maybe a punishment might make her feel better and when i ask her if she did something wrong, she says no, but might it help? She has a "big lump in her throat" and wishes she didn't feel so horrible. We stare at each other in misery and i start to realize what is happening. Gathering Emily close we pray for Mid, that Jesus might be with her and that He would show us how to love her. We pray for the darkness to lift and afterwards we start singing. Not because we feel like it but because there is power in singing. The cloud didn't lift immediately and even now i can feel a war raging. I asked Marlin about it when he came in from milking and he simply nodded and said spiritual warfare. And so we fight. Not with carnal weapons but with the power of Jesus Christ. And i ask you to pray. Pray that Mid would see truth and light and that we would simply walk in His power. And i lay it down....down at the feet of my Savior, knowing that it's His burden to carry and we are only the messengers.

Chicken, weed, and charcoal

2010-11-10T12:52:00.000-08:00

And on the menu for supper is........our own free range, heritage, organic chicken. Oolala!!!! It's an awesome feeling to package your own meat, knowing that you had part in it's raising. Or, should i say, the boys did. Every morning and evening they faithfully watered and fed them, birds flocking at their heels. The result? Well, let's just put it this way. The day before they were to die, i looked out at the chickens happily pecking away and i cheerfully said, "peck away chickens, because tomorrow you will be HEADLESS!!!" I turned around to see an 11 year old boy manfully keeping the tears back, his cheeks pink with the effort. Oops, i forgot that children get attached to family pets, even the ones that have a freezer in their future. I apologized and promised to do better. Now, if i only had my own potatoes to put around the chicken, but for now, store bought will have to do.

I have great plans once again for next year's garden, but hopefully, i won't be moving next summer. And since we live in redneck country, my garden can look like a weed haven and no one will care. No Lancaster county style garden for this gal, no way. Just lots of potatoes, tomatoes, herbs, beans and weeds. (no Billie, not THAT kind of weed)

And if you are still looking for things to do right before supper, just let your preschoolers dump your whole container of activated charcoal all over the bathroom. Let them mix it with water and you've got yourself a deliciously black bathroom. Training them to stay out of the bathroom would be another option.

So that's all for this blog post. I'm storing all my other thoughts to share with our church ladies get together Friday evening. :)

Sour Cream

2010-11-01T16:18:00.000-07:00

So you want to make your own sour cream, aye? O, you didn't know that? That's ok, i'm here to tell you that you want to make your own. Especially when you read the list of ingredients that are on the back of the average container of sour cream. I have been shocked....i mean, how many ingredients does it take to make sour cream? Well, it takes exactly two, and you don't even need a powdered culture from a specialty store, just two things from the grocery store (or homemade if you have a few cows lying around) and a few sophisticated pieces of ingredients. A bowl, some wash pins and a fuzz free cloth, such as an old clean t-shirt. Hey, in redneck country you learn to make do with what you have. Wally world is just too far away and all those electronic devices and people make hillbillies nervous. (Excuse me while i spit.......we had a spitting contest outside today and i almost hit Marlin's muck boots. Makes his heart feel fuzzy when i do stuff like that...happy to oblige)

So here's what you do. You may want to write this down so you don't forget. You take one cup of yogurt and one cup of buttermilk. Are you ready for this? You mix it together, take your cut up old (preferably a clean one if you have it) t-shirt, lay it over a bowl, pin it securely with your washpins and here's the hard part. You carefully pour your yogurt and buttermilk mixture into the t-shirt and let it sit overnight to let the whey drain out and voila! you've got sour cream. Yup, tastes just like the real thing. Things like that make me real happy, which makes for more saliva, which means i may yet beat my men at spitting contests.

A good day.........

2010-10-31T13:55:00.000-07:00

Today i talked with a mother of 13, who homeschools AND works morning and evening in the family's veal barn...........i was blessed.

Today i met a radiant young woman wearing a beautiful, Jewish head scarf, whose face glowed, someone who came to those convictions through the work of the Holy Spirit and who stepped out in radical obedience.........i was blessed.

Today i went to climb into the van to leave church, and couldn't. There were 2 casserole dishes sitting on my seat, given by a very busy mama who wanted to bless me. I KNOW how busy she is and i KNOW the time she spent making that food could've been spent doing something for herself.......i was blessed.

And today i cried on the way home from church, once again searching my heart, crying out to God to give me the extra strength to continue giving......and to continue trusting. I wondered if we had heard God wrong, if we tried to "fix" a situation that wasn't ours to fix. Wondering why everything seems to be going wrong farm wise that possibly could, and if somehow, through all the prayers and tears, we misread God's heart for us. Of how much easier it would've been to stay in our debt free comfort zone. Marlin listened, saying little, but i knew, looking across the van at the man i love, that he cared. We drove in silence while I dried the tears and then i heard His voice. The one that had seemed silent the last several days. The voice that makes my heart leap. Deep in the recesses of my heart..."Did i ever promise that following my will would be easy?" And following that voice, my heart filled with His glorious joy, knowing that nothing can separate me from the His love. Following God with reckless abandon is never easy........but it's the only way i want to live.

Reality Check...........

2010-10-28T04:30:00.000-07:00

It's been one of those weeks. You know, when things just don't flow. Actually, i did have some good mornings but by evening i'd be feeling exhausted, stressed and grouchy. However, we did get some big things done. Take yesterday for example. A friend came over and we baked 32 loaves of bread. Yup, 32 loaves and except for a few that we ate, they all went into my freezer. Actually, i did very little of the baking, my friend did pretty much all of it, while i tried to look organized and failed miserably. My organizational skills hit bottom when i discovered water in my bag of newly bought wheat. Two little boys+water=disaster.

Eric is having a mental block with his division, and i am having a heart block with my mother. Disappointed in myself for my lack of grace, i heap condemnation on my head, which does nothing to help matters. God seems rather distant, and i find myself questioning why He would want anything to do with a wretch like me. I also find myself perusing Alzheimer's websites, and leave them feeling worse, haunted by the fact that it could happen to me and my children may someday deal with the same emotions that i'm battling through. I thought i had worked through all that, only to discover that it's a continual process. My heart aches for my father, as i realize he carries the far greater burden, and if people only knew the tremendous emotional strain of taking care of someone with dementia, they would visit him far more often. Nothing lifts the burden for the caretaker more than people stopping in, if only to chat for a few minutes.

So now you know. I don't live in a rose colored cloud..........oh, you didn't think that before? Well, now you know for sure. :) So what to do? Drink some green tea, take a deep breath and start singing. Now if i could only remember the words.........

2010-10-25T03:17:00.000-07:00

We had a good Sunday evening. My parents were gone and we decided to have a simple family evening, eating popcorn and drinking chocolate milk and playing Apples to Apples. The kids just love that game and it's always fun to listen to them argue their points for why we should choose their cards. After food and games, we all sat around the living room while i read them a story of a street child, somewhere in South America, and how she found Jesus in the end. I had read it in the afternoon and it struck a chord deep within my heart and i knew i had to read it to the children. Eric had tears in his eyes by the time i was finished and all he wanted to do was build a gigantic house and start bringing these children in. Emily kept saying what a rich child she is and the twins sucked their thumbs and argued over daddy's lap, while Jacob crawled around, trying to find someone who would let him bite them. You know, that story really made me think. What are we really here for? It's so easy to get caught up in "life" and making a living, but is that all we want for our children? Is that all we want for ourselves? It is our heart that there would be placed deep within our children's souls a deep compassion for the lost, and an urgency to spend themselves for Jesus Christ, whether that's in America, or whether that's in another country. How dare we hold back out of fear, or out of the whole, "we are Americans and don't want either ourselves or our children to suffer" mentality. Or maybe that's not just an American mentality but a human nature mindset. :( Whatever the case, i pray that God would see fit to continue to use me for His kingdom, and right now, that means serving right where i am. I don't need to worry about next year or even tomorrow. It is enough that i pour myself out today.

Onto other things.......for those who are wondering how my father's house is coming along. We are hoping to start painting this week and Lord willing, the kitchen will be installed the first wknd. in November. Hopefully by the end of November they will be enjoying their new home and we will once again be a family. That also means that we will be inviting many friends to come up and enjoy weekends with us, or even just an evening. I am so proud of my dad for how he has been working. Not many 63 year olds would be building their own house by themselves. We had a couple of work days and a few people here and there who helped, and someone else is finishing the drywall, but other than that, he did it alone. It's how he wanted to do it, and he has pushed himself hard, so i think no one will be more excited than him to be finished. Well, i think we'll all be equally excited around here......

And for my friends who blessed me with parmesan cheese? You are the best. ;)

How happy are you?

2010-10-18T14:43:00.000-07:00

So how happy are you when your bank account says $0.00? Well, i'm here to assure you that if your happiness depends on the state of your bank account, i wish for you an empty one. Not because i'm evil, but because i want for you to find true security and happiness. Sure, there are things i'd like to buy right now, such as parmesan cheese, but in all reality, we are very happy without parmesan. Or those new shoes that i'd kind of like since my favorite pair are rather scuffed. Our children are learning quite well without an expensive curriculum and if i'd lose a few pounds i'd have like a whole new wardrobe. And our bank account doesn't actually say $0.00, although to be honest, i don't really know how close it is to saying that. Marlin does the book work, and if i see a bill laying on the desk for yet another bill, i lay it before God in my quiet time. That's all i can do, besides not buying parmesan cheese. (i really, really like parmesan cheese, can you tell?)

Actually, i feel quite rich. I told Marlin last week that i feel like the richest woman in the world. I have a godly husband, who i fall more and more in love with the longer i live with him. He is THE MAN!! Not perfect by any means, but MY, he's fine. Even when he's covered with cow manure. I see his heart for his children, and his brokenness before God and my heart goes flip-flop. And i have 7 beautiful, healthy children who actually like me, and i can assure you that i consider that a miracle. I've got a fireplace, and i LOVE fireplaces. (and parmesan cheese) I've got a wonderful church, with people who share our vision and so many friends who tolerate us. I've got raw milk and i'm hoping to get some chocolate soon....for baking of course. ;) although technically that is considered a luxury, i think i can squeeze some small change out for chocolate. To bless my family and friends with cookies and such, what did you think? And best of all, i have a personal relationship with the very God of the universe. Ahhh yes, i am blessed among women.

Math

2010-10-11T07:11:00.000-07:00

AAACCCKKKKK!!!!!!!!!! That woman over there banging her head against a wall? That's me, trying to teach one of my children how to count money. This is math curriculum #5 since we started teaching this certain child several years ago. Yes, yes, yes, i know, DON'T CHANGE MATH CURRICULUMS!!!! EVER!!!! Horizons moved WAY to fast, MathUSee to slow and too far behind where this child needed to be, ACE didn't even sink in at the most basic level, and i can't even remember what other ones we tried. I think we finally found the one that works, however, it takes me sitting beside said child (named omitted to retain child's dignity) and carefully explaining each concept, step by step. Over and over and over and over and over............Every so often i leave the room, clutching my head and wishing i could take a long walk on a short plank. And God forbid i EVER show a trace of impatience in my voice or the child will dissolve into tears.....i think we will do a ceremony of tossing the book out the window when we're finished. However, math needs to be learned, come what may and so help me God, WE WILL FINISH!!! Having said all that, i do like the math we're doing this year. It's basic, nothing fancy, and black and white. It's nothing professing christian, but i figure you can get only so spiritual about 1+1, although there is nothing obnoxious that i've seen so far. It's also inexpensive and it's mastery, not spiral learning, which is a MUST for this dear, math handicapped child of mine. MCP. Modern Curriculum Press. And through the tears and head clutching, our heart strings are tied together yet some more as we slay this math dragon. So there you have it, a homeschool moment in the Weaver household.

Who do you trust?

2010-10-06T02:43:00.000-07:00

A subject that is continually on my heart and has been for years. What happens when someone throws "caution" out the door and truly lives by faith? What does living by faith mean? I'm not talking about wild spending because we "trust in God to provide" but i'm talking about something completely different. I read these stories, such as George Muller, who lived completely by faith, not even always knowing where the next meal would come from. Imagine......empty cupboards, empty kettles, empty hands....and yet God always provided. And down through the years my heart has longed to have a faith like that. I have no desire for empty cupboards, but i long for a radical faith, a trust so sweet that even a shaky economy can't shake. So living on the farm has given Marlin and i many chances to stretch our faith and through that we've had many long talks. Is insurance the only way to go? Is "christianity" right when it says you MUST prepare for retirement? Is retirement even biblical? What about saving accounts? Social security? Government handouts? If Jesus was serious when he told that rich young man to sell all he had and give to the poor, what on earth was that young man supposed to live on? Yes, i know that Jesus was driving a point home about that young man's heart, but could there possibly be a principle that Jesus was also trying to get across? I don't have all the answers and i believe God can even use government handouts for his glory. After all, he is GOD! And that's the very same God that tells us not to worry about tomorrow, what we will eat or drink or what we should wear. Kind of goes against our modern day teaching that we need to place safety nets all around and under us. I don't know, deep in my heart i feel a pull, a pull towards not only radical obedience, but a pull towards radical faith in every area, including financial. I know the shaky economy is enough to drive fear into our hearts, and yet i'm not sure that a fallen economy would be the worst thing that could happen to the church. What kingdom are we serving? Am i willing to sell all and give to the poor? To trust God for even my next meal? O! that God would do such a work in our hearts that even in desperate times His light would shine gloriously through us! I stand here in need of that work......

Edited to add: I just wanted to put in here that we are not against insurance, especially programs like Samaritan ministries. We have been hugely blessed through them and think it's a beautiful thing. I believe from the bottom of my heart that each couple must seek God for what He wants for them and that may very well look different for each family. We went through a tough time when we didn't have insurance and Joshua became deathly ill. We almost lost him (he was 8 months and had RSV) and we had NO clue how we were going to pay that hospital bill for 5 days, including a $3,000 ambulance bill. To this day we don't know who stepped in, but that bill is paid in full. The fact is, sometimes a person simply can't afford even the lowest premiums and that's where the test lies. That's where each family needs to seek God's heart in a personal way. I wonder sometimes how often we rob God of the joy of miraculously meeting a need.........

School and Sanity

2010-09-28T18:11:00.000-07:00

So how does a woman home school around farm life and keep her sanity? One word.....flexibility. Make that two words. God and flexibility. And don't compare yourself, your life and your children with others. Seek God's heart, pray that He would show you how HE wants you to teach YOUR children, and enjoy the ride. I have to remind myself of that on a regular basis. On the farm, no two days are alike. Take for example the week that a cow had a dead calf and almost died in the process. Marlin made up some wicked tinctures with garlic, cayenne and vodka, (left over from vanilla making) and him and Eric spent most of the day working with her. That week we also had a cow that was growing a fifth quarter (we have a knack of buying freako cows) so he got to watch surgery first hand. So how did we do "school" around that? That was his school for the day and if i can keep that focus, i can walk in peace. So for now, this is what our curriculum looks like. Kind of.

Math-Emily and Zac are doing MCP math, Eric is finishing up last year's that he needed brush up on.

ENGLISH-copywork from Queen Homeschool,and language arts from a book i bought at a yard sale for 50 cents. We're sitting down and working at it together. We'll see......they also have a journal they write in that we are also incorporating spelling with.

SCIENCE-live cow surgery, dead kittens, sick cows and home remedies, mama cows eating placenta's and finding out why they would do something so sick, elderberry hunting only to discover that we're preparing to harvest pokeberries.....on and on and on the list goes, every day something new. I would like to study the human body this winter but for now this is more than enough.

HISTORY-Listening to countless stories from Grandpa around the table. He has a wealth of stories ( He is a HUGE reader and a very expressive story teller) and if that is all the history they get this year it is enough, not to mention that they will remember for the rest of their lives the time spent with him. However, i do have a plan for a bit later but we'll see if it works out.

They are also doing cursive, and have reading time, and more importantly than anything else, they are building life skills that will benefit them into eternity. Yes, i most definitely see gaps and Lord willing, we'll be working on that but my constant prayer has been that God would show me how to teach them what they will need for the future. I do not have lesson plans or a schedule, we simply work each day on the next lesson or do review if needed, and while there's a big part of me that would love a schedule, it's not even feasible at this point. Every year i always had a basic routine, but i've had to lay all that down and trust that God and Marlin know what they're doing. As i continue to lay down my control and simply surrender and TRUST, i walk in peace. The moment i start comparing and worrying that they will NEVER learn, i lose any sense of peace and panic builds.

You know, i'm convinced that homeschooling will look different for each family. This is where we're at and as long as my heart is to glorify Jesus Christ and not big mama Weav, i truly believe He will honor that and our children will have a far richer education than i could dream of. Our relationships as a family over the last several months has gotten so incredibly richer and i treasure that far above anything else. So Emily may never get very far in algebra? I could give less of a hoot as long as her heart is to follow her Lord.......and since she just informed me the other night that she longs to be a missionary, i may need to put her on a path to language study instead. :) The fact is, we don't know what God will call our children to, so there is no one better to place our trust in on our homeschooling journey.

A life of richness

2010-09-23T02:07:00.001-07:00

My father left a little before midnight to take some amish out to Ohio. I checked on mom during the night (they sleep in a wee camper behind our house until their house is finished) but at 5 she was crying. She thought everyone had left. So after getting her dressed, i brought her into the house, annoyance clawing at my insides. I was tired, having gotten up with both her and Jacob during the night, and i couldn't help but think about how exhausting it is to take care of someone with dementia. I don't get the full brunt, since my father is around most of the time, but when he leaves for short trips i realize the emotional exhaustion that comes with it, although i gladly let my father have those times to get away and refresh. You forget what that person used to be like, and all you remember is someone who can't remember what you told her 5 minutes ago.

I brought mom into the house, found her a sweater and put her socks and shoes on. It was then she looked at me and asked me if i wanted to go back down, meaning back to bed. I told her no, i'll stay up, and then she said that she is sorry for making me get up early. My heart melted and my annoyance disappeared. I assured her it's no problem and i walked away with an ache in my heart.

I talk rarely about my mother on this blog, not because she isn't a big part of my life, because she is. I rarely talk about her, as i want to respect who she was and who she still is. Older people, especially people with some form of dementia, get abused very quickly by family members. I understand why and my heart aches for all those people out there trying to take care of parents like mom, without the grace of Jesus Christ in their lives. I love my mom, but she is no longer the same woman who raised me. She will ask the same question 20 times a day, she worries about things that never mattered before, and the time is quickly coming when she will no longer recognize my face. So how does a person carry on graciously, perfoming all those menial tasks for someone who is no longer capable of doing the simplest thing? How do i continue with love towards her, truly serving her out of love and not out of duty? I'm still walking through all those things, learning as i go, but there is one thing i don't question. God's grace is sufficient. He has clearly called me here and here is where i want to be. The last several months have had some incredibly hard moments, and yet i've never been happier and more fulfilled. My life is so rich and i'm learning that some of that richness is a reward for a life of service. This world promises happiness if you only serve yourself, making sure that YOU are taken care of first. Jesus says to lay down your life and to pick up your cross, and i can assure you, it's worth every tear streaked second. Forget about what you think you need to be happy, forget about the world and pick up your cross. Meet Jesus every morning, cry out to Him, walk in the path He has called you, and you will find a life full of richness. You will find your heart bursting with gratitude, praising Him that He is walking with you in every detail of your life. Surrender your wants and desires to Him, being willing to walk the lowliest stations of life, and you will truly discover happiness. Lately, when i had Jacob grabbing at my skirt, wobbling to hold on while i worked in the kitchen, and my mother was hovering nearby with some questions that were worrying her and i had the twins begging for mama, i realized something. I don't have to wonder if i'm truly wanted, needed, or loved, and instead of complaining and feeling stressed (which is how i usually feel at moments like that)i thanked God for the gift of being needed. Every time i serve, i am crucifying a bit more of my flesh, filling it with the Holy Spirit and His power. It's not easy and i have to constantly guard my heart against envying people who seem to have lots of free time, but i would have it no other way. Jesus has called me here, His presence surrounding me, and there is no place i'd rather be.

Elderberry syrup and Prespray

2010-09-20T11:59:00.000-07:00

I'm always looking for a new way to save a few pennies, what with all these gorgeous children that keep showing up around here. :) I have 2 different things for you to try, and i'm excited about both.

I do lots of laundry. Lots and lots and lots. I do clothing on Monday, sheets and towels on Tuesday, clothing again on Wednesday, Thursday i take the day off unless there are blankets that need washing, Friday i do clothing again and Saturday? You guessed it, clothing and towels. An average of 3-4 loads a day, which means going through a ton of laundry soap. So i started once again making my laundry soap which is simple and inexpensive and i think i like it. Once i took into account that i am doing some extremely dirty wash, i realized my homemade soap is working quite well. The recipe is simple. One bar of grated soap, ( i use Fels Naptha) 4 cups Borax and 2 cups washing soda. Sometimes i use part Biz to give an added boost, and i use about 1/4 cup per load of the soap, although the recipe says 2 T for large loads. I'm guessing they're talking about "normal" american families, not farmers, so i use more. But that's not the recipe i'm wanting to share. The recipe i'm excited to share with you is prespray. You see, i really hate soaking and scrubbing my dirty wash. I want to prespray and throw it into the wash. When you're doing literally hundreds of pieces of clothing a week, you don't have the time to hunker down over a washtub, laboriously hand scrubbing each shirt. However, prespray is expensive, and my wallet isn't exactly fat, so i started scouring the internet for options. First option didn't work, but today i hit on a gold mine. Equal parts of water, dish soap, and ammonia. That's it. Woo-hoo, join me while we do the laundry dance......i used Dawn, since that kind's really good for grease and i put it into an old spray bottle. I was simply amazed at how well it worked. Stuff like that makes me happy.... very, very happy.

Now for recipe #2. You know that really expensive elderberry syrup that you buy at the health food store that you take when you're fighting a cold or flu? Well guess what.......you can make it yourself. At home. So without further ado.........

ELDERBERRY SYRUP

1 cup fresh elderberries or 1/2 cup dried
1 cinnamon stick
5 cloves
1 T fresh ginger, grated
2 cup water
1 cup honey, raw

Bring first 5 ingredients to boil in saucepan and simmer til reduced to half, about 20 minutes. Strain and make sure to squash the berries to get all the yumminess out. Add honey, pour into small glass jar and store in fridge. It will last up to several weeks. Take a teaspoon daily as an insurance against the flu or colds and if you're fighting something, take up to 4 teaspoons. And really, if you feel like drinking the whole jar, it ain't gonna' hurt ya. So slurp it down and enjoy the cold weather.

So there you have it. 2 recipes for my special blog friends, even if you almost never leave comments. ;)

Grape Pie

2010-09-15T10:01:00.000-07:00

I needed more to do, you know. Cooking 3 meals a day, doing piles of laundry, trying to homeschool around cow surgery, chasing and eternally training twins, cleaning filthy floors,.....on and on, always feeling like i'm 10 steps behind. So i decided to make grape pie. That's right, grape pie. The kind where you hand squeeze each grape and then cook it, not to mention the dreaded pie crusts. What, you may ask, possessed me to do such a thing? Well, i'm a servant at heart, tender and kind, knowing that my beloved father loves nothing more than a good pie. Not buying it? Alright, you win. I made it as much for myself as for my father, although i DID also make it for him. I figured i'm already knee deep in grape juice, so i might as well throw myself over the edge. All i have to say is, the pie is worth it. Every slobbery, grapey bite. O my, o my, i just died and went to grape heaven. Here's the recipe if you want to join me. I dare you. Make that a double dare.

Concord Grape Pie I

Original Recipe Yield 1 - 9 inch pie

Ingredients

* 1 recipe pastry for a 9 inch double crust pie
* 5 cups Concord grapes
* 1 1/4 cups white sugar
* 1/4 cup all-purpose flour
* 1 pinch salt
* 3/4 teaspoon lemon juice
* 1 1/2 tablespoons butter

Directions

1. Wash grapes, and remove the skins. Save the skins. Place grape pulp in a large saucepan; mash a few at the bottom to release their juice. Cook over medium low heat until grapes come to a full boil. Remove pulp from heat, and press through a food mill to remove seeds. Combine pulp and skins in a large bowl. Stir in lemon juice.
2. In a separate bowl, mix sugar, flour, and salt. Stir into grape mixture. Pour filling into pastry crust, and dot with butter or margarine. Cover with second pastry shell. Flute edges, and cut little slits in the top crust for steam to escape.
3. Bake at 400 degrees F (205 degrees C) for 45 to 50 minutes, or until crust is brown and juice begins to bubble through slits in top crust. Cool.

Panic attack anyone? Have some gravy........

2010-09-11T16:31:00.000-07:00

I just recovered from my yearly panic attack in regards to school. It happens every year around this time. I wonder when i fell and cracked my head, making me think it's possible for me to actually teach my children enough knowledge to make them capable adults. I lay awake at night, fear gnawing at the pit of my stomach, convinced we are permanently damaging our offspring. When people raise their eyebrows at finding out that not only do we have 7 children but i HOMESCHOOL, i find myself agreeing and thinking that i may as well line up some local counselors for my suffering children. I find myself working at a furious pace, trying to conquer the fears through slave labor, only to find myself chewing my fingernails instead of praying. And when i do pray, my prayers fall flat, smacking me in the face. And then i do the one thing that i should've done in the beginning. I start. I take that leap of faith, drag the books out, take the children on a shopping trip for new colors and pencils, and voila! the fear is gone. We sharpen our pencils, start a new book for read aloud time, play follow the leader in break (my new best breakthrough. Have a 10 minute break part way through the morning lessons, and actually play with them. Peek around the corner, hide and seek upstairs, anything that's active and gets the blood flowing, even if you do have to carry either a 3 year old or a 1 year old on your hip. They LOVE it, you will laugh hysterically and somehow it doesn't matter as much that you've got dust bunnies under your bed) and whether i'm teaching double multiplication or chasing someone around the room, i remember again why i homeschool. I remember why we've chosen this way and somehow my fears fall back to the pit where they came from. I had plans of buying certain history and science books this year, but for now that's been put on hold. We will take (Lord willing) many trips to the library as a family, bringing home stacks of books and oh the fun of cuddling in blankets, surrounded with many small bodies as we read through book after book. And for those mornings when i feel like taking the books over my children's heads? That's what chocolate is for, even if it means eating it in the bathroom. Nothing wrong with the bathroom.......especially if you have magazines.

And now that we've got that out of the way, let me tell you about our new favorite breakfast. It's delicious, feeds many people and best of all? It's really, really cheap. I'm talking like seriously cheap with only 5 ingredients, and when you're feeding 11 people on a daily basis, that's kind of important.

Cracked Pepper Gravy. There's one must. It MUST, i tell you, MUST be freshly cracked peppercorns. You must buy the whole peppercorns along with a pepper grinder, or your gravy will lack and your man won't look at you at the breakfast table and wink. Yours doesn't wink? Try this gravy, he just might. So here's the recipe.

Cracked Pepper Gravy

Cracked pepper is different from freshly ground pepper because the former is stronger in flavor and aroma. Grind them in a food processor or blender, only pulsing them once or twice just to crack them.

1/4 cup (1/2 stick) unsalted butter
5 tablespoons flour
2 1/2 cups milk
1 1/2 teaspoons kosher salt
4 teaspoons cracked pepper

Melt the butter in a heavy saucepan. When the foam goes down, whisk in the flour. Continually whisk until the flour cooks, becoming a fragrant light brown. Slowly add the milk, continuing to whisk to keep lumps from forming. Season with salt and pepper. Simmer gravy for 10 minutes to cook and reduce.

Serve hot.

Makes 3 cups.

See? How simple is that and my man doesn't even miss meat when i make this. We actually prefer this above sausage gravy, although we happily eat that too. And i like when he winks at me at the breakfast table. I'm not quite as quick to take to the bathroom later and eat chocolate during school.

So that's pretty much what's been happening lately. Panic attacks, school, gravy, winking......

Beauty and Recreation......farmer style

2010-09-03T13:17:00.000-07:00

Sometimes a girl needs a little beauty in her life. Sometimes it's new shoes, new curtains........or hamburgers carefully shaped, staggered, and stacked with parchment papers in between. Just like a butcher shop or a gourmet whole foods. I think i need a life.

Farm life has a way of changing a person. Take, for example, a denim skirt that i had tucked away in our other house. I was going to throw it away cause i thought it looked tired and wore out. After all, my man was working with carefully dressed women every day and i didn't want him coming home to a hag. We moved and i found the skirt the other day. I held it up for inspection and much to my surprise, it looks almost new. Wow, how exciting, to be living in my very own thrift store. I also ironed Marlin's barn shirts before we moved. Now i only hit the biggest creases on his Sunday shirts and figure it'll be wrinkly before we get to church anyway. Let me tell you, the children get dirty like no other and their mama? Spotless, crisp and edges pressed razor sharp. O wait, that was Marlin's pants in another life. I feel clean as long as i don't stay sticking to the sink. It doesn't help that we now have open ditches coming right up to my back door. That's not a tan on Jacob, that's dirt! The ditches are for the new water lines for both us and my parents. Fortunately for the children, they also cracked the sewer line so there's a great cheer when someone heads for the bathroom. The front door flies open and there's a rush outside so they can watch the crack. Sure enough, it's like their very own "show and tell." O wow, check that out.........does this make us weird? Or, oh horrors, does that make us rednecks? According to our children we are. The boys informed Emily one day that we are rednecks and she most heatedly told them we are not. "Yup," says Zac, "we're farmers and that makes us rednecks." The same child also informed me yesterday that we no longer have to worry about being clean since we're now farmers. Son, does this house look like a barn? Do i look like a slop? Well, ok, please don't answer too honestly. Underneath the tomato stains, sweat rings and cow poop, i'm actually quite clean and dainty. And someday i might even act it. :)

Of cows and Salvation

2010-08-23T05:48:00.000-07:00

Beautiful lush green pastures, brown faced cows, rich creamy milk...i tell the children it's like living in a calendar page. We love it and we feel so blessed. But there's another side to the picture perfect scene. We just lost a third of our cows to an incurable disease, a disease we thought they had been tested for before we bought them. A hard blow for my men, both big and small. A hard blow to our faith, to our trust in God, and to our pocketbook. Those cows were not bought on a whim, and they weren't bought without seeking advice. So what happened? Did we hear God wrong? Were we actually outside His will when all we wanted was to walk out what we thought He called us to? I don't have the answers to those questions but i'm convinced of one thing. Our children are worth it and our Heavenly Father is still good. And i know that none of this took Him by surprise. I don't want to "over spiritualize" here, as the reality of it all was pretty rough on us for a bit, but the fact remains, it's this kind of stuff that shows what we're made of. Either we trust God and let Him refine us through the whole thing, or we start panicking and lose all peace. We're not on the other side yet, but i know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is bigger than cows, money, and raw milk permits. (which we're STILL waiting for!!) I saw my man grow up some more in the last 2 months and if the way i feel about him is any indication, i can only imagine how his Heavenly Father feels about him. He's one fine man! ;)

We also had the unbelievable joy of leading Eric to Christ last week. That has a way of putting everything into perspective. He had come to us several months ago and after Marlin asked him a few questions, he encouraged Eric to keep praying about the work God was starting in his heart. We felt that while God was clearly moving, Eric didn't feel that weight of sin at that point. Last Monday night, he came to us and wanted to talk. We had been watching some fantastic lightning behind beautiful white thunderclouds, and Marlin made the comment that maybe Jesus is on His way. Unknowing to us, that struck some serious fear in Eric's heart. So we talked again and Marlin gently pointed him to Jesus Christ, explaining that there isn't anything we can "do" to become a christian, but that we need to accept. We talked about sin, got on our knees and Eric was a broken young man. His mama was a mess too, although i didn't let on, but what a privilege!! He's still a child, (he'll be 11 in November) and i know that Jesus will lead him gently. The time will come when he will be called to a deeper surrender as his understanding grows but what a wonderful Saviour to surrender our children too. After Eric went to bed i told Marlin that Emily has been quite a challenge lately and i think it's high time she gets saved. Maybe she's under conviction? Should i ask her? Marlin told me to relax, God will lead her the same way He led Eric. You'd think i'd get the point but i tend to get over zealous and think in terms of "one down, 6 more to go." Ah well, it's a good thing i have a solid leader, don't you think?

Got Milk? Anyone?

2010-08-18T13:11:00.000-07:00

Our first day of school is over. And it didn't include a single book, just lots of tractors, food, and mennonites. We were at Ag Progress Days and i will most certainly consider that a field trip. We had a great time, in spite of the fact that after we got there we realized neither of us had any cash with us. O well, certainly there has to be an ATM somewhere on the vicinity. Nope. Thankfully Marlin has made friends with different milk related business people, so we were handed lots of free organic chocolate milk and cheese. The most interesting part of the day for me was people watching. I could sit on a bench and just watch people. Far more interesting than watching tractors. The sight that took the day were the conservative mennonite girls with their dresses plastered with free bumper stickers. "Eat Beef," "Organic Valley" and the worst of all. "Got milk?" Right on the back, for all the world to wonder. I informed Eric to never let Emily do that when she's a teenager. Neither may she wear a "corn" shaped paper hat or have her face painted with flowers. Actually, i think she can just figure on staying home. She has way to much of her mama in her and i'm afraid to think of the consequences.

We did find food after we left. Best mexican food i ever ate, hands down, and for very reasonable. A great treat in the middle of the week. So now i sit at home, trying to ignore the fact that i have to think of something for supper. I just want to sit on the front porch with a cup of ice tea and watch the world go by. Actually, you can't watch the world go by, we are surrounded by trees, but that's just fine by me.

So not a very deep blog post, but that's ok. I have many "deeper" things to write about but for some reason they refuse to be written. Maybe later............

I Like My Kids

2010-08-11T13:10:00.000-07:00

They are truly some of the funniest people i know. They are a BLAST to be with and i'm crazy about them. And i can't imagine not homeschooling them. Each year i get more excited about learning with them and more jealous of who they are developing friendships with. Don't get me wrong, i want them to have healthy friendships along with diversity, but they are so incredibly precious and this time of life is so incredibly short. So when i came across this post from "Passionate Homemaking" i knew i had to copy it and post it here. She says it beautifully. Enjoy.

Why Do We Want to Homeschool?

by Lindsay on Aug 06, 2010 in learning at home

As we begin planning and preparing for the education of our children, my husband and I have been prayerfully considering and discussing why we would like to homeschool them. I was personally homeschooled through high school, while Aaron was homeschooled through junior high, and we both loved the experience. But I know that in order to persevere and be successful in it, we must have a mission and vision to keep us on track. My personal homeschooling experience was far from perfect, in fact there were many areas that were lacking, but overall, it was so influential in my life because Christ was the center of my education and we loved learning together. Please note my desire in sharing our motivation is in no way to condemn any of you who have chosen a different path for education. I know that God may have a different route for your family. I simply find it helpful to establish our foundation from the beginning in this manner. May it help encourage and inspire you in your pursuit of educating your children.

These are the five primary reasons we have decided to pursue this form of education:
1. In order to keep Christ the center in our home

We want the cornerstone of our children’s education to be centered around a Biblical worldview. We see great value in learning how to discuss the many worldviews of our culture all through the lens of the Word of God. We desire for the foundation of everything we learn – from geography to history – to be centered around God’s beautiful redemptive plan. Homeschooling gives us the freedom to design our curriculum around the core message of the gospel.
2. We want to be the primary influence in the lives of our children

Our primary responsibility is to train and disciple our children to love and serve the Lord all the days of their lives. I believe being their primary teacher is the best means for me to impart a love for Christ to our children and a love to serve and bless others with their lives. We are passionate about teaching our children as we sit down, as we rise up, and as we walk along the way (Deut. 6:7), and we believe homeschooling is an excellent fit in fulfilling this calling.
3. For the cultivation of strong family relationships

The beauty of homeschooling is learning together, of always being together and learning to love and work together in peaceful manners. It birthed over time beautiful friendships among my own siblings. I love spending time with my little ones just learning about the world together. It’s delightful and I cannot imagine exchanging it for anything. I want to walk hand in hand as we explore God’s creation, as we marvel at the plan of history throughout the ages, and as we glimpse the complexity of His design. I want to talk about it every step of the way.
4. To encourage a love for learning in our home

Another benefit we appreciate about homeschooling is the ability to design and organize our own curriculum focused on what each child desires to learn, and meet their own particular needs and learning styles, rather than forcing them to read a certain textbook or agenda. We call it delight-directed learning. Does your child love World War II? Why not package geography, history, and writing into one as you borrow books from the library on that topic? Our children will retain that which they enjoy. We want our children to love to learn, read, and study God’s world, and homeschooling is a great means of accomplishing that in numerous creative options. We can learn and explore the world around us together through everyday activities.
5. For the freedom it provides to focus on the Kingdom work

Lastly, we love the freedom that homeschooling provides to allow us to get up and go as needed. If we need to set aside the day to serve another family, take a day outing or field trip, or simply take a break, it does not jeopardize anything. We want our children to know first and foremost that walking in light of the Great Commission is our first priority as a family.

That being said, my goals are not that we would have the most smart or well-educated children on the earth, but rather that our children would first love the Lord, desire to serve Him, love to learn, respect and steward God’s creation, and learn to articulate their faith from a Biblical worldview. We will utilize homeschool co-ops in the future to glean further learning from other knowledgeable people, in addition to speech and debate groups so that we can think logically in understanding and relating to our culture. We will learn music skills so that we can lead others in worshiping our Creator.

Our goal is not to be overly protective of our children in anyway. We want to equip them effectively to be sent out to share the love of Christ with others. That is what this life is about. Education matters little if my children do not love the Lord.

2010-08-11T04:29:00.000-07:00

So is life on the farm worth it? Are the uncertainties and the learning curves worth the opportunity to work together as a family? Well, it's only been a month but let me answer that question with a shout. YES!! I asked Marlin last night if he likes working at home and being around us every day. After all, if the daddy of the family doesn't like it, it doesn't matter much if the rest of us do or not. His answer left me no doubt. The farm isn't for every family, and milking isn't for every man. Of course, we're hoping to take it much farther than just milk, but cows and manure are a very big part of the picture. The changes we've seen in the boys are amazing. Eric and Marlin have a rapport that simply wasn't there before. They loved each other but working and sweating together just does something for a relationship. They've had their moments, believe me, but the way i see Eric looking at his daddy, and the way those two belly laugh over something is worth every second of uncertainty. Zac comes in from his morning of milking, (every Tuesday Eric has off milking and gets to sleep in til his heart's content) glowing with pride over being a part.

I guess there's always reality to keep a balance. Cows get sick and die, thunderstorms go around instead of giving much needed rain, and you now understand why most farms are operating in the red. Life is like that and through it all, you keep your chin up and remember that it's worth it. We're not in it because we thought we'd get rich, (although a little money now and then sure has a way of putting a person in a good mood), we're in it because we have a goal far more important than money. So far there are 7 reasons why we're here and they're worth every second.

And for school? Someday we might actually have time to sit down and "do school" but i've also realized why farmers laugh when you talk about schedules. "School" takes a back seat when there's a calf being born or big daddy Weav needs a hand in the barn. But after all, isn't life the best school there is? A time for everything and everything in it's time.

"Lord, increase our faith."

2010-08-10T13:46:00.000-07:00

She looks at me, her eyes full of pain. "Why did this have to happen to me? I asked the Lord why and He didn't answer........i just want to be normal again." My heart aches for my mother, a shell of who she used to be. I don't have any answer for her, so i wrap my arms around her and pray for faith. A faith that trusts even when i don't understand.

We have had some serious setbacks this month and i keep praying, "Lord, increase my faith." What kind of faith does it take to trust in a God we can't see? To believe that He is good when nothing makes sense? Or is that kind of faith impractical? Does only a fool believe that God is really in control and we can sing with joy, in spite of nothing making sense? Is it stupidity to say, "though He slay me, yet will i trust Him?" And yet, what's our options? Carrying a load of stress, worrying that it will never rain again, the meadows will never be green again, i will inherit my mother's disease, i'm a failure as a mother and on and on the list goes.....is that the way i want to live? NO! A resounding no! I've seen first hand what kind of life that is and i want different. I want a radical faith that trusts in a radical God. There's only one problem. That kind of faith only comes through testing. And every time i choose to trust, no matter WHAT, i feel that joy seeping through my very bones. Someday when i grow up, i will be able to say with Apostle Paul, "i have learned in whatsoever state i am, therewith to be content."

We have internet.............

2010-08-07T06:25:00.000-07:00

and mice.......(the bounty number is at 9) and flies. Lots of them, zooming around my head, sitting on my food. I'm thankful for the the internet, not so much for the mice and flies. Farming. It's not for the fainthear-ted. Each time we catch yet another mouse i grow up just a bit more. I still scream like a banshee when Eric brings in a toad the size no toad should be, scaring my poor father half out of his wits and causing Eric to wonder why his mama is such a wimp. He stomps mice on the head, puts milkers on large animals, and runs the skidloader with confidence. It puzzles him to see me act like a female. I, on the other hand, stare in amazement at my rapidly maturing son. I am seriously impressed at his fearlessness.

It's been quite a month. One month ago we moved in and i wondered if we had lost our minds once and for all. I decided i didn't want to do this after all and i drove away from our other house, the van full to the top with stuff, tears filling my eyes. And i grew up some more.

I now can make a farmers breakfast with ease, finding joy in serving my growing men. Emily and i wash innumerable dishes and hang out an unbelievable amount of stained jeans. My little men have a continual ring of dirt around some part of their body and we're learning that cows have personalities. Unfortunately the small terrier that wanders around here does not. We're hoping it will do us a favor and die, but so far no such luck.

It's been a tough month, a stretching month, full of fluctuating emotions alternating between discouragement and fulfillment. And yet when it comes down to it there's only one option. To do the next thing and to do it with the best of our abilities. To pray for faith to keep walking in spite of the ups and sometimes serious downs, and in the middle of it all, to remember the first and foremost reason we are doing this in the first place. To walk with our children according to Deuteronomy 6.

And now for the quick update.....

2010-07-09T11:58:00.000-07:00

My father's sale went pretty good, in spite of record temps. and Marlin and the boys are over cleaning up. We are fighting some pretty nasty colds so i would appreciate your prayers. Packing with a sore throat isn't my idea of fun, but we'll make it. All things work together for good, right?

Marlin's taking us out to our favorite little ice cream shop for pizza and ice cream one last time tonight. It's a little family run restaurant and they bring the pizza outside for us to eat. I'll miss it.

I'll be honest, this isn't an easy move for me. I know we're doing the right thing and i have a peace to continue walking, but i know it won't be an easy transition. But God is good and i get to be with my best friend and children every day. This move has only made me love him more. So between him and God? I'll be just fine!

My father's sale.......

2010-07-08T04:12:00.000-07:00

So here i sit, waiting for a friend to pick me up. Marlin's already at the farm, organizing and preparing, and Lord willing, by this afternoon it will be all over. It will be a relief, although i feel in some ways that my work is only really beginning. Tomorrow we finish packing up this house and Saturday we move. And our new life begins....

I will try and post a quick update before moving.

Of paint and food

2010-06-30T08:19:00.000-07:00

Picking out paint for a house can put an interesting twist on a marriage. Marlin leans towards the classy.....khaki, sage greens, warm earth tones. Me? My favorite color in the paint aisle was called sour lime. Delish! Marlin just shook his head but did say i could paint a small room that color. A very small room. I can't wait.........

We actually will be doing very little painting at first, simply due to monetary limits. We're painting the kitchen and living room so i don't feel all weird and like i actually never grew up and got married and left home, and even that may happen after moving day. It's just a funky feeling to move into your parents home, like i'm somehow going to turn into my parents. I love them dearly but that is most definitely not my goal in life.

As far as having my man around every day? LOVE IT!!! LOVE IT!!! LOVE IT!!!! He takes the twins along as often as he can when he runs errands and that isn't because i ask. What's not to like about that? It's like Saturday every day except that we don't go out for ice cream in the evening. I have to admit that Marlin and i both went through a period of sadness about his job at Martin Appliance being over. It was a wonderful stage of life and i was quite surprised to having feelings of loss. We both have wondered what our life will look like in 10 years...........

Our tentative moving date is next weekend and then? Dial up internet! Which means i won't be using the computer very much, which means.........not many blog posts. Besides, i'll be running after cows and making butter, churning ice cream and cooking, cooking, and when i'm finished with that, cooking some more. No wonder farmer wives tend to be good cooks, and a bit on the round side. That seems to be all i'm doing lately and hopefully i will eventually become a decent cook, without the round look if i can help it.

And i must now go clean up after cooking all morning. Ta-da!

What's happening in the Weaver house?

2010-06-23T04:31:00.000-07:00

This is the first week of our "new" life as farmers and yet not farmers. I know, that made a whole lot of sense but let me explain. We still haven't moved, which means whenever we are actually farmers, we have to drive 30 minutes first. We still aren't getting up early to milk, since my dad is doing most of the milking til we move. We also are enjoying the luxury of central air conditioning, which will come to a screeching halt after we become true farmers. No air in the farmhouse. As far as when that moving day is, we're not exactly sure. Sometime in the next 3 weeks, whenever all the details get ironed out. A wonderful time for me to be a wife and be able to follow, not lead. As i told a friend recently, my job description doesn't change, no matter what's happening in our life. Actually, a friend told me that once and i never forgot it. (Thanks Licia, you are truly walking it out in real life) Wherever we are, and whatever we are doing, i am first and foremost a wife and mother. It is not for me to carry the weight of the farm, the moving or even my mother. It is for me to continue to feed and clothe my family, love them, and most importantly of all, pray for them. I want to walk through this as a woman of grace, not a stressed out frazzled heap, sobbing my woes out to my man at the end of the day. There's a time and place for weeping and snotting all over Marlin, but God forbid i drag him down when he truly needs a helpmeet. And to be honest, i am walking in a peace that only comes from my heavenly Father. How gracious He is and how often i am amazed at how He's working out the littlest details as i continue to trust Him. A cup of good joe in the morning helps to. :)

My father's sale is in a couple weeks, which means much work, but again, i am simply amazed at how people are pouring themselves out for us. I have several aunts who are insisting on helping us houseclean my parents house, which is a big job and not only that, they are also bringing part of the meal. I'm telling you, i'm so very spoiled.......the work and unanswered questions, it's all worth it when we watch our sons careening down a very bumpy pasture on the wagon, turning it just in time to keep from hitting the fence, laughing hysterically at the joy of being young and carefree. Or to watch Eric turning into a young man, driving the van across the pasture as his big daddy follows in the 8N Ford. And the excitement as they get dressed to go to the farm with dad, it just blesses my heart. It puts everything into perspective. Sometimes i get scared, thinking of all the things that could go wrong, either financially or even with the safety of my boys. I mean, Eric fractured his arm the other week just horsing around in the front yard! Farms can be dangerous places, especially with 2 ponds, albeit small ones, and a set of 2 year old twins who have no clue what fear means. (They have no qualms about going right up to a cow and checking it out) What to do but pray and try and keep a close eye on them at all times, but face it, i'm not perfect and i'm not all seeing, but i know who is.........

Sometimes i just want to fast forward the next 3 months, but since that's not an option, i will simply have to continue taking one day at a time. And after all, that really is all i can do, aye?

Donuts anyone?

2010-06-15T18:56:00.000-07:00

You know that whole "getting my body back into shape" thing i mentioned the other day? I don't think going to Weis at 9 pm and eating a peanut butter filled donut on the way home is going to help much. I looked at it this way. I took Emily and Jacob with me and since i'm all into relationship building, donuts seemed like a good idea. I take a bite of her kind, and then a bite of mine. They were disgusting and i thought about how i was completely canceling out my bike ride i had taken earlier in the evening. I ate every bite and even licked my fingers. Would i do it again? Nope. Next time i would go through McDonalds and get some fries.

The Faith of a Child

2010-06-14T06:27:00.001-07:00

A cry that has been in my heart for the last 8 1/2 years is for a faith as simple and complete as a child's. I'm also discovering that a faith like that happens through circumstances that streeettcchhh you and test your character. But how beautiful it is to walk in that faith. I've also wondered how we can cultivate a faith like that in this culture. We really don't know what it's like to not have enough to eat, or to have to run for our lives, so i've asked myself and God how a faith like that happens in my life. The answer i consistently get back is to be faithful to trust God in every area of my life now, right where i'm at. As i hand my daily life back to Him, trusting Him in the smallest of things, I am preparing myself for that day when i may very well be running for my life. As i learn to die to myself now, serving my children and husband, He is cultivating that faith and teaching me to listen to that still small voice that is so easy to ignore. However, it comes at a price. A price that i have to choose again and again. One word, but on it hangs the very essence of Christianity.

Surrender. In the very smallest of details, in every area of my life. I can be as spiritual as i want, and do all the right things, but if i am holding back in any detail in my life, i will never experience that faith of a child. I have experienced it but any time i try and take back any control whatsoever, that peace leaves and i find myself stressing and worrying. I find myself correcting my man and arguing with him and you better believe that any peace whatsoever flies out the door.

In a practical way, one area that God laid His finger in my life recently is regarding future childbirth. I fought such terrible fear of it last time and it was every bit as bad as i was afraid it would be. Afterwards i found myself angry at God because i sensed He was asking me to trust Him. I know i have blogged somewhat about that recently but it was a BIG DEAL to me. I simply never wanted to walk through it again and i was sure hoping God would work it out so i wouldn't have to. So i threw a couple of temper tantrums, muttering to myself through my day that it simply can't be God's heart for me to experience that kind of pain, and i casually threw hints in Marlin's direction about maybe doing things different next time. He didn't buy it and neither did God. God started dealing with other issues in my life and as i surrendered in them, He then brought it back around. Ouch. If i can trust Him with my eternity, isn't He to be trusted through the pain of childbirth? Could it be that i'm still fighting it and hence the intense fear? Finally, finally i laid the whole matter at His feet and surrendered to walking through childbirth and labor the way HE wants me to and guess what? The fear and dread left and yes, it's easy to be free of fear when i'm not pregnant, but my heart has changed. I know it's a battle that i will have to fight again but every time i surrender i grow up just a bit more. I also decided to be proactive and get my body into shape as best as possible (and that means watching my intake of dessert at fellowship meal....i may need some accountability on that one.) but keeping in mind all the time that surrender is the key. It's not about epidural versus not, for i believe a person can be totally surrendered and choose to not go drug free, but it comes back to why a person does what he does. I knew if i go running for drugs or birth control out of fear, i would never find that true freedom that God wants to bring to my life in this area. And that would affect every other area of my life. So who knows how or where our next baby will be born, but as i cultivate that sweet and simple faith, i know that it will carry me through the next how many childbirths i have ahead of me. And in turn, it will carry me through whatever lays in store for our future.

Fashion or Modesty? Or can it be both?

2010-06-07T18:30:00.000-07:00

You have no idea how many blog posts i have started about this subject but have always hit the delete button. It's a subject that Marlin and i have talked about, prayed about and struggled with. Is there something like modest fashion? Or is fashion from the pit of hell? A tool to destroy our churches and weaken our witness? You decide, i'm just going to share our testimony, our walk and our thoughts. We are very much a work in progress and more than anything, i want to glorify Christ, not me, myself and i. So here goes.

I'm going to start waaaay back, back when i was a little Eastern Mennonite girl, dressed in plain, homemade dresses. I remember that navy dress. A very special dress, for on my little belt that ran around my waist were 4 little dark blue buttons that turned my dress from plain to "fancy." At least in my 6 year old mind. I was quite fashionable and i pitied the little girls in the church we visited that certain Sunday evening. They were uncool, their dresses drab and boring but mine? I was to be envied. So you see? Even in the most conservative of churches there is fashion, just on a different level, and even in the youngest child, that flesh is working. I think every woman longs to be beautiful, at least at one point in our life. We want to be noticed, to be thought special and to make matters even more interesting, God created women to love beautiful things. It's our love of beauty that makes a home cozy and pretty and it's our love of beauty that makes us want to dress in a beautiful way. Is that wrong? Don't ask me, get on your knees and start asking God. But i digress. Back to the little mennonite wanna' be fashion model.

Fast forward to my teen years. I was obsessed about clothing, in spite of the fact that by then little blue buttons did nothing for my self esteem. And the day i married? Let's just say i could've cared less what any church said, i was finally free to wear what i wanted. Phooey on authority. I was determined to finally be cool. I loved the mall and being fashionable was a high calling in my opinion. Little did i know the power of fashion in a woman's life and to be honest, i wouldn't cared if i had known. Of course i believed in being modest, at least when you went to church. But even that varied on what church you went to, and Tommy Hilfiger quickly became a sort of god in my life. And then i met the real God and my fashion world got rocked in a serious way. So now the battle began. Where was the line? I remember standing in the church basement one evening before services shortly after salvation, and being troubled by a young girl's fashionable skirt that was sporting slits up both sides. But i brushed it off, due to the fact that her parents were heavily involved in the church and i was just a young christian. Who am i to challenge anyone? We then moved to a fellowship that was quite a bit more conservative and i found myself slowly changing. I still believed you could be modest and fashionable, but God was working. The fashion god was slowly dying. And then we moved again, back to an area where there were many, many fashionable "conservative" christians and i was shocked at what was happening to the young people. And the hemlines. Yikes, i felt like handing blinders to my men and a housecoat to the women. I won't even talk about the thin tshirts they wore with the skirts. And when they're that thin? Even 10 of them wouldn't be enough, never mind 2! But the thing that bothered me more than anything was the little piece of lace on the top of their heads. Make up your mind people, choose you this day whom you shall serve. Was i becoming legalistic? Judgemental? I battled it and prayed and continually asked God to show me His heart. I wasn't interested in becoming pious or super-spiritual, but i was sickened at what i was seeing. I'd look at my little girl and be saddened at the thought of men checking out her body in a hip hugging denim skirt and fitted shirt. Modest? Maybe, if you're skinny enough. But is that true modesty? And then i'd watch a young mennonite girl in a "fashionable" cape dress, and i didn't feel much better, but i wasn't sure why. Remember what i said about fashion even among conservative mennonites?

So then we moved again. Yup, i'm REAL good at packing but i've never regretted a single move. God is good and banana boxes are a blessing. And through the move I found myself probing deeper into my heart. "God? What is YOUR heart? Am i focusing on something you don't even care about? Is fashion a non issue?" Why, when i'd see people that were totally not fashionable 5 years ago but now are way cool, why did i feel bothered? Why did there seem to be a sweet innocence missing? Does God want me to dress drab, colorless? What about bright bold colors? Which, by the way, i LOVE. I love red. And orange. Lime? LOVE IT! Bright pink? O yeah! But why was there a check in my spirit when i'd put something like that on? It's like putting on a blinking sign. LOOK AT ME!!! LOOK AT ME!!!! I'm beautiful, worth noticing. And in talking to Marlin, i started to ask myself questions. Questions about where fashion comes from and who dictates it. God? The Holy Spirit? Um, let me think. Nope. Mini skirts and halter tops aren't exactly conducive to the "meek and mild" spirit God finds so precious. I think we'd all agree that fashion like that is from the pit soooo..........maybe if you only wear what's fashionable in the church you'll be ok? As long as it's considered modest? Maybe it's the Holy Spirit behind the fitted dresses (cape or not), the high heeled sandals, the cute shirts that tie right under the breasts? So ok, we won't wear things like that, we'll leave that to the renegades but that still doesn't answer the question. Can you be modest and fashionable? If we keep our skirts longer and our shirts looser, we can still be fashionable, right? To be admired for being both modest AND fashionable. But wait, if fashion stems from satan, does that mean it might affect the church? Could satan be having an open door into our very homes through the wives and children? If i dress my daughter in a modest but fashionable outfit, could i actually be buying into a lie that it doesn't matter, as long as she's decently clothed? Can true modesty and fashion walk hand in hand? Or, my friends, is there a spirit that comes along with fashion, a spirit that we would run from if we saw it for what it is? A spirit so deceptive and so smooth, that it is blinding our very eyes, rendering us powerless in our churches. We become desensitized and it becomes normal until one day we wake up and our grandchildren don't even bother with the modest part. So how about you answer the question. For yourself, for your family, and for your future generations.

I'm still alive.....

2010-06-02T18:49:00.000-07:00

Just in case anyone cares and wonders where i got to. As i told the women at church, it's been a whirlwind of cows and milk. Yummy milk and pretty cows, but that doesn't help that whirlwind feeling. We started milking at the farm last Friday and made hay this past weekend. I've been over on a regular basis, both to take food and to start organizing my parents place for the upcoming auction. They're downsizing big time, so it's been interesting to clean out dresser drawers that haven't been touched in a long time. I'm finding things that mom put away when her mind was better and finding pictures of a different time. It promises to be a busy next month or two (who am i kidding, next decade!) but it's worth it when i see the manly way Eric handles the skid loader and the way he sticks to his daddy's side on the farm. Zac and Josh are too young to help as much, but they're loving having hay bales to climb and cows to herd. Boys and farms just seem to go together. It's a dream coming true for us, to work as a family and to be a team. It's certainly not all peaches and cream, (although we've definitely got the cream, ;)pun intended,) and there's been a number of apologies that had to be made. Anyone who knows us well won't doubt that, but we're a work in progress and we want this to be God's farm and God's plans. That brings such a peace to my heart when i feel the pressure mounting. I surrendered my heart to Him 8+ years ago and that surrender has only deepened, at least i WANT it to deepen. There's no other way to live and to walk with confidence and joy in today's scary world. Especially if it involves dairy cows and farms in this economy...........hey, if all else fails we can always drink milk. Haha, i'm funny, aye?

Onto other things. I took Eric and Emily for their evaluations today and walked away feeling encouraged and relieved that i can now focus on packing and getting ready to move. The evaluator did give me many things to think about, mainly that i'm still too focused on workbooks for school. Huh? Eric's eyes gleamed and he commented how he really liked her. Yeah, no kidding. Definitely food for thought and prayer. As with anything else in this life, i need to take it before the Lord and my man, and trust their guidance. Marlin tends to think outside the box in this area, so i can get a little nervous.........i like boxes. They make me feel calm, neat, and in control. Oops, maybe it's the control part that God is working on.

Speaking of control, i will have none tomorrow if i don't find my bed. God bless each one of you!

Peace.........

2010-05-26T03:22:00.000-07:00

Ever get the feeling that you are on a merry go round and life is spinning you faster and faster? That's the feeling i have lately, with several deadlines looming. But my heart is steady and filled with peace, at least until the twins get up at which the peace has a way of evaporating. I opened my Bible this morning and my eyes fell on this verse. "Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears our burdens." Psalm 68:19 Awesome, aye? I don't know about you, but my God is incredible. He has shown me in so many ways lately how much He cares, in the smallest of ways. How can i do anything less than trust Him?

So take heart my friend, no matter how you feel, He cares, and He's worth trusting in and He's worth praising.

Jacob..........

2010-05-18T12:21:00.001-07:00

Jacob. Cheerful, full of love and good humor, round fat little cheeks, toothy grin, (almost 4 teeth) and a blessing that i can't begin to express. We all simply adore him. The children dote on him, daddy goes for him first thing when he walks in the door, mommy kisses and feeds him constantly, the world smiles on him. I told Marlin every child should be the youngest in a large family.........

When i found out i was carrying yet another small Weaver in my womb, i wasn't happy. In fact, i was mad. After all, i had just delivered a set of boys 13 months earlier and if anyone deserved a break i did. I did actually surrender, kind of, but expected God to give me an easy labor for having baby #7. Worst delivery i ever had and i made sure both God and Marlin heard loud and clear that i wasn't going to put myself through that torture again. I didn't count, however, on a mother's love for her baby and i definitely didn't count on Jacob. It wasn't long before i found myself crazy over the latest addition.........but what to do about this prolific womb of mine? I mean, i do live under grace and the Bible doesn't actually come out and say you have to have a gazillion kids and even the majority of the "church" would say it's the right thing to do to "protect yourself." I had a real battle waging in my heart and to make matters worse, Marlin wouldn't say much when i asked him to please figure out what God wants for us so i can plan. After weeks of praying i realized that i needed to truly surrender my heart once again, and trust God to lead us. I also kept stuffing the longing for another baby far, far away. One morning i told Marlin that the more children we have, the more i love children. I was shocked when he heartily agreed. And i've finally realized something. After the twins i was convinced that i was in the right place to give myself a much needed break. But God knew exactly what i needed and it wasn't a 4 year break. It was Jacob. God knew that the best way to turn my heart where it needed to be was through the most adorable baby ever. I find myself losing my fear that "it" might happen again and find myself rejoicing that God ignored my selfishness and gave the Weaver family exactly what we needed. What happens next? I have no clue and i have a total peace about that. God is faithful and that's all i need to know. Until then, i am going to soak up baby love, a love that is straight from the heart of God.

Of Potty Training and Purification

2010-05-17T06:53:00.000-07:00

The dreaded day has finally arrived. Twin potty training time, spurred on by the fact that i'm tired of spending money on pampers. Every penny spent on Luvs could be put towards the farm. Not only that, Caleb has been sitting on the toilet on his own requests and has learned how to release at will. Jonathan still hadn't learned that as of this morning but it only took one accident and he learned. He stood with a puzzled look on his face as he felt his underwear get wet. We ran for the potty and he finished. Victory dance all around. I've decided to forgo the whole little potty thing and we're going straight to the big one. I haven't given them any treats yet, since i would love to train them without the candy bribes, but i'm willing to start if it makes a difference.
I hate potty training. It was one of the first things i thought of when i discovered we were having twins. "Lord? Could you make them self training? Like in one day?" I know He could, since He also answered my prayers for them to be thumb suckers. The only thumb suckers in the family. But i have a feeling He may also see fit to work on my character.............
So i'm taking suggestions and lots of prayer. And i was serious when i said every penny i save goes toward the farm. I learned something those hard years of paying off consumer debt. I felt like there was nothing important i could do to help us get out of debt as a stay at home mom. After all, what difference would it make if i save $2 at the grocery store. But as i prayed about it and concocted huge plans to make money from home, I felt God impressing on my heart to obey and save on the smallest thing, and He would multiply it. And He did, far beyond what we dreamt. It wasn't easy, but i would often pray before i went shopping, even grocery shopping or yard saling, praying that He would help me spend wisely. Even 50 cents at a yard sale was too much if it meant 50 cents toward paying our debt. Don't get me wrong, we still had lots of fun and lots of food (who am i kidding, i'm married to a foodie), and i did go yard saleing, but it was a heart thing. God wasn't looking for me to be perfect, He was simply asking me to be willing to sacrifice. And i was amazed over and over again at how He would bless me with the smallest desires of my heart. We have been in a time of financial blessings the last while. A person can get used to a steady paycheck real fast and after a while, you learn to depend on that security. But God is asking us once again to step out in faith, and learn to live even more frugally. I won't pretend that i'm full of glorious faith and looking forward to sacrificing, but i know without a doubt it will be worth every penny. Our heart's desire is to teach the children the joy of working hard for what they get and to be willing to go without. Not just for their own pocketbooks, but for the glory of God. After all, how can we expect our children to be willing to suffer for their faith and to be willing to go to the farthest ends of the earth for Jesus Christ if they're surrounded by wealth and comfort from little on up? As a church, and i'm preaching to myself here, we have sucked up the worlds mindset far more than we have a clue when it comes to things and stuff. I can't help but wonder how and when God Himself will start the purification of the American church......
How i went from potty training to purification is beyond even me, except that potty training children in my life is a huge tool for purification. :)

2010-05-11T06:36:00.001-07:00

Like little birds, they stand there, mouths open and waiting anxiously for the next yummy morsel. They don't know that they're supposed to be grossed out and gagging. They like it plain or smothered in applesauce, whichever way is fastest. The twins have a favorite new snack, and it's called raw, frozen liver. You knew that was coming, didn't you. :) While i was giving myself and Josh our morning liver dose, i started thinking about our worlds twisted food mindset. Here, give your child a soda, laced with high fructose corn syrup and colorings, proven to cause diabetes and obesity, but GOD FORBID that you hand him or her a glass of raw milk. The raw milk fight is quite amazing to watch, the ludicrous fact that the government wants to outlaw raw milk, that has been proven to have many health benefits, to protect "the young, the pregnant, and the old" but you can buy beer by the case, and cigarettes to numb your senses, never mind that the young, the pregnant and the old have to take in second hand smoke and deal with a drunkard beating their children. Sigh, lets just say that i'm so very glad this world is not my home and i'm so very glad that this government is not my security. And for the record, we do allow our children the rare soda, probably because mama here still craves herself a coca cola once in a while. I'm not condemning you if you allow your children soda, however, i would encourage you to do some serious research on the effects of that yummy, fizzy, addictive drink, along with everything else the government tell us to do, but be careful. If you start researching too much and questioning the "system" too deeply, you may find yourself shocked and saddened at what's happening to our "good old USA." May God have mercy on us.

Someone loves me

2010-05-06T18:36:00.000-07:00

Buy healthy Black Cherry yogurt. Good idea. Sit down in front of computer with open container of said yogurt and spoon. Bad idea. Ah well, it could've been ice cream.

God is so good. Not only is He good, but He also notices the small things in life. The small things that mean so much to us silly humans and yet? He cares. I had one of those mornings where my allergies and emotions flared up. I finally sat down on the garage steps, covered my face with my hands, and cried. I sobbed my heart out to God and apologized for not being more spiritual and then realized how silly that was. God doesn't give a hoot about me being spiritual, He cares about me being real, about me pouring my heart out to my heavenly Father, and about me listening. To Him. As any woman knows, after you have a good and much needed cry, you feel better. I felt much better and had a great day. And then those little blessings started flowing in. Small blessings but huge signs that God, in all His great and unfathomable ways, reached down and covered me with His love. In spite of my itchy eyes and snotty nasal passages, i had energy and got much work done. But when i really sat up and took notice was when Marlin came home. He had gone to the health food store where we buy our milk, and when he got home i started putting things away. I held up a bottle of organic shampoo, exactly what i was needing but hadn't said anything because i didn't want to spend the money, and puzzled, i asked him if i had told him to get it. Nope, it was cheap because the lid had broken, although the bottle was full. Hmmm, interesting. I then pulled out yogurt and again, i wondered, and he said he just wanted to bring some home. Exactly what i needed. Tucked at the bottom of the box were a couple cans of organic tomatoes. Marlin? Did you buy these for any reason? Nope, they were on sale. Wow, again, exactly what i needed. And of course i can't forget the 13 bags of dried beans my man brought home. I had asked for 3, and he blesses me with 13. I get excited over things like that. When i put them away i felt virtuous. Now we can eat for an extra month if the economy collapses. Oh, and don't forget those licorice candies that i have a weakness for. They were in the box too. All those little things i knew were little love letters from my daddy in heaven. He saw that i needed a little extra love today, and He cared. And then i got to go on a long walk, just me, Jacob and God. And it was good. Very, very good. My God loves me, and all is right with my world.

No Bake Chocolate Coconut Energy bars and Homemade Lotion

2010-05-04T05:04:00.000-07:00

Servings: 16
Preparation Time: 25 minutes

* 1 cup raw sunflower seeds
* 1 cup raw pecans
* 4 tablespoons Coconut Oil
* 1/2 cup coconut flour
* 4 tablespoons honey or enough to sweeten
* 3/4 cup raisins
* 1/2 cup raw sunflower seeds
* 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
* Dried, shredded coconut

Chocolate Sauce Ingredients:

* 4 tablespoons coconut oil
* 8 tablespoons cocoa powder
* 2-3 tablespoons honey

Grind up 1 cup of sunflower seeds and the cup of pecans in food processor or coffee grinder and pour into bowl. Add coconut oil, coconut flour, honey, raisins, vanilla flavoring, 1/2 cup sunflower seeds and mix all together. Pour into square casserole dish and press mixture down firmly.

Sauce:

In small saucepan, melt 4 tablespoons coconut oil and mix in cocoa and honey until thickened. Pour chocolate sauce on top and sprinkle with shredded coconut. Refrigerate for about 25-35 minutes. Cut up into squares and enjoy!

These are really good. I did add several T melted butter and some sea salt to the recipe, since i thought it was a bit dry. I also think a thin layer of raspberry jam between the chocolate and bar would be delish. My family loved them, with the exception of Emily, since she hates raisins in recipes. I decided it's time for me to stop dancing around whining children and their hatred of raisins in anything yummy. See? I'm one tough mama. I have allowed them to pick the raisins out in the past, but that's stopping. Today!! Especially since it will come to a screeching halt anyway if big daddy sees them picking anything out of anything.

And now a question. I want to make homemade lotion. I'm tired of paying insane prices for high quality lotion and i feel it's important to use high quality. Simply for the fact that it sits on your skin and gets completely absorbed into your system. I'm not near as strict with soap since you wash it off, but it bugs me everytime i put garbage lotion on my skin. However, depending on my budget for the moment, i can't bring myself to pay the price for the good stuff, so i buy the cheap stuff and hate every smear of it. So i need recipes. I would like to use coconut oil, olive oil, sweet almond oil and anything else that is good for the skin. Anyone that gives me a winning recipe can come out and hang out with me for a day. Seriously, it wouldn't be that bad. You might even have fun. And if nothing else, my family will give you something to talk about. :)

Another homeschooling post

2010-05-02T18:27:00.000-07:00

It happens every year around this time. The school year is winding down and while i'm ready for the break, i find myself getting all excited about next year. I find myself researching late into the night, and i lay awake, rolling books and ideas around my head. I'm passionate about teaching my children, in spite of those days when i wonder if i'm crazy to even think i can teach my children anything. This year went well, in spite of a new baby and screaming toddlers. And i learned new disciplines for my own life. Disciplines such as getting up early and spending time with God. Drinking hot tea with Eric and Emily while we discussed spelling rules and watched the early morning sun peek through the blinds. It wasn't a perfect year. I messed up, closed the books some days and walked away fighting tears and frustration. I spent time worrying that i wasn't doing enough. I wondered what God's heart really was for our little home school. What God's best really looked like fleshed out in daily life. Was i making life altering mistakes? Mistakes that would haunt my children........and i discovered that making that time to meet with God early every morning made those fears melt away. We're homeschooling for character and relationships, not perfect scoring children who can quote the times tables backwards but fail to learn the real meaning of respecting authority.

And this weekend is the homeschool fair. I think we're going.......with all 7 children. This could be interesting. I love Marlin and how he loves taking our children with us. To him they aren't a bother but a complete joy. A joy that sometimes makes him want to drive the van over a cliff, but a joy none the less. So if you see a man with a mile long line of children following, and a woman who is trying to look calm and collected in spite of the fact that she's carrying not only a baby but sippy cups and books and whatever else she can't load on the stroller, that would be us. Wave and smile and yes, we take donations. :) On second thought, i may just stay home.

Cookies anyone?

2010-04-27T04:16:00.000-07:00

To comfort my readers for their disappointment with my "secret" here is a recipe that will make your day shine brighter. Unless you're hoping to lose weight.

Peanutbutter chocolate chip cookies - the gluten free kind

1 cup sugar (i used sucanat)
1 cup peanutbutter
1 large egg
1 t. baking soda
1/2 t vanilla
1 cup chocolate chips
Mix, bake and eat. (I forgot to write the rest of the recipe, but you can figure it out. Bake at 350 til barely done, blah, blah)

Seriously people, why you would ever need to use white flour to make chocolate chip cookies again is beyond me. These are killer good. When Marlin's eyes rolled to the back of his head i knew it was one of 2 things. He either just had a heart attack or these cookies were blog worthy. Turns out they were blog worthy. I took them to Ohio to some not gluten free people and lets just say they were practically licking the container. So there you have it. Some comfort food for you since you have discovered that i'm actually not pregnant. Why does EVERYONE assume any secrets i have would automatically include my womb?

The Secret

2010-04-26T12:11:00.000-07:00

It's been a quiet Monday, and that's a blessing. A big one in my book, esp. considering the fact that we made a flying trip to Ohio and made it back in time for a busy Sunday. We spent last evening with my family (every 4th Sunday my family gets together) and to be honest, i really didn't want to go. I wanted to stay home, eat some pizza and wings, and watch one of the new food movies that Marlin bought. However, we had a good evening and i know it meant the world to my mother. She was very "with it" last evening, which was a pleasant surprise, but i know by now to take it at face value and not read anything into it. As in, "i think she's getting better," since i also happen to know that she had a bad morning, memory wise. Speaking up publicly in church does not bode well for her future......

Remember that "secret" i mentioned several posts ago? Well, little did i know the interest that would spark. Is Darla pregnant? Maybe with triplets this time? Did she finally go off the deep end and grill her parent's annoying, nasty, yapping rat terrier for supper? (i wish someone would) Nope, nothing that interesting. To be honest, i'm a little embarrassed that my "secret" isn't bigger and more interesting. I'm thinking about waiting til i have something interesting to post about, and making it the new secret. If i wait long enough, i'm sure i could come up with something earth shattering, but i guess i should go ahead and tell. It is food related. Kind of gross, and yet not gross enough to be really, really gross. I've convinced another friend to try it before me. It's dark red and brown colored, and gooshy. You eat it raw.........and it's really good for you. Native Americans would eat it straight from the animal they killed. Warm and throbbing and full of B vitamins and enzymes. Nope, it's not the heart. Some cultures wouldn't even touch it with their fingers, as it was considered a sacred part of the animal, but would use the tip of their spears. It's...................(drum roll)

raw liver. That's all. That's my secret. And i've eaten it raw. With applesauce. I didn't even puke, which made it much less interesting for the children. I eat it frozen, chopped up into very small pieces, and smothered in applesauce and quickly swallowed. No taste, just an icy feeling as it slides down your esophagus. Will we keep eating it? I don't know, but i would rather eat it raw than cooked. Now THAT is nasty. Raw liver is a super food, simply loaded with vitamins, especially the B vitamins. I figure it's cheaper than a high quality vitamin, but whatever you do, DO NOT EAT RAW LIVER FROM CONVENTIONAL CHICKEN. Nasty, nasty, nasty.

So there you have it. Wanna' be healthy and save some money? Skip the vitamin pills and eat liver. Raw. And i do have one other little secret.........

i just ate a whole box of chocolates by myself. Not at one time, but one at a time. Or 2 at a time. I did share some with Marlin and i offered Emily part of one, but that was it. I don't even feel guilty, i feel full. Marlin gave me an early Mother's Day gift. Rich and dark and the best part? Handmade, sweetened with raw honey and loaded with butter and coconut oil. Phenomenal!!!!!! Just a small box, the right size to hide in the back of the fridge and in the desk drawer. If you hide it in the desk drawer, just make sure to return it to it's hiding place before a child finds it.
"Mom, what's this?"
"Ummm, a box?"
"Did daddy get this for you?"
"Yup."
Sigh, " i can't wait until i'm married."

6 weeks of grain free

2010-04-22T18:31:00.000-07:00

This weekend will mark 6 weeks of (mostly) grain free eating. The "mostly" part was for me, not Marlin. I don't think he has had even one grain of, well, grain. :) So what's our conclusion? I'm not sure. I lost no weight until i got the flu, at which point i promptly lost 10 lbs within 48 hrs. Of course half of that came back when i started eating and my system filled up. So i was a little disappointed since i was hoping to have the rest of my baby weight melt off of me, but now it looks like i will actually have to work to lose the rest. I did have a small piece of soaked spelt bread, toasted with butter, when i was sick. Within minutes i had a slamming headache. Was it the spelt or the flu? I won't know until i try again. Neither did i ever have a time in the last 6 weeks when i felt fantastic. The only thing that makes me think i do have a few grain issues is the terrible way i felt the first 2 weeks. Major die-off doesn't happen unless you've got an issue. It's probably no coincidence that i have family members with gut issues. Maybe i'll just go find a big pile of sand and dig my head into it. Always helps to ignore things.

Marlin? He has noticed no difference. Zero. Nada. His energy level is down again but the one good news is that his blood pressure is too. Why? Don't know for sure. I have my theories but that doesn't mean a lot since i'm always having theories.

Will we stay off grains? I do think grains are good and healthy if prepared properly, but where we go from here i'm not sure. A good friend of mine and one i trust with health issues, told me we may not see a difference until we start eating grains again. I know we should probably go really strict GAPS diet, but right now i'm not ready for that. I want to get the GAPS book and do some reading. I want to know why i'm doing what i'm doing and to find out, i need to read. And pray. Unless it's something that God is leading us to do, it won't work anyway, and in the end, that's all that matters. We will never eat "perfectly" and i want to remember that. I want a healthy balance but more than anything, i want Jesus Christ to reign supreme over my life. In light of eternity, it's not really going to matter if i ate grains or not. So with that cheerful thought, i am going to bid "adieu."

Coconut Flour Crepes

2010-04-21T15:39:00.000-07:00

This is one recipe that we love, using our faithful coconut flour. It's very versatile, able to be made into a dessert with whipped cream and fresh fruit, or stuffed with ham, eggs, and cheese. We've done both and both are wonderful.

Coconut flour crepes

2 eggs
2 T butter, melted
stevia (10 drops)
1/4 tsp. vanilla
1/8 tsp. salt
2 T coconut flour (sifted)
small pinch nutmeg and cinnamon
1/3 cup milk

Whisk eggs, butter, stevia, vanilla, and salt together. Mix coconut flour and spices together. Add milk and incorporate wet mixture. Or you can do it the easy way and throw everything in your blender. That's what i do and it works fabulously without all the sifting and incorporating bondage. It will make a thin batter but have no fear, that's how crepes are. Get a non-stick pan hot with some kind of oil, i usually use coconut oil or ghee, since butter burns. Carefully pour some batter and flip after several minutes. You'll flop the first several but that makes great tasting for the twins hanging over the edge of the counter, but never for the mother of course. She has the maturity to wait until supper, depending on what you actually call "supper."

If you are making these for ham and eggs or some other kind of cream sauce, you'll want to omit the stevia and spices. Unless you're weird and like eating cinnamon with your eggs. We drink hot chocolate with cayenne in it, does that make us weird? I think we were weird long before we did that......

These crepes are also awesome with peanutbutter, bananas and honey. With a glass of raw milk of course. The raw milk helps to fill up the corners of the boys stomachs. I'm telling you, these boys of ours can eat!! I sat in amazement tonight as Eric ate close to 6 coconut flour muffins tonight for supper. They were smeared with great gobs of peanutbutter (of course!), sticky with honey and drenched in milk. All the way to the top of the bowl. Each bowl, full to the top. The last several he had with hot chocolate poured over. Marlin wasn't home for supper. What? We're weird and i'm not ashamed to say i made them muffins for supper. No meat, no veggies, just muffins. Marlin will be proud of me.....i think.......maybe i should quick go make them eat some raw carrots or liver. Look at it this way. I could've fed them hotdogs, full of nitrites and who knows what, (i love hotdogs, yum, they're almost like candy to me) placed in a white flour roll, squirted with high fructose ketchup, giving him little to no nutrition. But instead i chose to give him healthy muffins, made with organic coconut flour, lots of pastured eggs and sweetened with raw honey. I would've fed them hotdogs but i don't have any. Eric said tonight he's going to eat until he's full because he's tired of everyone making him go play before he's full. Tortured life he leads, aye? And he's skinny as a rail. Life's not fair.

Yeah, i think we don't have a choice but to move to a farm so we can afford to feed this gang.

To kill or not to kill, that is the question........

2010-04-20T04:39:00.000-07:00

I open my freezer for a pack of blueberries to make my morning smoothie, and instead of blueberries i'm staring into the frozen eyes of a monarch butterfly, neatly packaged in a ziplock freezer bag. There are several more frozen specimens in my freezer, the freezer that i'm expected to EAT out of. However, frozen butterflies are better than the ones i find in jars, still fluttering after 2 days, refusing to succumb to a slow suffocation. Those are the ones i take to the back porch and give them their freedom, feeling like an Adolf Hitler of butterflies, my counter lined with half dead and dying specimens. So tell me people, how can i humanely kill these beautiful creatures that my oldest son is so obsessed with? I made him let a few go free, not able to stand seeing them die, but i realize i can't expect him to do that on a regular basis. I know well adjusted and emotionally healthy people who have butterfly collections, so i'm asking for your help. I went online and i'm just not interested in shooting our butterflies in the thorax with a chemical to kill them immediately. And if i miss the butterfly and inject myself? Totally possible and i'm not taking the chance. For now i've forbidden Eric any more long slow jar deaths, but i'm going to need some ideas. Soon.

The Flu

2010-04-19T06:57:00.000-07:00

I haven't died, although with the flu bug that hit me this weekend i considered it a possibility. I haven't been so sick since i don't know when. Let's just say i made good friends with a certain object in the house, known as the toilet. Wow, it's a good thing the flu is a healthy thing to have since it detoxes you and rejuvenates the body. I am most certainly cleaned out.
My little daughter rose to the occasion and took over household duties, including mopping the floor and doing the laundry completely by herself, while i moaned on the couch(and other places). She did most of it without me even asking and did a wonderful job. I'm telling you, some man some day will be very fortunate to win her hand, if he can get past her big daddy first. She served so cheerfully and willingly, that she completely challenged me and left me humbled. I have much too learn from my children. The boys did great too, although boys aren't created to clean counters and scrub laundry (although they are expected and required to do their share in our house), so they naturally won't see the work quite like a female.
I'm glad it's a brand new week and i sure hope the rejuvenation part kicks in soon. :)

14 years and counting........

2010-04-13T06:34:00.000-07:00

14 years ago i was preparing to walk up the aisle with my groom. My nerves were in jitters and the whole day was a blur. If i would've had any clue that in 14 years we would:

have 7 children
have moved 7 times
almost lose our marriage
get born again
have our marriage restored
learn to surrender...and surrender....and surrender
make so many, many friends
become farmers (almost farmers)
change countless poopy diapers...........

I would've married him anyway. The list could go on and on, but it's a good thing we can't see the future. I know without a shadow of a doubt that we'll face many more wonderful things in the future. I also know that we'll walk through valleys, but i'm not afraid. God is with us, in us, all around us.......

Playing store

2010-04-10T15:04:00.000-07:00

I have a strange affinity for self check-out lines at my local Weis Markets. What can i say? It's that little kid in me that used to play store and now i can play for real. Unfortunately, i'm barely fit to go grocery shopping alone, much less check my own groceries out. Let me explain. I went through the self check out no less than 3 times today. That's right, 3 times!!!! And all within 5 minutes. I checked the first load out, which the computer kept insisting that i wasn't supposed to check out potting soil without help. I kept insisting i could. The computer won. I waved one of the bored young "helpers" over and said i need help. His expression didn't argue with me at all. Just as i was finishing up, my phone rings and big daddy Weav' needs charcoal. So i park the baby and the 2 older children for protection at the front of the store, and run for charcoal. Second time through. Finally i was ready to head out when i realized i was trying to steal lighter fluid. It had been hiding behind the baby carseat, so i turn around and go through again. That is the third time i have either stolen, or almost stolen things from Weis. Have no fear, i always make sure i pay up, but i'm getting weary of being an accidental thief. O well, it's just another shopping trip with myself.

Radicals and Fools

2010-04-09T07:02:00.000-07:00

Fear. Lurking around the corners, mocking your prayers, ruining your peace. That's how fear works and i believe it's one of Satan's most used tools. I've dealt with a lot of fear since salvation but have also found freedom, but lately it has come in waves, washing away my confidence. It caught me off guard, which is often how it strikes, when you're least expecting it. Fear of death. You know, when the Esh family of 10 was killed, the children and i were looking at some pictures of them and their family, along with the song of heaven they had sang, and i told the children that i'm excited for them. What a beautiful place they're in. And i meant it from the bottom of my heart. And then someone sent a picture of the caskets all lined up, and without warning i was completely blindsided by fear. Seeing my children lying there, myself, my family, and that night i had nightmare after nightmare. I woke up, worrying that one of the twins will drown in the pond at the farm, worrying that i will die and leave my children motherless, worrying that Marlin would be taken, afraid to drive into town for fear something will happen, afraid to even look out the window at night. FEAR!!!! And how interesting that the fear would come at the same time that i sense God asking for radical surrender and trust once again in my life. The kind of radical surrender that trusts like a child. The kind that rocks my world and comfort zone. I think of all the Christians gone before, who lived that kind of radical surrender and died for it. Who lived it, in spite of what the world and the church thought. People will call you a fool for having that kind of trust.......they will say you need to use common sense........

I serve a radical God, and i choose to trust with a radical faith.

Greek Yogurt

2010-04-06T18:09:00.000-07:00

I need to confess to someone and i can't to Marlin since he's already sleeping and waking him is simply not an option. Seriously, not an option. I just ate one of Marlin's prized yogurts that he bought tonight for work. It's not just any yogurt, it's GREEK yogurt. Oh my, oh my, where have i been for 30+ years? And it had real pomegranate seeds in it too. It's good we have a strong marriage...i know he'll forgive me. I did make sure i didn't take the only pomegranate one, but who can resist pomegranate yogurt in cute little cups? Thick, creamy and full of flavor, i am definitely going to make my own. The only thing that really annoyed me with this yogurt was that it is low fat. So i intend to make full fat Greek yogurt. All you do is make regular yogurt and strain it. And then i will buy some fresh fruit and treat myself. Of course i will treat the children too. They can eat the whey off of the strained yogurt. Did i just blog that out loud? Awww, they're so cute they deserve some yogurt too. We'll have a cozy family party with Greek yogurt.......and i'll take pictures and put it in the children's school portfolio's and call it, um let me see.........culture.......ummmmmm.........Greek culture studies. Or maybe it should be Greek food studies. Or maybe we should just eat yogurt and forget the school part.

Grain Free Granola

2010-04-05T10:35:00.000-07:00

1 cup pumpkin seeds
1 cup sunflower seeds
1 cup coconut flakes
1/2-1 cup nuts
1/2 cup honey, warmed
pinch of salt
2 t. cinnamon
1/2 T vanilla
1 cup dried fruit
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease a large baking sheet. Mix all ingredients EXCEPT dried fruit. Bake 30 minutes, stirring every so often and watching to make sure it doesn't burn. Remove from oven and add dried fruit. Hide in closet and eat frantically, hoping the children won't find you. I'm telling you, this granola is GOOD!!!

Unfortunately, this stuff is expensive to make, so i limit the children's intake. Which isn't hard seeing they HATE raisins in food. :) That could be a problem for me, since this stuff can make you fat. Uh-oh, maybe there's a reason i'm the only one in this marriage not losing weight.........

Granola? Anyone?

Week 4

2010-04-05T06:53:00.000-07:00

We are entering our fourth week grain free. Marlin has stuck faithfully to the diet, along with Josh, and i have noticed a big difference in both of them. Josh in more subtle ways, like no nightmares and no joint pain. Marlin? Well, let's just say that i'm seeing a spring to his step that's been missing for longer than i want to remember. Before we started this, he literally could hardly function. He'd fall into bed at night, exhausted beyond measure, and wake up as exhausted as when he went to bed. And now? He comes home and has this little wicked gleam in his eyes! And i LOVE it!!! However, i don't believe it's just the grain free diet that's causing him to feel human again. It's something else, something that i'm not going to share yet. It's our secret and i don't think most of you are ready to handle this secret yet. So you'll have to wait until i feel you're ready. ;)
So, we're looking at keeping wheat out of our diets, at least at home, indefinitely. We'll probably add brown rice, oats, buckwheat and rye back in, but not yet. Unfortunately, i have to admit that i slipped yesterday at fellowship meal and i've been paying the price. I just had to have some of those yummy tortilla's and little bite sized cherry desserts at church, and ever since i've been sluggish and bloated. Yuck! I guess i deserve it, aye?

2010-03-29T11:42:00.000-07:00

These children the Lord has given me...........

4 of them are sleeping, but that leaves 3 of them on the loose. I have a son, who would rather dissect a marker, dribbling orange chemicals all over his hands, than work on his journaling. Emily meanwhile, is twirling around the kitchen, broom in hand, amusing herself by asking her grandmother (my mother) all kinds of questions. "Grandma, do you like to eat concrete?" Now remember, my mother has dementia and for some reason, Emily delights in asking her questions. Thankfully, my mother hasn't lost her sense of humor and Emily isn't being cruel, just silly. "Grandma, do you like to eat things from outside?" Grandma assures her that she likes all kinds of food. "Grandma, do you like to eat stones?" Grandma gets a grin on her face and says slowly, "well, no, i don't like to eat THOSE kinds of things." Emily giggles and i raise my eyebrows at her. Zac is hunkered down over a corner, grating a lemon for zest, and then decides to "cook." That translates into mess...........Grandma looks at me, smiles and says, "i love coming here."
And i must now go and enjoy a cup of coffee and a lemon poppy seed muffin with my mother. A grain free lemon poppy seed muffin. ;)

Second week of grain free

2010-03-24T09:41:00.000-07:00

Day 7/8 of the grain free diet. The past week was rough, no doubt about it. I felt achy and extremely irritable, like i was coming down with the flu. The thing that surprised me the most has been the lack of desire for grains. I thought i would be craving big slabs of warm bread or light cake, but it simply hasn't been an issue. I haven't been any hungrier than normal, in fact, i felt less hungry. I was able to pass up cake at fellowship meal Sunday and it wasn't hard. It certainly looked good and i would've certainly enjoyed eating it, but it simply wasn't a big deal. My cravings for sugar has gone way down, and that's awesome. And yesterday something shifted in my body. The terrible irritability left and i could feel my energy coming back. I love how I'm starting to feel and if it continues, i may just keep grains, or at least wheat, out of the house for a very long time. After all, with coconut and almond flour, i think we can do without wheat and be better for it. When i get the craving for something sweet and rich, i simply make smoothies, latte's, brownies, or any other number of goodies.

The biggest thing i've noticed with Josh is that he's been sleeping much better at night. He no longer wakes up sobbing but actually has been sleeping til 8 or past. And that's a blessing!

Sympathy? Anyone?

2010-03-22T13:26:00.001-07:00

I'm suffering on this grain free diet, people. Simply suffering. For breakfast Saturday? No toast, just coconut flour crepes, stuffed with raw whipped cream and cream cheese with a drizzle of honey, and topped with plump raspberries and blackberries. Served with a side of home cured bacon and eggs.

For supper tonight? (eaten early since i'm on the way to the midwife. Because............haha, almost had you. Not for me, but am going with a pregnant friend just so i can see my all time favorite midwife) As i was saying, for supper i had strips of grilled chicken breasts, nestled on a bed of greens, topped with slices of cherry tomatoes, creamy chunks of avocado, papery slices of carrots and followed with a homemade blue cheese salad dressing. I will finish with a smoothie made with orange juice, yogurt, kefir, ice, coconut oil and a dash of stevia.

It's a life of sacrifice but someone has to do it.

A New Chapter in our Lives

2010-03-18T16:32:00.000-07:00

It all started 10 plus years ago. I rocked gently in my rocking chair, gently patting my large belly, breathing through each contraction with pride. I was about to become a mother and i couldn't wait. Little did i know how my world was about to be rocked. Not once, but 7 times. 6 boys and 1 girl later, my world still teeters on the edge of insanity, but it's a good insanity. That day 10 years ago i not only became a mother, my husband became a father. One look into his son's eyes and he fell in love in a way he didn't know existed. And because of that love, he is leaving his job in corporate America to come home and work with his sons. It wasn't an easy decision, or one made lightly, after all, in today's economy it seems foolish to leave a secure job with a secure christian company. We've been praying for a very long time that God would allow things to happen in His timing, and in the last several months we've both sensed that it's time.

Lord willing we'll be moving onto my parents farm, something i vowed 14 years i'd never do. Farm? Over my dead body!!!! Live in my parents house? No thanks. Cows? Be still my fainting heart. After all, i didn't care for the smell of manure and i definitely never had a desire to touch a cow's teat. But i was young and foolish, and when God got a hold of my heart, he changed so many things and one area was on my big fat opinions. He's still working on that, some things take time..........

There are so many details still to be worked out, that it almost looks impossible. But God is a God of the impossible and i can't help but be excited to watch Him work.

Day 4

2010-03-18T05:04:00.000-07:00

Day 4 of the grain free experience. I also cut out rice and potatoes at home, basically going completely carb free. Unfortunately i'm experiencing some serious weakness, so i'm not sure i can go completely carb free while nursing, in spite of upping my fats. Anyone do this while nursing? I'm definitely sticking with the grain free thing at home for all of us, but i can tend to get fanatical when i do something like this. I want to be wise, not nuts.

The good news? Marlin's blood pressure is dropping!! He took it last night and it was the lowest it has been for a very long time. That was incredibly encouraging after a couple rough days. I also think i've lost my sense of humor. Takes too much energy to be funny right now........that's a weird feeling. I'm thinking i'll make myself some brown rice for lunch and see if i can crack a couple of jokes afterwards. See, not funny at all. Sigh......

Day 3

2010-03-17T04:27:00.000-07:00

Day 3 of being grain free. At least for Marlin and Josh. The rest of us only got serious yesterday. I'm so amazed at how Josh handles it. Very casually and totally accepting that he can't have any bread, pasta, etc. Of course none of us are eating it at home, but he still has a great attitude. Emily on the other hand, gets in a bad mood just at the thought. For some reason it stresses her out when we do something out of the ordinary. She's been that way since small, routine is everything to her.
I can't help but think that this grain free experience is so good for our children. A great way to teach them self discipline and self denial. And even greater is the mama learning it. I think as mothers we tend to excuse eating issues in ourselves, after all, we kind of think we deserve that extra cookie. Subconsciously, of course. I deny my flesh on a daily basis just based on the fact that i am giving 24/7 to a large brood of children, so GIMME' MY CHOCOLATE!!!!!! And breads, sugar, you name it.
So our diet so far this week? Lots of kefir smoothies, eggs and cheese, egg nog, soup, roasted chicken with daikons and carrots, steamed broccoli, salads, a few very ripe bananas, a few apples, and grain free crackers. Yup, you can actually make grain free crackers. I modified a recipe yesterday and was pleasantly surprised at how good it was. Sometimes you just want something that crunches like wheat and this fulfills that. We also talked about going dairy free, at least straight milk, but at this point we're keeping dairy in. I'm focusing on kefir and yogurt, but i'm not sure i'm ready to take the plunge and go without dairy, especially since i'm not convinced it's necessary for our family.
And for those of you who want to have your cake (or crackers) and eat it too, here's the recipe for the crackers.

GRAIN FREE CRACKERS

1 cup raw sunflower seeds
1 cup flax seeds
1/4 cup butter, melted (this was my addition, felt like it needed fat)
1 cup asiago/parmesan cheese, grated
1/2 cup water
Grind seeds until fine and add rest of ingredients. Place on a parchment lined pan and press out in a thin layer and score. Bake at 325 degrees for about 35 minutes. I baked mine a bit longer since they weren't as thin as they should've been and took longer to bake.

I'm looking forward to saturday morning breakfast. I will be trying almond flour pancakes, a special treat since almond flour is SO expensive. I know that having a little treat like that once in a while will go far in encouraging ourselves to stick with it.

Oh, and you know the part where i said it's good for mothers to deny themselves with food? Especially chocolate? If your husband brings you home a Rapunzel organic chocolate bar with hazelnuts, you need to eat it. Seriously. It will enhance your marriage.

By-by grains

2010-03-13T13:08:00.000-08:00

Due to some serious health issues in this family, we have decided to take the leap and go grain free. Completely. For how long i don't know, but for definite the next 6 weeks and at that point, we'll take stock and see where we go from there. Marlin, who is struggling the most, will also be rice, fruit, and potato free. Basically no carbs, just meats, bone broths, vegetables, both raw and fermented, dairy, again raw and fermented, and lots and lots of healthy fats. Josh has been having classic Lyme's signs for quite a while and has a meeting set up with a nutritionist who specializes in Lymes. After talking with her yesterday, Marlin and i both felt clear that it's what we need to do. She asked me if there's anyone else in our family with issues and when i told her that Emily deals with constant bellyache and yeast issues, she really encouraged us to ditch all grains. Sooo, since it's easier to all eat the same, we'll all be eating grain free. At least while at home. When we go away, i'll probably be more lenient with myself (don't want to suffer too bad) and the children, except for Josh.

I'm excited. Marlin and i have been talking about doing this for awhile, but you know how it goes. It feels good to talk, not so good to act on it. I still have some spelt bread to finish up and we won't be getting serious til after the weekend, due to company coming, but after that, it's buckle down and get real. Cooking gluten free doesn't scare me, since i bake 75% gluten free anyway, but it's the bread part that leaves me feeling a little open ended. What on earth will i feed the children for lunches? Plan ahead and make sure i cook enough suppers for leftovers the following day. I see a lot of eggs in our future.

Spring fever

2010-03-11T07:58:00.000-08:00

I have a problem. It's called spring fever. Ever try to teach your child to write a limerick when all you want to do is ditch the books and head outside? I never did either before this week and let me tell you, it's not easy for me or the child. Yesterday 2 of my friends and i met at the park for lunch and it was wonderful. The children played and the women talked and ate. And ate. At least i did. My friend Carol made the food and it was awesome! Chicken salad sandwiches and the BEST chocolate chip cookies. I ate so many i had bellyache the rest of the day. Seriously. I comforted myself by eating a popsicle that i had gotten for a special treat for the children. I then jumped on the rebounder in the vain hopes that 5 minutes of jumping would cancel out a whole day of eating.
So to give the children and myself a boost to get the last of the schoolwork done, i've planned a few special treats. If they get a certain amount of work done by April 1, we'll have an ice cream party with another homeschool family. Marlin will make the ice cream and each school age child will get to go to Weis and pick out a topping of their choice. To my kids, that's a big deal. They NEVER get to pick out ice cream toppings, cause we make our own, but this time i've promised them no health regulations. If they fail to make the deadline? We all suffer. Especially me. And then i marked on their schoolbooks a number of pages later, "BIG SURPRISE!" They don't know what the surprise is and won't find out until they reach that page. I'm not sure on the big surprise yet. Hershey Chocolate world? (yeah, baby!!!), a real kite? (as compared to the $2 cheap ones)............
So far it's working fabulously. They've been doing double, and for Eric that's a big deal. This child went from not knowing his multiplication tables a couple of weeks ago, to now multiplying doubles and carrying. I aim to have his 4th grade math book finished by early May. I hope.....
We have also found a wonderful way to do spelling. We use "All About Spelling" (love, love, love it!!!) and we used to do it around the kitchen table early morning. Cold table, cold feet, and a cold kitchen. We now cuddle on the couch under blankets, a child on either side, and work through the lesson together. They have a pillow under their book for support, and it's been working great. I don't have to freeze my delicate system (ahem) and they get to snuggle with mama, all the while learning how to spell. What more could you want from spelling?
I am so ready for spring and summer, and to be honest, i'm ready for a break from school. Iced tea, fresh vegetables, lots of walking, picnics..........bring it on!

Mint jelly and "baa, baa black sheep"

2010-03-08T07:17:00.000-08:00

Wish me luck. I'm off to try my hand at making homemade mint jelly. For what? For some roasted lamb that we're having for supper. Marlin smoked the lamb and then rubbed spices over it and i am given the honor of not ruining it in the baking process. It will probably be the only prayed over lamb meal in the area. I would really hate to ruin a delicacy and to be honest? Lamb makes me nervous, both in the preparing and in the eating. That mutton i ate as a teenager affected me for life. Never again do i want to think of male sheep while i'm sitting at the table eating flesh from said animal. So i guess i need prayer both for the jelly and the lamb. And myself.
I'll let you know the results.

THE RESULTS:
The mint jelly was weird, the lamb was great.

Mint Chocolate Iced Coffee

2010-03-04T12:57:00.000-08:00

I'm on a roll. Two posts in one day. But this is worth sharing. I think.
I've been having one of those days. Uninspired, blah, blah, blah. So as always when i feel this way, my mind goes to food, although not the cooking kind of food. If it was up to me we'd have hotdogs for supper. Nothing else, just hotdogs. But i want my family to like me, so we're having rice, black beans and sausage for supper. But that's not where my mind went to. It went to quiet, quaint coffee shops, big fat mugs with sweetened whipped cream floating on top. Wrought iron chairs with funky covers and lazy sunshine coming through the windows. And quiet. Lots and lots of peace and quiet. No crying, no work and definitely no dirty bathrooms. However, i live in a real world where i'm surrounded by all three and since there's no coffee shop handy, i decided to make my own coffee drink. I've blogged before about iced coffee but this takes it to a whole new level.

Mint Chocolate iced coffee with a huge swirl of whipped cream, sipped through a straw. It was good. Real good. Slurp through your straw good. I think i'm my own new iced coffee hero. I started out with freshly brewed espresso, poured it into the blender along with ice cubes, several tablespoons of cocoa, a shot of real cream, a big glug of milk, a couple drops of real peppermint oil and a dropperful of stevia. Whirred it on high, poured it into a glass and topped it off with freshly whipped cream, sweetened with stevia. Yup, this stuff was sugar free and with this stevia you would've never guessed. (i only buy the liquid NuNaturals stevia, somehow the powder doesn't taste as good.) We all glugged silently, swirling the whipped cream through our coffee, and when it was gone, the kids licked off their straws, licked off the beaters and licked out the blender. I headed for my blog, while a twin sat on my lap, writing on my arms with a pen. That's ok, i can handle tattooed arms. I have mint chocolate iced coffee.

Black beans and multiplication

2010-03-04T04:21:00.000-08:00

First of all, thanks to all of you who leave comments. Every time i consider shutting my blog down, someone either comments something encouraging or sends me a personal email. That, and the fact that Marlin says i'm supposed to keep on blogging for now.

A couple reviews. Remember that black bean chocolate cake that almost had this house lifting off it's foundations from the gas fumes? Weeellll, i tried it again last night, the right way, and it was a success. Rich, moist, and nary a bean taste in it. I served it to some guinea pigs we call friends, ;), and they seemed to enjoy it, although i couldn't help but wonder if they had any "aftereffects", if you know what i mean. Here's the recipe, if you care to try it.

BLACK BEAN CHOCOLATE CAKE

In blender combine:
1 1/4 cup black beans, rinsed
3 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla
1/2 tsp. salt
6 T. cocoa
1 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. baking soda

In bowl, whip til smooth:
1/2 cup honey
7 T butter
Add 2 eggs and whip til smooth
Pour butter mixture into blender and blend with bean mixture til well blended.
Bake at 325 degrees for 45 minutes.
Serve with side of Beano.

Actually, i've had far worse side effects with chili. The only side effect i had was a bloated feeling, and that might have had more to do with eating 2 cupcakes while making them (need to check the product), a cupcake after supper (need to check the frosting) and a few while serving company. (make sure they're still edible) Yeah, that was the problem, not the beans. In all seriousness, i will definitely be making this cake again, since i love having yummy recipes that don't use flour and white sugar.

Onto another review that has nothing to do with food. It has to do with math and multiplying. I came across "TimesTales" the other week and was sold quickly on the product, since who doesn't like a fun way to do not fun things. Eric was working on his multiplication and i was feeling a bit stressed, since i also want to finish division before we end the school year. But while he understood the concept, memorizing 3x4 isn't high on his priority list, not that he had a choice, but you know how it goes. Along comes TimesTales and within a couple lessons he has almost all the upper times tables memorized, which means he automatically has simple division down also. Check it out, it's worth it.

And now it's time for breakfast. I'm thinking black bean chocolate cake........

Italian Wedding Soup

2010-03-01T17:48:00.000-08:00

Marlin brought me home a big paper bag of beef bones from the butcher this past weekend. We simmered the bones in water and onions, (not sure what else he threw in there)all day Friday, and i now have lovely beef stock in my freezer. Rich and full of minerals and all for only $13. Actually, Marlin thought that was expensive, but i would have paid that much in the store for crud broth in that amount. So tonight i made Italian Wedding soup, in honor of our upcoming anniversary and the fond memories of 14 years ago. Well, i could've made it in honor of our anniversary and wedding. Mennonites don't eat italian food at their weddings. I'm not sure if they would really feel married with a bowl of spaghetti at the wedding feast instead of mashed potatoes and ham. On my wedding day? What food? Yeah, ok, back to soup. It was yummy and delicious and Marlin loved it. I didn't. I don't know why because the flavor was wonderful, but i was more in the mood for chocolate cake, and beef broth and kale don't cut it when all a woman wants is chocolate. But for all of you who have your issues dealt with in regards to chocolate, here's the recipe.

ITALIAN WEDDING SOUP

1 small onion, diced fine
4 large garlic cloves, minced
1/4 cup finely chopped parsley (used dried and just guessed)
2 eggs, beaten
2 big pinches of salt
black pepper
2 T parmesan
2 T bread crumbs (just guessed)
1 1/2 lbs. ground beef (i used part venison, part pork)

Mix together all ingredients except for beef. Add beef to bowl and gently mix ingredients into the beef. Don't squish or you're asking for tough meatballs, and no one wants tough meatballs!! (and exactly how do tough meatballs taste? don't ask me, i told you i'm not italian)
Set aside while you heat the stock and trim greens.

SOUP

3 quarts chicken or beef stock
1 large bunch kale or spinach, chopped into bite sized pieces

Pour chicken or beef stock into soup pot over medium-high heat. Bring stock to boil and then reduce heat to simmer. Meanwhile, prepare your greens. Once your stock is at a gentle simmer, gently drop walnut sized meatballs into broth and then gently stir. Very gently. Not worried about toughness this time, just worried about no meatballs at all. Simmer meatballs for about 5 minutes and then GENTLY stir in greens and large pinch of salt if needed. Simmer for an additional 10-15 minutes.

Serve with freshly grated parmesan.

We also butchered 2 hogs this weekend, so i now have a freezer full of wonderful pork sausage and scrapple. Bacon is on the way and the hams are brining at this very moment. I seriously hope my man knows what he's doing, but if not, i'll love him anyway. He's worth it.

The newest band on the block.......

2010-02-25T06:54:00.000-08:00

Our children have joined a band and it's amazing the lessons they are learning. It's an interesting band, composed of different age levels, which teaches them the art of being patient with younger children. The music is the kind that makes you feel like leaving this world far behind. Far, far behind. We only believe in the best for our children, so in light of that, i've surrendered my stainless steel kettles, lids, and spoons to the cause. Rock on, children!!

Fried chicken anyone?

2010-02-23T17:59:00.000-08:00

A pack of boneless, skinless chicken breast and a realization that i was missing an ingredient that i needed for my recipe. Only an hour til supper.......so i decided to make two (not just one, i like driving myself crazy)different recipes of chicken fingers. Actually, i made one kind and they didn't look very impressive, so i made another batch. That's probably a big reason i only now finished up cleaning up my house at 9:00. That and the fact that the children were playing business, which meant 3 different business locations scattered throughout the downstairs, much paper money, and an incredible amount of "stuff." They had to clean up but you know how that goes.
This is the recipe i ended up using. Well, kind of since i combined two, but they turned out great and tasted even better with a honey mustard sauce that Marlin whipped up. Did i ever mention that he's a fine cook? Nananananana......too bad, i married him first.

CHICKEN FINGERS
A pile of chicken breasts, around 3, sliced into thin strips or pieces, depending if you want fingers or popcorn chicken
3/4 cup whole wheat flour (i used sprouted, ain't i healthy..)
1/2 tsp. sea salt
1/2 tsp. garlic powder
1/2 tsp. onion powder
3/4 - 1 cup buttermilk (just wanted to add that i used homemade so that everyone feels inferior)
Soak chicken breasts in buttermilk for at least 15-20 minutes. Meanwhile, mix together flour and spices and add 1/4 cup buttermilk, stir lightly. Now you will want to take those buttermilk soaked chicken pieces and roll them in the flour mixture. The flour mixture with the buttermilk added is what makes those yummy little flakes of crunchiness after they're fried. Oh, you will also want a sturdy pan for frying, such as a cast iron. Put a great big gob of lard or coconut oil in til you have about an inch of oil. Get that popping hot and if you're really professional you can monitor the temp with a little temp thingy, but that's only for people who are insecure, or else a really good cook like Marlin. I just wing it, since those little burnt edges add personality. So now you take your breaded chicken (still with me?) and carefully place them in the hot oil and fry on either side til golden brown. Or dark brown, depending on how distracted you get. Take them out and voila', you've got yourself chicken fingers. I have discovered that i tend to way over fry mine out of fear of undercooked chicken. Marlin says most people do that, so tonight i took most of them out while a beautiful golden brown and the insides were nice and tender. I suppose you could also bake them.
I served them with parmesan potato wedges and steamed broccoli. Unfortunately, Marlin and Eric are both struggling with sore throat, so they politely choked down the scratchy chicken and then Marlin fell asleep at the table while drinking his tea. It was one of those romantic moments you dream of while dating. 7 children screeching in the background, a kitchen covered in grease, a wife with pink eye, and a sleeping man. At this rate, baby #8 might be a while in the future......

Pink Eye

2010-02-22T04:43:00.000-08:00

Pink eye. Blood red, sore and nasty looking, that's what my eye looks like. I had pink eye as a little girl so bad that it actually caused an abscess and scarring, making it sensitive. I thought i was getting over it but this morning it's much worse, so here's my arsenal.
Honey, dabbed at the corners. It stings but who cares, it's better than looking like a bloodhound.
Coconut oil, antibacterial, antifungal and antiviral.
Black tea bags, steeped in water with a few tea tree oil drops in and placed on eyes. NEVER, NEVER put tea trea oil directly in eye.
Colloidal silver
Breastmilk on a cotton ball (haven't figured out how to apply it directly.....no suggestions please)
Neosporin dabbed at the corners ( a little man made drug to help things along, i'm desperate!)
I'm also eating raw garlic and taking oregano oil, both nature's antibiotic, since you also need to fight it from the inside out. I don't smell good but with all the colds going around, i don't think Marlin will notice.

Why not go to the doctor? First of all, they could do little when i was a kid and many times you are much better off fighting it with natural stuff. Having said that, if worse comes to worse, i will try that. Maybe.
I forgot the most important part. Prayer, so if you feel led, please offer a few. Thanks!

Also taking any and all suggestions!!!!!!