25 February, 2009

I listened to some prophecy this morning. Interesting to say the least. Obviously Eric, at 9 years old, thought so too. He was hiding under the bed. (i was cleaning the bedroom)Anyway, it brought back a lot of memories. Sitting in the backseat of a minivan on the way home from church, listening to my prophecy loving father expound on the one world system and the end of the world. It struck the fear of God in my heart at a young age, although it didn't exactly give me a feeling of trust and security. It also kept me on the straight and narrow, or a version of it, for at least a couple of years before i decided it wasn't worth the effort to serve a God who was so strict and judgemental. If my dad had known then what i know now about the GMO, human/animal DNA crossing (they're trying but have failed so far, thank you Lord) sick scientists and atheists that have taken over this world, including the good old USA, he would've probably wrecked the van. I grew up, taking this fear of prophecy with me, avoiding the book of Revelations like the plague and never daring to trust the author of that book, God Himself. And then i met Marlin.

My knight in shining armor, my love and the man who was going to fix all my future problems. After all, he was so confident and had/has a brain like no other man i've ever met. I felt safe and secure with him, knowing he could figure his way out of any situation. And he had no time for prophecy. Ahh, he was fine!!!

But, i didn't stay secure, because the prophecies of my dad kept haunting my dreams and in the dark of night i would plan escape routes in my brain. I was pretty sure i couldn't count on the rapture, i had too many moments when i left my flesh take over and i liked to party a little too well. Although i was still religious, i had a sneaky suspicion i wasn't good enough for the kind of God that ruled over us all with an iron hand, waiting to crush me with His pinky. My life started swirling out of control, with alcohol playing a big part in my life, although i would sometimes break down weeping, begging God to help me, to pull me out of the mess i had created. I knew what happened to people like me, i had heard my dad and various preachers thunder the horrors of hell many a time, but i was trapped. Trapped in a vicious cycle of sin, fear and the lusts of the flesh. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that i was going straight to hell, one foot on a banana peel and the other in the grave. The fear of hell, the prophecies of my father and the love of my life weren't enough and i was at the end of my rope. And then i met Jesus and my life as i knew it was over.

I'm no longer afraid of prophecy but see it simply as another opportunity to trust Jesus. I don't have big fat opinions about what's going to happen in the future (please don't tell my dad) but know that i'm to live one day at a time. At night when the devil whispers doubts and fears into my mind and i find myself panicking over how to guard those precious 6 little souls in the other room, i have to make a choice. A choice between a life filled with fear or a choice to surrender every one of them to the King who loves them far more than i possibly could. We don't hide the truth from the children about the state of this world and we talk about all the martyrs that have died in the last 2000 years. Neither do we hide that we could possibly see a very different world in the next decade but i remind the children over and over that no matter what, Jesus is ALWAYS with us and most importantly, He LOVES us. I have no doubt that it's only a matter of very short time before this whole world crashes and i'm human enough to hope Jesus pulls us all out before that happens but even if He doesn't, He has promised to never leave us or forsake us. I don't have a doubt that the Jesus i met 7 years ago is the same Jesus that will walk every future road with me, my man and our children.

Marlin now loves prophecy, how ironic, but he doesn't have the fear that i thought prophetic people have. He knows the King and trusts Him and somehow, i've come to see prophecy as a beautiful thing, especially if that prophecy remains in the future.......... :)

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