So i'm 5 wks away from D-day......and that means i feel beautiful. Fulfilled. Gracious. Womanly.
OR NOT!
I do feel very rich at having the opportunity to carry another baby under my heart, but quite frankly, i also feel very grouchy. I discovered a way to make a husband's eyebrows shoot high is to tell him that you feel grouchy enough that if it was closer to due date you would think labor is soon to commence. Few things make a man panic quicker than to tell him that as he is preparing to head into the interior for the day.
I assured him. "No worries, dear. I've 5 wks to go."
Besides, i haven't had the nesting urge and everyone knows there's no chance of a baby before the clothes are washed and pampers waiting. I've only been to see my doctor once because the other two times she wasn't available so i'm sure little mr. weaver will be gracious enough to wait. Most likely he'll be so gracious that he won't show up until my due date is past, and i've destroyed any hopes of presenting a womanly, gracious mother figure to the world, never mind my family.
At least telling Marlin that i'm miserable enough to take a few heads off earned me a shoulder rub from him. He also ordered all children at a safe distance from me for their own safety sake.
We're the kind of missionary family everyone dreams of emulating.
I think though that i'm feeling a bit better after a cup of coffee, laced with caffeine and sugar. If there was a Starbucks close by and i didn't have to brave Kenyan roads and lunatics, i would drive there and ponder the seriousness of life over a good book. That is if i didn't have any other children needing a mother. But i do happen to have many offspring, and there's no Starbucks and there ARE many lunatics outside this compound careening over speed bumps on piki piki's so i will stay put and do laundry.
Wish me well.
Showing posts with label Pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pregnancy. Show all posts
20 February, 2015
07 September, 2014
12 weeks
I can't sleep and maybe, just maybe if i sit and write, then sleep will come.
This week marks the 12th week of pregnancy and with every other child, even our first, i put away my too tight dresses and donned the wardrobe that told the world that i was to be once again a mother. I always wore them with a sense of relief, at finally looking pregnant instead of just fat.
Today i put the dress on that i was wearing when we found out we were losing our long waited for little girl. I looked a bit in the mirror and then quietly put it away. I thot it was because it seemed to large but i realized later it was more than that. It seems that i am finding out that even healed people still fill with raw pain and tears.
How do i wear the same dresses that i wore when carrying her? When i see those dresses i think shock and agony. They seem to me as if they carry pain huddled in their gathers and pleats. Yet somehow, i will put them back on, because sewing a whole new wardrobe is not feasible.
And strangely, through it all, i seem to see my mother. I know what she would have done. She would have cried and then did the next thing. Which would have been to pull that dress over her head, zipper it up the back, knot those ties and face life. She would have chosen happiness over a new life beginning and refused to allow self pity to pull her down.
So tonight i cry and allow that grief to happen. I won't pretend that right now all i want is Hadassah. I do.
But i also know that God is good, good, good and He is bigger than pain filled dresses and hearts. I want to walk with courage and faith and so tomorrow i choose joy. I choose joy only because i am walking with the One who holds both Hadassah and this new child in His hand and His ways are perfect.
Please pray for me that i would continue to choose joy and trust through this new journey of anticipation mixed with pain.
This week marks the 12th week of pregnancy and with every other child, even our first, i put away my too tight dresses and donned the wardrobe that told the world that i was to be once again a mother. I always wore them with a sense of relief, at finally looking pregnant instead of just fat.
Today i put the dress on that i was wearing when we found out we were losing our long waited for little girl. I looked a bit in the mirror and then quietly put it away. I thot it was because it seemed to large but i realized later it was more than that. It seems that i am finding out that even healed people still fill with raw pain and tears.
How do i wear the same dresses that i wore when carrying her? When i see those dresses i think shock and agony. They seem to me as if they carry pain huddled in their gathers and pleats. Yet somehow, i will put them back on, because sewing a whole new wardrobe is not feasible.
And strangely, through it all, i seem to see my mother. I know what she would have done. She would have cried and then did the next thing. Which would have been to pull that dress over her head, zipper it up the back, knot those ties and face life. She would have chosen happiness over a new life beginning and refused to allow self pity to pull her down.
So tonight i cry and allow that grief to happen. I won't pretend that right now all i want is Hadassah. I do.
But i also know that God is good, good, good and He is bigger than pain filled dresses and hearts. I want to walk with courage and faith and so tomorrow i choose joy. I choose joy only because i am walking with the One who holds both Hadassah and this new child in His hand and His ways are perfect.
Please pray for me that i would continue to choose joy and trust through this new journey of anticipation mixed with pain.
15 March, 2012
Levi Allen
So back to the breaking of my water. I warned Marlin to not take to long in the barn........the children were just sure that by the time they came in from milking, i would be finishing up delivering and they could hold the baby while the bacon fried. Not so. To their great disappointment, i was far from delivering anything and by that evening i
It was one of my best births ever and i contribute it to a few different things. Number 1, prayer, prayer, and more prayer and a true surrender to God's plan. Number 2, while it was annoying to have my water break the day before i actually delivered, i do believe it probably gave me a shorter labor. Number 3, the whirlpool. While it certainly didn't take the pain away, it helped me to relax and handle it better. And number 4, i LOVED delivering in the squatting position. I always felt like i was hindering myself by delivering reclining and even tried delivering Jacob on my knees but something about the squatting position made a HUGE difference. It felt so right.......however, i know people who hate that position so it obviously depends on the person. Of course, don't forget that i had a wonderful midwife and helper.
26 March, 2011
Missing in Action
So i haven't fallen off the face of the earth........yet. When that happens it will be either through the rapture or death, and either way, i won't be back. Nor will i wish to be. :)
There IS a reason for my absence.
NAUSEA + FATIGUE = BABY!!!!!!
I'm 8 weeks pregnant and struggling through first trimester morning/all day sickness. Not fun but as that famous song went, "I will survive..."
We are very excited, and the children are hoping we'll reach number 16 yet before my body officially gives up on child bearing. They have figured out that if most women are finished by the age of 45, (yes, we've had the whole menopause conversation...in an abbreviated version) that means i have another 10 years yet, and if i have a baby every year.............they have forgotten to figure in God, daddy and last but most definitely not least, mamma. :) It's good to know God is in control.
There IS a reason for my absence.
NAUSEA + FATIGUE = BABY!!!!!!
I'm 8 weeks pregnant and struggling through first trimester morning/all day sickness. Not fun but as that famous song went, "I will survive..."
We are very excited, and the children are hoping we'll reach number 16 yet before my body officially gives up on child bearing. They have figured out that if most women are finished by the age of 45, (yes, we've had the whole menopause conversation...in an abbreviated version) that means i have another 10 years yet, and if i have a baby every year.............they have forgotten to figure in God, daddy and last but most definitely not least, mamma. :) It's good to know God is in control.
21 October, 2009
Red Raspberry Tea...
An interesting article, although take it with a grain of salt. Enjoy. :)
"The Raspberry Leaf Tea Story
Tea made from raspberry leaves is the best-known herbal aid in pregnancy. Rather than go into all the traditional lore about this herb, we present the following lengthy account, because it is both contemporaneous and highly specific.
"My mother was born and raised in Scotland, coming to america at the age of 26. Whenever a member of her family became ill or had a health problem, her mother had consulted an herbalist or herb doctor. As a result of this, I was treated with herbs as a child.
"Mother had always told me that red raspberry leaf tea would prevent miscarriage and was excellent for pregnany and chilbirth. When I became pregnant, I immediately sent for some raspberry leaf tea and began taking one cup of it each day, made from one teaspoon of dried leaves added to one cup of boiling water and steeped for 15 minutes. I had a very normal pregnancy. Then I went into labor, I truly expected to have an easy labor and delivery because I had faithfully taken the tea. While it is true that I did not have a complicated or extremely difficult time, it was not by any means easy. The tea had not lived up to my expectations.
"It was not until sometimes after the birth of my daughter that I read a book my mother had brought with her from Scotland entitled Dragged to Light by W.H. Box of Plymouth, England. In it I found the secret of just how to take the tea so it would truly work wonders during labor and delivery. Box said, 'On one ounce of raspberry leaves pour one pint of boiling water, cover and let steep for 30 minutes. Strain, and when the time for delivery is approaching drink the whole as hot as possible.'
"There were a number of testimonials in the book written by women who had used this herb. Several took the strong solution over a period of time before going into labor. They were instructed in that case to take a wineglassful three times a day. They had 'only two stiff pains and it was all over' or 'no after pains and very slight before.' They never made it out of the house. Box's instructions were, 'But those who take the tea considerably before the time should not leave the house when the time is approaching as many mothers are delivered almost suddenly when at their work, to the great veaxtion of doctors and nurses.'
"When I became pregnant again I was determined to try it that way. I still took a cup a day as I had before. but this time when I went into labor I made a strong solution of it as I had read in the book. I put it in a container and took it to the hospital with me. I wasn't sure how quickly it would work and I didn't want to have the baby in the car. I didn't think they'd allow me to drink it in the hospital so I drank half of it in the parking lot. I was afraid to drink all of it as it was so strong and I didn't personally know anyone who had taken it this strong before. I had been having strong contractions but by the time I registered and was taken up to the labor room the contractions were so mild I hardly felt them. Upon examination they said I was ready to deliver and would not even give me an enema. In the delivery room I was quite comfortable and hardly felt anything. One hour after entering the hospital my son was born." End quote.
I will say that i'm a HUGE believer in red raspberry leaf tea, along with nettles, alfalfa and peppermint. I have drank it faithfully the last couple of pregnancies and i don't have a doubt that it plays a big part in my healthy pregnancies. In the first trimester it eases my nausea and i know it helps to strengthen my uterus for carrying all these babies. Since we don't see an end in the near future to having these small humans, i want to take care of my insides as well as possible. Do i think it makes for easier labors? I don't really know, although i do want to try the infusion when labor kicks in. I have been making my tea very strong the last couple of months so we'll see. I realize the fact is that labor hurts, at least for most of us. My midwife did tell me about a woman whose baby they just delivered who has very little pain during childbirth. Her babies come fast and are relatively easy to deliver. I asked her what i can do to have the same experience and she said it's simply the way God makes some women. She also said that the person is calm and controlled. I started laughing and said i have a feeling my personality works against me. She agreed (that's one reason i like her, she's not afraid to be real)but hey, while i might have to literally tell myself to be calm, at least my personality is a plus in other situations. :)
I promise i'll start posting something other than pregnancy and childbirth in the future. Obviously it's a big part of my life right now but that will soon change to baby, nursing, and everything else that goes along with it. Can't wait.
"The Raspberry Leaf Tea Story
Tea made from raspberry leaves is the best-known herbal aid in pregnancy. Rather than go into all the traditional lore about this herb, we present the following lengthy account, because it is both contemporaneous and highly specific.
"My mother was born and raised in Scotland, coming to america at the age of 26. Whenever a member of her family became ill or had a health problem, her mother had consulted an herbalist or herb doctor. As a result of this, I was treated with herbs as a child.
"Mother had always told me that red raspberry leaf tea would prevent miscarriage and was excellent for pregnany and chilbirth. When I became pregnant, I immediately sent for some raspberry leaf tea and began taking one cup of it each day, made from one teaspoon of dried leaves added to one cup of boiling water and steeped for 15 minutes. I had a very normal pregnancy. Then I went into labor, I truly expected to have an easy labor and delivery because I had faithfully taken the tea. While it is true that I did not have a complicated or extremely difficult time, it was not by any means easy. The tea had not lived up to my expectations.
"It was not until sometimes after the birth of my daughter that I read a book my mother had brought with her from Scotland entitled Dragged to Light by W.H. Box of Plymouth, England. In it I found the secret of just how to take the tea so it would truly work wonders during labor and delivery. Box said, 'On one ounce of raspberry leaves pour one pint of boiling water, cover and let steep for 30 minutes. Strain, and when the time for delivery is approaching drink the whole as hot as possible.'
"There were a number of testimonials in the book written by women who had used this herb. Several took the strong solution over a period of time before going into labor. They were instructed in that case to take a wineglassful three times a day. They had 'only two stiff pains and it was all over' or 'no after pains and very slight before.' They never made it out of the house. Box's instructions were, 'But those who take the tea considerably before the time should not leave the house when the time is approaching as many mothers are delivered almost suddenly when at their work, to the great veaxtion of doctors and nurses.'
"When I became pregnant again I was determined to try it that way. I still took a cup a day as I had before. but this time when I went into labor I made a strong solution of it as I had read in the book. I put it in a container and took it to the hospital with me. I wasn't sure how quickly it would work and I didn't want to have the baby in the car. I didn't think they'd allow me to drink it in the hospital so I drank half of it in the parking lot. I was afraid to drink all of it as it was so strong and I didn't personally know anyone who had taken it this strong before. I had been having strong contractions but by the time I registered and was taken up to the labor room the contractions were so mild I hardly felt them. Upon examination they said I was ready to deliver and would not even give me an enema. In the delivery room I was quite comfortable and hardly felt anything. One hour after entering the hospital my son was born." End quote.
I will say that i'm a HUGE believer in red raspberry leaf tea, along with nettles, alfalfa and peppermint. I have drank it faithfully the last couple of pregnancies and i don't have a doubt that it plays a big part in my healthy pregnancies. In the first trimester it eases my nausea and i know it helps to strengthen my uterus for carrying all these babies. Since we don't see an end in the near future to having these small humans, i want to take care of my insides as well as possible. Do i think it makes for easier labors? I don't really know, although i do want to try the infusion when labor kicks in. I have been making my tea very strong the last couple of months so we'll see. I realize the fact is that labor hurts, at least for most of us. My midwife did tell me about a woman whose baby they just delivered who has very little pain during childbirth. Her babies come fast and are relatively easy to deliver. I asked her what i can do to have the same experience and she said it's simply the way God makes some women. She also said that the person is calm and controlled. I started laughing and said i have a feeling my personality works against me. She agreed (that's one reason i like her, she's not afraid to be real)but hey, while i might have to literally tell myself to be calm, at least my personality is a plus in other situations. :)
I promise i'll start posting something other than pregnancy and childbirth in the future. Obviously it's a big part of my life right now but that will soon change to baby, nursing, and everything else that goes along with it. Can't wait.
20 October, 2009
Due Dates and Ladybugs
11 days til the baby's due date. Or what i think the due date is. :) I was at the midwife's yesterday and am measuring 1-1/2 weeks small, which is unusual for me. Actually, that's never happened with any of my other pregnancies. So the thought has crossed my mind that maybe my due date is off......time will tell. I did find out the baby is posterior, which means a tougher labor if i don't get the baby to turn. I remember the back labor with Eric before he turned and it wasn't fun. Fortunately, there are exercises i can do to get it to turn. Hopefully. :( The good news is that i got rid of a pesky yeast issue. I wasn't even aware i had it until i took the strip test and discovered it, but it's now gone. Thanks to grapefruit seed extract, probiotics and lots of raw sauerkraut. Marlin makes the BEST sauerkraut and i crave it, eating it straight out of the jar.
In other things, we have a ladybug infestation today. The backyard is literally swarming and Emily is completely grossed out. I should make a science lesson out of them, if i could find the energy to make one. I'd rather sit in front of the computer, or stare off into space. At least Marlin is grilling chicken for supper. A whole chicken, spatch-cocked and smoked/grilled on the Traeger grill. I love grilled chicken like that and since i'm 9 months pregnant and allowed to have cravings, he spoils me. You should see the kind of food he whips up the first week after a baby. Somehow he thinks i'm worthy. Probably the look on my face when the baby is being born.
Since i don't seem to have anything real important to write about, i'm going to go find myself a little caffeine and try and get a few things done....squash a few lady bugs, iron a few shirts, stare out the window.
In other things, we have a ladybug infestation today. The backyard is literally swarming and Emily is completely grossed out. I should make a science lesson out of them, if i could find the energy to make one. I'd rather sit in front of the computer, or stare off into space. At least Marlin is grilling chicken for supper. A whole chicken, spatch-cocked and smoked/grilled on the Traeger grill. I love grilled chicken like that and since i'm 9 months pregnant and allowed to have cravings, he spoils me. You should see the kind of food he whips up the first week after a baby. Somehow he thinks i'm worthy. Probably the look on my face when the baby is being born.
Since i don't seem to have anything real important to write about, i'm going to go find myself a little caffeine and try and get a few things done....squash a few lady bugs, iron a few shirts, stare out the window.
08 October, 2009
Joshua 1
I woke up this morning feeling bleary eyed and more than a little heavy laden. Literally. I can hardly walk without waddling, it seems this baby is in one hard little ball in the front. By evening i feel like i should be quacking instead of talking. Anyway, i woke up late, and sat down to have a little quiet time. I wasn't expecting a whole lot, since i didn't feel especially holy or spiritual at the moment. I felt tired, stressed and irritable. Marlin has a busy week with little sleep, (not complaining, i'm SO thankful for his job) but i was a little worried he'd fall asleep on the road. My mother is rapidly getting worse, far faster than we had a clue, and i know the road ahead won't be easy, emotionally or physically. It's almost my due date and i'm not ready. My house felt messy and i thought it smelled worse.
So i sat there with my Bible and a small devotional book that i stole from my mom. And God, in spite of my wretchedness, gave me a verse that jumped out at me. "HAVE I NOT COMMANDED YOU? BE STRONG AND COURAGEOUS! DO NOT TREMBLE OR BE DISMAYED, FOR THE LORD YOUR GOD IS WITH YOU WHEREVER YOU GO." Joshua 1:9
I hear you God, loud and clear. Actually, that whole chapter is amazing and encouraging. Moses, everyone's hero, had just died and God promises Joshua He will be with him, just as He was with Moses. As long as Joshua followed God's commandments and trusted Him, there was nothing that God wouldn't remove from Joshua's path. And that promise holds true for every born again believer today. How in the world can i sit here and fret when i have a God like that backing me up. It would be blasphemy, and i can't tell you what kind of peace that brings to my heart. I don't need to worry about Marlin falling asleep or my mother rapidly turning into someone that i don't know. The baby? God knows the perfect time and all He asks is i look to Him. My big belly is a beautiful thing, something to carry with joy, and if i waddle? It's for a reason that will reach into eternity. I don't even need to carry the worry of raising godly children. As i surrender my life to God Himself, and allow Him to break and mold me, He will also do the same for our children. That's a promise, one that allows me to love my children without reserve, knowing that they are in the palm of God's hand.
I've been saved for 8 years, and i thought my love was sweet that first day i met Him. I knew nothing, and i know nothing yet of the love that God has for His children. There's nothing to do but worship and offer myself to Him, walking in that joy and freedom that only comes from knowing who is in control of my life. And one small sign of His love?
Green tea, sweet, hot, and strong. :) Ahhhh........
So i sat there with my Bible and a small devotional book that i stole from my mom. And God, in spite of my wretchedness, gave me a verse that jumped out at me. "HAVE I NOT COMMANDED YOU? BE STRONG AND COURAGEOUS! DO NOT TREMBLE OR BE DISMAYED, FOR THE LORD YOUR GOD IS WITH YOU WHEREVER YOU GO." Joshua 1:9
I hear you God, loud and clear. Actually, that whole chapter is amazing and encouraging. Moses, everyone's hero, had just died and God promises Joshua He will be with him, just as He was with Moses. As long as Joshua followed God's commandments and trusted Him, there was nothing that God wouldn't remove from Joshua's path. And that promise holds true for every born again believer today. How in the world can i sit here and fret when i have a God like that backing me up. It would be blasphemy, and i can't tell you what kind of peace that brings to my heart. I don't need to worry about Marlin falling asleep or my mother rapidly turning into someone that i don't know. The baby? God knows the perfect time and all He asks is i look to Him. My big belly is a beautiful thing, something to carry with joy, and if i waddle? It's for a reason that will reach into eternity. I don't even need to carry the worry of raising godly children. As i surrender my life to God Himself, and allow Him to break and mold me, He will also do the same for our children. That's a promise, one that allows me to love my children without reserve, knowing that they are in the palm of God's hand.
I've been saved for 8 years, and i thought my love was sweet that first day i met Him. I knew nothing, and i know nothing yet of the love that God has for His children. There's nothing to do but worship and offer myself to Him, walking in that joy and freedom that only comes from knowing who is in control of my life. And one small sign of His love?
Green tea, sweet, hot, and strong. :) Ahhhh........
01 October, 2009
Soon and very soon.........
Ah, the house is completely quiet. The chillun's are sleeping, Marlin's at mens meeting, and i have peace and quiet. It's weird, i actually feel lonely when everyone is snoozing and there aren't any little voices to keep me company. They are such a part of my life, every moment of the day wrapped around their needs and wants. Exhausting? Uh-huh. Stressful? Sometimes. But i wouldn't change it for the world. I have also learned.... again....that consistency in training makes all the difference in whether you enjoy your children or not. Sigh, that's a lesson i have to learn over and over and over.
The midwife came for a house visit and did a check up of course. Everything looks great, the baby is growing, (doesn't take much of a brain to figure that out if you take the time to look at me)and i'm on the countdown. Only a month to go!! And of course i have no baby clothing ready, no baby bed set up, no birth supplies on hand, and only about 5 wee pampers. At least i have a diaper bag. It might be empty, and depending on the sex of the baby it'll be the wrong color, but i do have something to carry my pampers and extra baby clothing in. Once i get them, that is. I simply don't feel any urgency. I actually might be pregnant forever. I'm not depressed about it, not at all, i simply can't seem to wrap my mind around the fact that in a matter of days, i'll be holding a small baby, Lord willing. I can honestly say that i kind of like this part of pregnancy. The whole mysterious thing of when labor will start (in church? grocery store? friend's bathroom?) is fun, although i have successfully, for the most part, managed to forget about the not so fun part of actually having to squeeze a large baby through a very small space. And since we don't know what we're having, the suspense builds. It's amazing though how i'll forget to look what the baby is after the birth. I'm so busy repeating "thank you God, IT'S OVER!!" and making sure the baby's breathing and has the proper body parts, that i forget to check exactly what kind of body parts he/she even has... I think i'll change the subject, i'm having a few too many flashbacks. You know, the whole "big baby-small space" thing makes me feel a bit weak.
My man's home, time to close. :)
The midwife came for a house visit and did a check up of course. Everything looks great, the baby is growing, (doesn't take much of a brain to figure that out if you take the time to look at me)and i'm on the countdown. Only a month to go!! And of course i have no baby clothing ready, no baby bed set up, no birth supplies on hand, and only about 5 wee pampers. At least i have a diaper bag. It might be empty, and depending on the sex of the baby it'll be the wrong color, but i do have something to carry my pampers and extra baby clothing in. Once i get them, that is. I simply don't feel any urgency. I actually might be pregnant forever. I'm not depressed about it, not at all, i simply can't seem to wrap my mind around the fact that in a matter of days, i'll be holding a small baby, Lord willing. I can honestly say that i kind of like this part of pregnancy. The whole mysterious thing of when labor will start (in church? grocery store? friend's bathroom?) is fun, although i have successfully, for the most part, managed to forget about the not so fun part of actually having to squeeze a large baby through a very small space. And since we don't know what we're having, the suspense builds. It's amazing though how i'll forget to look what the baby is after the birth. I'm so busy repeating "thank you God, IT'S OVER!!" and making sure the baby's breathing and has the proper body parts, that i forget to check exactly what kind of body parts he/she even has... I think i'll change the subject, i'm having a few too many flashbacks. You know, the whole "big baby-small space" thing makes me feel a bit weak.
My man's home, time to close. :)
27 August, 2009
I'm in love.........
I ate too many pancakes this morning. Ugh, i feel a bit full and i have a sneaky suspicion i know why that scale is creeping up. It seems lately that i can eat and eat and hardly get full. I'm thinking i'm not eating enough fats and scarfing down way too many carbs. All the fellowship meals at church and dinner invites aren't helping either. On the other hand, maybe i have unresolved issues in my life from when i was a child and so i'm really not to blame. You know, it's all my parents fault for me not being perfect, i'm just a victim of circumstances. Just kidding........:)
We finally, at 30 weeks pregnant, found a midwife. Not just any midwife but one we're really excited about and feel a real connection to. I had pretty much given up hope that it was possible this late in the pregnancy and i had asked Marlin just a couple days before if he was sure we shouldn't do unassisted. Although he would be happy to deliver the baby himself he knows that I'm not ready for that so in his great husbandly wisdom he said no. And then we found her. I can always tell something about a midwife by the way she feels the baby. If her hands are too gentle and unsure, the red flags go up. We don't want someone who's cocky and over confident, but Marlin, being the business man that he is, looks for that confidence and calm bearing of someone who knows what they're doing. This midwife's hands were gentle and yet firm, and she instantly knew how the baby was lying. But i think the biggest thing that impressed us was her spirit. Obviously a conservative christian, we could tell by the way she handled herself that she knew her position in Christ. I can't explain that, it's just something we picked up on and our spirits instantly connected and that mattered far more than anything else. You know, in a homebirth you don't have the security blankets of a surgical team down the hall or drugs. While we firmly believe birth is a natural thing and 99% of the time it's best to let the body work naturally the way God intended, you can't ignore the fact that things can go wrong in the best of circumstances. Every time i get pregnant we pray for God to show where He wants us to have the baby, and that includes a hospital. I never want to get to a place where i refuse to consider something "different" than what we're used too, simply out of my own opinions. However, when you have a natural birth, having a midwife who can pray with and for you through the hardest part of labor (that's where i look at Marlin and say "NO MORE CHILDREN!!! EVER!!!!!!!! and that's where he quickly agrees, smart man) means the world. I have to say, after the twins i didn't think i would ever want to go through birth again. Theirs was a hard birth and i was so exhausted by the end that i couldn't even hold the babies or walk to the bathroom. So when i found out i was pregnant, i felt a few moments of panic and wished a few times that i could simply get an epidural or have someone knock me over the head until the baby's born. I knew if i begged for a hospital birth Marlin would agree, but i also knew deep in my heart that it wasn't really what i wanted. Something strange has happened however. As i get closer to the end of this pregnancy, i have started feeling a bond that's incredibly strong with this baby, and along with that an anticipation for labor. Not that i want the pain but i want the rewards that come with it. I've never had this feeling before, although i tried to have it many times. I would read scripture and try to convince myself that labor was worth it but it never worked. Of all pregnancies, i never expected it to happen with this one. I struggled the hardest when i found out i was pregnant, and was too busy for months to give it a whole lot of thought, but somehow over the last number of weeks God has done a work in my heart and i am head over heels in love with the child. I look at my strong manly husband and i feel a thrill that i get to carry one more child of his. Let me assure you friends, that is a God thing. With all the hormones raging through me and the emotional weariness, there's no way that i could come up with these feelings on my own. So i rest in that, and continue to pray that God would lead us and that most of all we would remain sensitive to the Holy Spirit and broken at the foot of the cross. After all, that's where all this started. :)
We finally, at 30 weeks pregnant, found a midwife. Not just any midwife but one we're really excited about and feel a real connection to. I had pretty much given up hope that it was possible this late in the pregnancy and i had asked Marlin just a couple days before if he was sure we shouldn't do unassisted. Although he would be happy to deliver the baby himself he knows that I'm not ready for that so in his great husbandly wisdom he said no. And then we found her. I can always tell something about a midwife by the way she feels the baby. If her hands are too gentle and unsure, the red flags go up. We don't want someone who's cocky and over confident, but Marlin, being the business man that he is, looks for that confidence and calm bearing of someone who knows what they're doing. This midwife's hands were gentle and yet firm, and she instantly knew how the baby was lying. But i think the biggest thing that impressed us was her spirit. Obviously a conservative christian, we could tell by the way she handled herself that she knew her position in Christ. I can't explain that, it's just something we picked up on and our spirits instantly connected and that mattered far more than anything else. You know, in a homebirth you don't have the security blankets of a surgical team down the hall or drugs. While we firmly believe birth is a natural thing and 99% of the time it's best to let the body work naturally the way God intended, you can't ignore the fact that things can go wrong in the best of circumstances. Every time i get pregnant we pray for God to show where He wants us to have the baby, and that includes a hospital. I never want to get to a place where i refuse to consider something "different" than what we're used too, simply out of my own opinions. However, when you have a natural birth, having a midwife who can pray with and for you through the hardest part of labor (that's where i look at Marlin and say "NO MORE CHILDREN!!! EVER!!!!!!!! and that's where he quickly agrees, smart man) means the world. I have to say, after the twins i didn't think i would ever want to go through birth again. Theirs was a hard birth and i was so exhausted by the end that i couldn't even hold the babies or walk to the bathroom. So when i found out i was pregnant, i felt a few moments of panic and wished a few times that i could simply get an epidural or have someone knock me over the head until the baby's born. I knew if i begged for a hospital birth Marlin would agree, but i also knew deep in my heart that it wasn't really what i wanted. Something strange has happened however. As i get closer to the end of this pregnancy, i have started feeling a bond that's incredibly strong with this baby, and along with that an anticipation for labor. Not that i want the pain but i want the rewards that come with it. I've never had this feeling before, although i tried to have it many times. I would read scripture and try to convince myself that labor was worth it but it never worked. Of all pregnancies, i never expected it to happen with this one. I struggled the hardest when i found out i was pregnant, and was too busy for months to give it a whole lot of thought, but somehow over the last number of weeks God has done a work in my heart and i am head over heels in love with the child. I look at my strong manly husband and i feel a thrill that i get to carry one more child of his. Let me assure you friends, that is a God thing. With all the hormones raging through me and the emotional weariness, there's no way that i could come up with these feelings on my own. So i rest in that, and continue to pray that God would lead us and that most of all we would remain sensitive to the Holy Spirit and broken at the foot of the cross. After all, that's where all this started. :)
10 June, 2009
Midwives and Moving
Today we find out how big this mama is measuring and if there's reason to suspect more than one. I'm looking forward to visiting with the midwives, they're almost like family and of course it's always fun to hear the heartbeat and all the little details. Many people are asking who we are going to use for the birth since we'll be moving before the baby's born. To be honest, we don't know how that will all work out. It's been a battle to lay it all down and to trust God that He will show not only us as a couple, but especially Marlin as my leader. He, of course, wouldn't consider doing something if we're not united but i sensed fear lurking in my heart which is also linked with control, so i've been praying for the grace to trust. Neither of us are fans of going to a birth center, simply because our home births have been so beautiful and the thought of having to drag myself to a vehicle in pain is so not attractive. I LOVE being able to stay in my own bed and when the baby is here, to simply rest and have Marlin pamper me. :) He does a WONDERFUL job. On the other hand, i'm willing to go birth center or even hospital if that's what God wants. There is a chance the midwives from down here would be willing to work with us, although how that would work out i'm not sure. But God has NEVER been anything but faithful, not sure why i have to keep learning that.
On other news, packing is going very well. When we made the move official, my prayer was that God would give me a calm heart and that He would protect me from feeling overwhelmed. In all practicality, the chances of that aren't real high when you take into consideration the fact that not only do we have a row of little ones, including 2 VERY busy toddlers, but i'm also pregnant and for some reason, very tired much of the time. But God has answered and i feel so very calm and the packing is 3/4ths finished. My mother-in-law has been such a blessing by coming over and not only packing but also tackling the eternal ironing pile. Unfortunately, i have also seen some areas in the children that are hugely lacking in the training part and have purposed in my heart to deal with it. I realize that it's normal considering the changes but that's no excuse to have out of control children. The twins especially are in a very intense training period, and there are times when i feel so inadequate that i wonder if i have any clue what i'm doing and if they will ever do anything but scream when they're angry. But it's ok if i don't have a clue, that's what the Holy Spirit is for if i only take the time to ask for help. Thankfully Marlin has complete authority in their lives and they totally understand that. Amazing how that works. Now if i could only make them believe that about their mother.
I also haven't forgotten that i promised pictures of our trip to Baltimore but for some reason i haven't been able to download them. I will have to get my computer superman to do it for me. I love being married to a superhero. ;)
On other news, packing is going very well. When we made the move official, my prayer was that God would give me a calm heart and that He would protect me from feeling overwhelmed. In all practicality, the chances of that aren't real high when you take into consideration the fact that not only do we have a row of little ones, including 2 VERY busy toddlers, but i'm also pregnant and for some reason, very tired much of the time. But God has answered and i feel so very calm and the packing is 3/4ths finished. My mother-in-law has been such a blessing by coming over and not only packing but also tackling the eternal ironing pile. Unfortunately, i have also seen some areas in the children that are hugely lacking in the training part and have purposed in my heart to deal with it. I realize that it's normal considering the changes but that's no excuse to have out of control children. The twins especially are in a very intense training period, and there are times when i feel so inadequate that i wonder if i have any clue what i'm doing and if they will ever do anything but scream when they're angry. But it's ok if i don't have a clue, that's what the Holy Spirit is for if i only take the time to ask for help. Thankfully Marlin has complete authority in their lives and they totally understand that. Amazing how that works. Now if i could only make them believe that about their mother.
I also haven't forgotten that i promised pictures of our trip to Baltimore but for some reason i haven't been able to download them. I will have to get my computer superman to do it for me. I love being married to a superhero. ;)
18 March, 2009
I need me some yogurt and...............McDonalds
My appetite does strange things to me in the first trimester of pregnancy. You always hear health guru's say how your body will tell you what it needs if you listen. I hate to disagree, but if that's true, well then, my body needs cheap hotdogs with white hotdog buns, McDonald's cheapest horse meat hamburgers with a side of vegetable oil soaked french fries, (it's been a VERY long time since i ate there, my kids recoil in horror at the thought)and coke. I'm thinking my body signs are messed up or else my babies have a mind of their own. I also become weak in my self denial. Somehow, while walking through the grocery store, it seems right and holy to pick up a container of Ben and Jerry's ice-cream and it seems absolutely sinful to think of eating salad. And it seems even more right and just to hide this food in the fridge or freezer and eat it while the children are in a deep sleep. Maybe i actually have a spiritual problem disguised as food. Hmmmm, sneaky.
There is one healthy food however, that i absolutely love and haven't got tired of. Yet. Small chunks of apples slathered with homemade vanilla yogurt. Last night i casually placed our last apple on a top shelf of the fridge and this morning while the crew was still upstairs, i enjoyed my small piece of heaven. I felt no guilt, for i was making them pancakes and besides, the baby needs it more than they do. My homemade yogurt, which i made yesterday, turned out fabulous. Thick, smooth, rich and creamy. I had sweetened it with a touch of NuNaturals stevia, the best stevia there is, but just a very little. Sadly, between me and the kids, we ate at least a quart of yogurt, leaving only 2 quarts left. It will never last the weekend, i may have to move it to the downstairs fridge, or perhaps in ice under my bed. To redeem myself, i am going to share my ever so simple recipe for yogurt.
I spend $5.25 for a gallon of raw, organic, grassfed jersey milk and if i use yogurt from a previous batch, that is my total cost for a gallon of delish yogurt. Far cheaper than the cheapest fake stuff from the store and about a million times better for you. Here's the recipe.
HOMEMADE YOGURT:
1 GALLON MILK
3/4 CUP SUGAR (I SKIP OR USE STEVIA)
HEAT MILK TO 180 DEGREES. (I KNOW, YOU'RE BASICALLY PASTEURIZING IT, BUT IT'S WHAT MAKES YOUR YOGURT THICK AND I LIKE THICK YOGURT. )
COOL MILK DOWN TO 110-120 DEGREES
ADD 1 1/2 CUPS YOGURT, WITH LIVE CULTURES, AND STIR WELL. PLACE LID ON AND LET SIT FOR 6-8 HOURS. I SOMETIMES LIKE TO PUT IT IN THE OVEN WITH THE LIGHT ON BUT IT'S NOT NECESSARY. I THEN PLACE IN FRIDGE OVERNIGHT SO IT CAN GET GOOD AND COLD BEFORE DISTURBING IT.
IF YOU WISH, YOU CAN TAKE 1 1/2 CUPS OUT FOR YOUR NEXT BATCH.
That's it. Like all homemade products, it can turn out differently each time, but i've had great success with this recipe. I've tried just heating my milk up to 120 degrees but it simply didn't get thick like we wanted. There's something about the heating process......I guess you could use some gelatin if you wanted so that you're milk would still be raw. I may have to try that. But for now, i think i'm going to go lick my yogurt container out. Would hate to have any probiotics go to waste.
There is one healthy food however, that i absolutely love and haven't got tired of. Yet. Small chunks of apples slathered with homemade vanilla yogurt. Last night i casually placed our last apple on a top shelf of the fridge and this morning while the crew was still upstairs, i enjoyed my small piece of heaven. I felt no guilt, for i was making them pancakes and besides, the baby needs it more than they do. My homemade yogurt, which i made yesterday, turned out fabulous. Thick, smooth, rich and creamy. I had sweetened it with a touch of NuNaturals stevia, the best stevia there is, but just a very little. Sadly, between me and the kids, we ate at least a quart of yogurt, leaving only 2 quarts left. It will never last the weekend, i may have to move it to the downstairs fridge, or perhaps in ice under my bed. To redeem myself, i am going to share my ever so simple recipe for yogurt.
I spend $5.25 for a gallon of raw, organic, grassfed jersey milk and if i use yogurt from a previous batch, that is my total cost for a gallon of delish yogurt. Far cheaper than the cheapest fake stuff from the store and about a million times better for you. Here's the recipe.
HOMEMADE YOGURT:
1 GALLON MILK
3/4 CUP SUGAR (I SKIP OR USE STEVIA)
HEAT MILK TO 180 DEGREES. (I KNOW, YOU'RE BASICALLY PASTEURIZING IT, BUT IT'S WHAT MAKES YOUR YOGURT THICK AND I LIKE THICK YOGURT. )
COOL MILK DOWN TO 110-120 DEGREES
ADD 1 1/2 CUPS YOGURT, WITH LIVE CULTURES, AND STIR WELL. PLACE LID ON AND LET SIT FOR 6-8 HOURS. I SOMETIMES LIKE TO PUT IT IN THE OVEN WITH THE LIGHT ON BUT IT'S NOT NECESSARY. I THEN PLACE IN FRIDGE OVERNIGHT SO IT CAN GET GOOD AND COLD BEFORE DISTURBING IT.
IF YOU WISH, YOU CAN TAKE 1 1/2 CUPS OUT FOR YOUR NEXT BATCH.
That's it. Like all homemade products, it can turn out differently each time, but i've had great success with this recipe. I've tried just heating my milk up to 120 degrees but it simply didn't get thick like we wanted. There's something about the heating process......I guess you could use some gelatin if you wanted so that you're milk would still be raw. I may have to try that. But for now, i think i'm going to go lick my yogurt container out. Would hate to have any probiotics go to waste.
13 March, 2009
Pregnancy Tea
For those of you who are carrying life, or are thinking of it, please check out this tea from http://www.bulkherbstore.com/Mamas-Red-Raspberry-Brew. I actually mixed my own up since i had the ingredients left over from the twins but i highly recommend it! A wonderful mixture of vitamins and minerals, along with the uterus strengthening properties of Red Raspberry. I also thought some of my nausea lifted when i started drinking it, which is a good thing in my opinion. For some reason, i'm just not real fond of sitting on the couch, staring off into space for long periods of time trying to convince myself that it's all in my head. Never works. And when i'm done staring i still have 6 children to feed and mother. That job never changes, regardless of my stomach churning and great longing to forget the world for awhile.
11 March, 2009
Really simple math explained
For those of you who are still trying to figure out what the "really simple math" means........................We're having baby #7!!!!!
To answer the questions, yes, we're excited, ALL babies are a gift, a reward and a blessing and yes, i will continue to homeschool, Lord willing. For the price of tuition we could pay someone quite well to come in and do all my housework. I have the rest of my life to clean and iron but i only have a few short years to teach our children. I am hoping to start school quite early this year so we can take a vacation over the baby's birth which is supposed to happen around November 1, Eric's birthday! The kids thought it would be a great idea to put the baby in a pretty box, with some holes for it too breathe of course, and give it to Eric for a birthday gift. Nice idea, children, but highly impractical.
Emily has been praying for months that Jesus would give her a baby sister so we can't help but wonder if this is the answer to her prayers. We would be thrilled with another son, but for Emily's sake i can't help but hope it's a girl. It would seem so strange to put a baby in a pretty dress, i'm used to blue jeans and sneakers, but what fun it would be.
The children were so excited when they found out that all Eric could do was squeak, Emily stared in shock and Zac kept saying, "yeah right, yeah right." The next morning they all took long looks at my belly and decided that it's definitely getting fatter and that i MUST stop eating anything that's not perfectly healthy because it might hurt the baby. They are, of course, hoping for another set of twins, or perhaps triplets, and i assure them that i would be quite happy with one this time. I guess we'll see..............
To answer the questions, yes, we're excited, ALL babies are a gift, a reward and a blessing and yes, i will continue to homeschool, Lord willing. For the price of tuition we could pay someone quite well to come in and do all my housework. I have the rest of my life to clean and iron but i only have a few short years to teach our children. I am hoping to start school quite early this year so we can take a vacation over the baby's birth which is supposed to happen around November 1, Eric's birthday! The kids thought it would be a great idea to put the baby in a pretty box, with some holes for it too breathe of course, and give it to Eric for a birthday gift. Nice idea, children, but highly impractical.
Emily has been praying for months that Jesus would give her a baby sister so we can't help but wonder if this is the answer to her prayers. We would be thrilled with another son, but for Emily's sake i can't help but hope it's a girl. It would seem so strange to put a baby in a pretty dress, i'm used to blue jeans and sneakers, but what fun it would be.
The children were so excited when they found out that all Eric could do was squeak, Emily stared in shock and Zac kept saying, "yeah right, yeah right." The next morning they all took long looks at my belly and decided that it's definitely getting fatter and that i MUST stop eating anything that's not perfectly healthy because it might hurt the baby. They are, of course, hoping for another set of twins, or perhaps triplets, and i assure them that i would be quite happy with one this time. I guess we'll see..............
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