I just finished a bowl of Raisin Bran instead of sleeping. It's almost 5:30 a.m. and I've been awake since around 2:30. I would say sleeping is overrated but that is a lie. This is not fun. Especially when you're 36 weeks pregnant and baby is in a position that none of our babies has ever been in. At our ultrasound several weeks ago they calmly told me he is breech and a small part of the placenta is covering the cervix. But have no worries, it will probably all fall into place, no pun intended. Instead of it all falling into place, I do believe little man has decided to lay sidewise. It's miserable and causes me to make strange, sudden noises when he turns his hard little noggin and I wonder if it has ever happened where the baby is born out the side of the womb instead of the normal spot.
I want to be spiritual and proclaim loudly to the skeptics that it's no big deal, God and I have this figured out, but I'm too tired. I don't have it figured out and maybe that's because I'm 41 instead of 21. Even as I type this I wonder how I will function this Monday on several hours of sleep and then because that looks overwhelming, I stumble to the bathroom and cry. After crying and telling myself to get over myself, others have it much worse, I help myself to crunchy Raisin Bran and spill my woes online. Not sure which is worse, the crying or spilling, but it's all life and I'm not super woman after all. Which I've suspected for quite a while.
So there you have it. I will be a bit bleary eyed the beginning of this week but I have a strong man who will see to it that I put my feet up and have some peace and quiet. I have teens who have learned well from their father and who make sure I get hot baths and treats while I wonder why anyone even likes me and maybe I'm not fit to be a mother after all. Two of the children bring me a treat from a little dessert cafe that they sneaked to, so they could buy something "just for mom" and I think that maybe we'll survive after all. Hopefully my family will still want to be around me after it's all said and done.
We have a Chinese neighbor whose husband is a doctor studying some new procedure for a year before heading back to China. She is a tv news anchor woman in China and speaks broken English but who does amazingly well for only having been here for 5 months. They have one son and are astounded at the 19 children living in this two family home. She told me Americans don't care about money as much as "spirit" unlike the chinese who care most about wealth. I told her that's not something I had picked up in the Americans and is an interesting perspective. She explained the one child policy of China and how if we would come to China to teach English we could make lots of money. I asked her if we could bring all our children and she assured me that yes, absolutely. I figure we've been in Africa and Boston, why not China. Jonathan, our 9 year old twin, has been sharing Jesus with her when they meet on the street, and I wonder if children aren't the real evangelists. He doesn't know about "building relationships" first but goes right for the heart. She tells him they have many gods and he explains about the Bible and the one God. Well, explaining might be stretching it since his theological views aren't real profound yet and with his fast and breathless speech, I can only guess how much she actually understands. But really, it doesn't matter, because hasn't Jesus said that of such is the kingdom of heaven? Jonathan and the other twin also shared the good news with another neighbor who told them that yes, yes, she knows all about Jesus and the Bible but as she was puffing on a cigarette, they were doubtful she knew as much as she claimed.
So even while I stumble around the house in a fatigue induced state, the proclamation of the gospel goes on. And because its now 6:00 and the sun is beginning to rise, perhaps my body will allow me to fall asleep for a bit but if not, there's always nap time.