I woke up this morning feeling bleary eyed and more than a little heavy laden. Literally. I can hardly walk without waddling, it seems this baby is in one hard little ball in the front. By evening i feel like i should be quacking instead of talking. Anyway, i woke up late, and sat down to have a little quiet time. I wasn't expecting a whole lot, since i didn't feel especially holy or spiritual at the moment. I felt tired, stressed and irritable. Marlin has a busy week with little sleep, (not complaining, i'm SO thankful for his job) but i was a little worried he'd fall asleep on the road. My mother is rapidly getting worse, far faster than we had a clue, and i know the road ahead won't be easy, emotionally or physically. It's almost my due date and i'm not ready. My house felt messy and i thought it smelled worse.
So i sat there with my Bible and a small devotional book that i stole from my mom. And God, in spite of my wretchedness, gave me a verse that jumped out at me. "HAVE I NOT COMMANDED YOU? BE STRONG AND COURAGEOUS! DO NOT TREMBLE OR BE DISMAYED, FOR THE LORD YOUR GOD IS WITH YOU WHEREVER YOU GO." Joshua 1:9
I hear you God, loud and clear. Actually, that whole chapter is amazing and encouraging. Moses, everyone's hero, had just died and God promises Joshua He will be with him, just as He was with Moses. As long as Joshua followed God's commandments and trusted Him, there was nothing that God wouldn't remove from Joshua's path. And that promise holds true for every born again believer today. How in the world can i sit here and fret when i have a God like that backing me up. It would be blasphemy, and i can't tell you what kind of peace that brings to my heart. I don't need to worry about Marlin falling asleep or my mother rapidly turning into someone that i don't know. The baby? God knows the perfect time and all He asks is i look to Him. My big belly is a beautiful thing, something to carry with joy, and if i waddle? It's for a reason that will reach into eternity. I don't even need to carry the worry of raising godly children. As i surrender my life to God Himself, and allow Him to break and mold me, He will also do the same for our children. That's a promise, one that allows me to love my children without reserve, knowing that they are in the palm of God's hand.
I've been saved for 8 years, and i thought my love was sweet that first day i met Him. I knew nothing, and i know nothing yet of the love that God has for His children. There's nothing to do but worship and offer myself to Him, walking in that joy and freedom that only comes from knowing who is in control of my life. And one small sign of His love?
Green tea, sweet, hot, and strong. :) Ahhhh........