Several years ago our family went to hear a group of families sing. The place was full of conservative mennonites, anything from ultra-covered, homemade dress wearing, to mennonite "hotties." You know, the kind with tall black hooker boots and fitted skirts. (and yes, you can wear a cape dress and be a smoldering pot of sensuality) I felt in the comfortable middle, not too extreme on either side. I was wearing one of my favorite skirts and sweater and felt attractive. Partway through the singing i walked back with one of the children and met some family of mine. I knelt in the aisle (this was way in the back, people were scattered all over the place, don't want you thinking i was kneeling in front of 700 people :)and chatted with my aunt for awhile. While i talked to her i tugged at my sweater in the back, knowing that it was borderline short and my skirt fit a little too snug to be kneeling, but i brushed the warning whisper of my conscience away. After all, i had been delivered from an immodest spirit several years ago at salvation and now i was not only modest, i was also "free" from the bondage of conservatism. I finished my conversation and stood up to leave. As i turned around i met the eyes of an older, much respected man, sitting in the back. I don't know exactly what the look in his eyes meant, but my evening was instantly ruined. I felt extremely convicted, although i tried to convince myself that it was condemnation. I write this with tears in my eyes, knowing now that it was the Holy Spirit that was bringing conviction. Sure, i had come a long way, and the majority of my friends would've told me i was perfectly fine, but deep down inside i knew better.
I've been on this modesty journey for over 8 years now, and about the time i think i have it figured out, i discover I've only scratched the surface. I look at Emily and i shudder to think of her being obsessed with fashion and what's "cool" and what's not, and God forbid you don't fit in the cool category. She's so innocent, so sweet, and so totally modest. She has a nightgown that she won't wear outside of her bedroom without wearing a t-shirt underneath. It has a little v on the neck and she feels immodest with that. I've never told her to do that, to be honest i would've never thought of it. But she has. My little girl has convicted me again and again, without her ever having a clue. So that brings me to a question. How do i help my daughter keep that sweet, beautiful, modest spirit? It starts with the mama. It starts with my heart and what's in my heart will soon show on my body. I don't have this modesty journey all figured out. I know God has done a work, and is continuing a work and i'm trusting Him to continue. I want what He wants above all else and so i search my heart, trust my husband's direction, and for what it's worth, i no longer have that skirt or sweater. I got rid of it, not because i finally realized it wasn't modest, but because it no longer fit, due to babies and chocolate. God has more than one way to accomplish His work. :)