A week since we came home from Tenwek....
|The apartment Tenwek so graciously provided while we waited for Hadassah|
|Our Doctors: Kristen Hertler & Aaron Kelley|
2 weeks and 3 days since we found out that we were going to have to give Hadassah up...
So many tears and emotions and through it all a thread of peace. Amazing how we think we could never do something and then when the unthinkable happens we find out that we can. In some ways Hadassah's birth and death has taken away my fear of losing family and in other ways i find myself holding onto them tighter. I've discovered the grace of God is so much bigger than i imagined and that Heaven has become so much closer. There's days when i find myself feeling SO impatient to go to her and i feel jealous that Jesus gets to hold her and love on her, and i wonder if maybe He tells her how much she is loved and missed.
How can we NOT trust someone so amazing? How many times He has proven Himself. How thankful i am for the lessons He taught me on trusting through my mother's illness and death. It's ok if we don't understand and it's ok if it doesn't make "sense." When i look around at the broken marriages and homes that litter Kenya, the many orphans that have no parents to hug them and tell them how incredible and beautiful they are, the husband after husband who is unfaithful, the mother who has lost baby after baby.........my burden feels light and my yoke easy.
I really don't know what all to expect on this journey of grief. Losing my mom was a 9 year walk of agony and tears but her actual death was a glorious relief that her battle was over. Hadassah's birth and death was so fast that i can still hardly take it in. I find crowds of people exhausting although i don't really want to be alone either. I think i'm doing fine and then something small will send me into tears. I see the picture of her little feet and hands and it's like a giant fist squeezing my heart, while at the same time i worship at the awesomeness of a Holy God who can make such perfection. I dread getting back into language school because the last class we took was the day i started having contractions, and it is so incredibly painful to think of how she was with us then. But life goes on. I can kick and scream all i want but it will change nothing. I, no we, CHOOSE by the grace of God, to walk in childlike faith.
And so we take it day by day, moment by moment........
"Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ." Titus 2:13
|THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO SENT FLOWERS!|
(Even from America! Thank you Marlin & Maryann!)