30 November, 2013

Blessed Hope.....

It's been...

A week since we came home from Tenwek....

The apartment Tenwek so graciously provided while we waited for Hadassah

Our Doctors: Kristen Hertler & Aaron Kelley

4 days since Hadassah's funeral...

2 weeks and 3 days since we found out that we were going to have to give Hadassah up...

 So many tears and emotions and through it all a thread of peace.  Amazing how we think we could never do something and then when the unthinkable happens we find out that we can. In some ways Hadassah's birth and death has taken away my fear of losing family and in other ways i find myself holding onto them tighter. I've discovered the grace of God is so much bigger than i imagined and that Heaven has become so much closer. There's days when i find myself feeling SO impatient to go to her and i feel jealous that Jesus gets to hold her and love on her, and i wonder if maybe He tells her how much she is loved and missed. 

   Our hearts have been broken but we pray that through the breaking His glory can shine through. It's been 12 years since Marlin and I met Jesus in a personal way. 12 years since He shattered our lives of sin, anger, and rebellion and gave us new hearts. Just thinking of the miracle of New Birth makes my heart leap with joy and thanksgiving. We have 8 living children.....a miracle in itself of God doing a work in our hearts toward the beauty (and hard work!!!) of family. And i can't even begin to put into words the thankfulness of a marriage with God woven into it. How close we came to divorce and how beautiful His restoration. It's certainly not because of any formula we have followed or because we are such amazing people. It's not because we never disagree or struggle to give and take (make that submit on my part.....some habits die hard) It's only because of Jesus. How patient He has been, how loving, and how relentless.
    How can we NOT trust someone so amazing? How many times He has proven Himself. How thankful i am for the lessons He taught me on trusting through my mother's illness and death. It's ok if  we don't understand and it's ok if it doesn't make "sense." When i look around at the broken marriages and homes that litter Kenya, the many orphans that have no parents to hug them and tell them how incredible and beautiful they are, the husband after husband who is unfaithful, the mother who has lost baby after baby.........my burden feels light and my yoke easy.
   I really don't know what all to expect on this journey of grief. Losing my mom was a 9 year walk of agony and tears but her actual death was a glorious relief that her battle was over. Hadassah's birth and death was so fast that i can still hardly take it in. I find crowds of people exhausting although i don't really want to be alone either. I think i'm doing fine and then something small will send me into tears. I see the picture of her little feet and hands and it's like a giant fist squeezing my heart, while at the same time i worship at the awesomeness of a Holy God who can make such perfection. I dread getting back into language school because the last class we took was the day i started having contractions, and it is so incredibly painful to think of how she was with us then. But life goes on. I can kick and scream all i want but it will change nothing. I, no we, CHOOSE by the grace of God, to walk in childlike faith.

   And so we take it day by day, moment by moment........

"Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ." Titus 2:13

(Even from America! Thank you Marlin & Maryann!)


  1. Darla, somehow we missed the news that your mother passed away. I am sorry! You have been on my mind and will continue to be as you go day by day in this journey of grieving. ♥

  2. Hi Brenda, my mother passed away this past Feb and we got the phone call about Kenya a month later. we would never have considered leaving with my mother living in case she would be able to come "home" to the farm again. But she went home to Jesus instead. God's timing....
    Thanks for your prayers and love!!

  3. Hello Darla! And all you Weavers!
    Thank you for sharing about Hadassah's funeral. I am continually encouraged by your proclamations of praise and of peace! In the midst of a bunch of other hard situations in the lives of loved ones, yours gives me hope.
    I will continue to pray for you that this journey of grief will be eased by the beauty of the Lord and by His presence in your lives! I know it will be! :-)

    Loving you from afar!!

  4. Darla...I finally had a chance to sit down when the house is quiet and there no demands on my time and oh, I so enjoyed reading your blogs and seeing the pictures. My heart breaks - so many emotions...those precious little feet. When I think of Hadassah, I picture her with Mom...holding her, playing with her, laughing - can't you just see it? And hope springs again - some day, we'll be able to join in! I love you, sister...you feel so far away, and I tend to get lost in my daily routine. God is reminding me, and has been, to make time for those I love. I praise God with you and take your family in prayer before our Father, who loves us with a love that we only begin to grasp. And before I forget, drink some chai for me :)

    Your (too often absent) sister, Lori

  5. Hadassah's story is beautiful, and once again, I could so relate to much of what you said--burying her in Kenya, the grief that still comes out of nowhere to almost overwhelm. Your sweet spirit of submission and trust in our Father was even more beautiful to see. Thank you for writing me back after I commented on your blog. I will write you a proper e-mail soon. Right now I am rather engrossed in your blog before I need to go start supper!


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