06 May, 2014

Somewhere Beyond the Sunset

   She was only 62 when she died, her body wasted and frail, her mind gone. The day she met Jesus i was gloriously happy for her. We were all exhausted after the long, heart rending 9 year journey into her private hell of mind loss and delusions, and i thot my grieving had happened. But still i grieve and i realize that in some ways you never really get over losing your mother. She gave life to me, nurtured me, laughed with me, spanked me, and cried over me. She was intricably woven into my life and even now she is a part of who i am.

  I catch myself thinking that when we go "home" she will be there, her eyes crinkling with smiles and her arms outstretched. I think over and over again how much she would love visiting Kenya, and how proud she would be of my row of handsome boys and our beautiful daughters.

  Sometimes it takes my breath away when i realize again that she's really, truly gone. And it seems impossible.

  I think of her with Hadassah and that makes me happy, mixed up with sad. She was the kind of person that drew people towards her with her great sense of humor and sometimes also made them mad. She was opinionated and so very full of energy and life, her feet tapping on the floor as she rushed from one job to another. But always, always, she had time for coffee and i used to long to live close beside her as my little ones were born, one after another. I used to dream how wonderful it would be to sit at the table and sip coffee while laughing at the craziness of those Weaver kids.

  She accepted me for who i was and sadly, i didn't always accept her until it was almost to late. I kept thinking she should change this in her life, and that, until God opened my eyes that His love is unconditional and what He really wanted from me was to love her exactly where she was. And by then she needed love more than anything else. He gave us the honor of living beside her and taking care of her while the dementia slowly robbed her of life and dignity. I grew up a whole lot those two years and learned about sacrificial love, and through it all my Heavenly Father taught me of His grace and love.

  So Happy Mother's Day, mom. We love you, always always will. We don't wish you back, so while life races on, we will keep you in our hearts. Hold Hadassah and our two other wee babies for me until i get there.

Love, Darla


  1. Beautiful blog..Darla!!! I can still see your Moms sweet smile and we so much enjoyed those times spent with your family. Sweet precious memories ..how they linger!!!! Happy Mothers day to you!

  2. Darla, what a wonderful way to honor your mom... it encourages me to look at my mother (and mother-in-law!) with new eyes, love her the way she it, and cherish the time I have left with her. I am glad I was able to meet your mom (albeit briefly), but I am more glad to have been able to see your love for her. You did grow a lot in those two years - beautifully, gently, wonderfully. And you continue to grow now.

    May we never stop!

  3. Hi Darla, i just visited u r blog 4 the first time since ur in kenya..i didnt know u were blogging again..WOW what a journey..my heart aches 4 u 4 the little girl u gave back so soon..praying Gods peace 4 u all..appendix surgery in another country oh my i had a burst appendix in feb2013 i thought it was a horrible experince and recovery..u didnt talk about ur recovery alot but then again if im not mistaken u r a bit younger than me :) our next door neighbors kenneth and jolene eby moved 2 uganda beside lake victoria and we get newsletters from them every few months we enjoy hearing from africa :) i have yet 2 go c ur old place in mclure where my neice gina and mike live now. will keep checkin 4 new blogs..God bless anna stauffer


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