I catch myself thinking that when we go "home" she will be there, her eyes crinkling with smiles and her arms outstretched. I think over and over again how much she would love visiting Kenya, and how proud she would be of my row of handsome boys and our beautiful daughters.
Sometimes it takes my breath away when i realize again that she's really, truly gone. And it seems impossible.
I think of her with Hadassah and that makes me happy, mixed up with sad. She was the kind of person that drew people towards her with her great sense of humor and sometimes also made them mad. She was opinionated and so very full of energy and life, her feet tapping on the floor as she rushed from one job to another. But always, always, she had time for coffee and i used to long to live close beside her as my little ones were born, one after another. I used to dream how wonderful it would be to sit at the table and sip coffee while laughing at the craziness of those Weaver kids.
She accepted me for who i was and sadly, i didn't always accept her until it was almost to late. I kept thinking she should change this in her life, and that, until God opened my eyes that His love is unconditional and what He really wanted from me was to love her exactly where she was. And by then she needed love more than anything else. He gave us the honor of living beside her and taking care of her while the dementia slowly robbed her of life and dignity. I grew up a whole lot those two years and learned about sacrificial love, and through it all my Heavenly Father taught me of His grace and love.
So Happy Mother's Day, mom. We love you, always always will. We don't wish you back, so while life races on, we will keep you in our hearts. Hold Hadassah and our two other wee babies for me until i get there.