So the homeschool convention is over, and it was both exhilarating and exhausting. I was so glad Marlin went along. Although he didn't say much as we browsed aisle after aisle of booths and listened to various speakers, his presence was a steadying influence and in the end, he made the decision of what we're going to be doing this coming school year. It's the first year where he will be actively planning and researching what we'll be doing. I realized some very painful things that day, one of them being that i have surrendered and trust Marlin with every facet of our lives except in one. Homeschooling. I love books, i love teaching our kids and i love the relationship that has developed, and is developing between me and the children. I always talked to Marlin about what we were doing or going to do, but as far as really trusting him with what to use, well, i figured i'm the one doing the hands on work and i'm the one researching all the pro's and con's of each style of teaching. That meant that i know best, right? WRONG!!!! Marlin totally trusted me, but whenever he would make suggestions i would brush them aside. Besides, he has a lot of responsibility at work and the last thing he needs to do is worry about home schooling, or so i thought. So, although he is 200% behind home schooling, i've carried the burden alone and as any honest woman knows, that's a recipe for disaster. I'd been praying about him being more involved for a while but didn't realize that he wasn't the problem......it was me. Ouch.
So we're walking around looking at ALL THIS STUFF and i started getting a serious headache. I felt like walking out or at least throwing a grown up temper tantrum. There was curriculum there that we were seriously considering but something held me back. I know now that it was God, He had a few things to show me. Marlin was supportive of me buying it but i didn't sense a real excitement from him and at that point i wanted to walk out and not talk to anyone for a very long time. As we were preparing to leave, some friends came over and she showed me some books she had gotten. It wasn't a "curriculum" so to speak but had a lot of potential if someone wanted to pull their own stuff together. It was based on missionaries and the books were simple and well written. We went over to the booth where these books were (YWAM)and Marlin instantly said this is it. This is what we're going to do, along with note booking. (another whole subject, five in a row style) I was hesitant but agreed, so we walked out with a whole stack of books. A real battle had started waging in my heart. The real issue? Marlin had made the final decision, not Darla, and the short and the long of it was, Darla didn't trust her man. Again, OUCH!!! I had been praying all day that God would make His will clear and that He would speak through my man, and i almost missed it.
By evening i was a wreck and totally depressed that i hadn't gone with the planned curriculum. I was stressed about planning the whole year and doing the research necessary to pull everything together. I'm having a baby, for pity's sake, what were we thinking!! So after the kids were in bed, i sat down with Marlin and totally unloaded my entire problem. At first he did the man thing and tried to "fix" it by saying we'll get what i want. But i knew something still wasn't right, i also knew he wanted to please me and something still held me back. So i asked Marlin to please listen to my heart before he "fixes" it, and then whatever he decides i will trust is God. As i talked, my eyes were opened and i saw the issue for what it really was. I was shocked when i realized how it was an issue of control and how God was answering my prayer to have Marlin actively involved and i wanted to throw everything out for something "safe." I trusted a complete stranger to tell me how to home school, but i didn't trust the leader that God had given me. A large business trusts my man to manage one of their stores, involving thousands of dollars a month and many, many people, and i don't think he's capable of home schooling. I don't think he's capable of preparing our children to live in the "real" world. I can assure you, when the Holy Spirit opens your eyes, He does it right and it went right to my heart. Oh, i had some serious repenting to do and it was beautiful. After i was done talking,i asked Marlin if his spirit connects with what i'm saying and he grinned, nodded his head and agreed.
Marlin wants to help plan the year, he already has wonderful ideas of where we'll be taking this, (he's one of the most creative men i know) and i almost lost the opportunity of a lifetime. He's offered to plan as much as i want, and Eric is beside himself that dad is going to be involved like this. I happen to know that Marlin will not put up with sloppy work and laziness and will probably make the children toe the line far more than i have. Oh, i can't believe i almost lost this but God is gracious, and and worked with his rather thick headed daughter. The awesome thing is, with the baby coming Marlin will already be involved to the point where he can step in and take over. I will still have the bulk of the work during the day, but Marlin will carry the bulk of the responsibility and any attitude issues or lack of "discipline" in the childrens lives? He will take over, since he will be involved with every area of it. This will be an interesting year.........and i can't wait. God is good!!