15 September, 2009

A Sign.........

I sat in the recliner this morning, desperately trying to make a connection with God and failing miserably. I feel like i need a sign that God loves me still, in spite of my ugliness. No sign appears...... I feel irritable and my day hasn't even started. HELP! Will i always feel hormonal and inclined to snap at someone rather than cuddle with them? Cuddle? Nope, not in the mood. Every time i hold a child i get a contraction, every time they lean against me i feel like pushing them away. Of course i paste a smile on my face and try to be cheerful. It only works for a few minutes.

I heave myself off the chair and get the oldest 2 children up to work on school. Surprisingly it goes fairly well, although it's easy to control your irritability when there's only 2 of them up. Where has my joy gone? I know pregnancy brings huge hormonal changes but i don't want to use that as an excuse. I'm in danger of my man never allowing me to ever get pregnant again as it is. Surely God's grace is sufficient but i can't say i'm feeling much of a supply right now. By breakfast i'm in danger of frying the kids along with the pancakes and i know i need help. Some caffeine perhaps? Or maybe.............i head to the bedrooom, shut my door and get on my knees. "Lord, i'm a miserable, wretched, grouchy woman. I can't even pretend to be cheerful unless you do the work in my heart. Help me, OH PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!" I go back to the kitchen and continue making breakfast when it hits me. The grouchiness is gone. Totally GONE! In place of that i feel a bubbling joyfulness, a love for the children, and they're no longer in danger of losing their little heads. I've received my sign...........


  1. Praise God! Ahhh! How easily you put into words my all too frequent struggle. "Who shall free me from this body of death? I THANK GOD - THROUGH CHRIST JESUS..."

    Thank you, Jesus for you fresh new mercies, every morning. If only we'd plug into them, pick them up, walk in them...

    Thanks, Darla, for this wonderful reminder of where to turn... where to ABIDE!!!

    Love and miss you!

  2. Hi Licia, i miss you to! I was just thinking about you this week,wondering how your'e doing.

    Love you!

  3. I know that struggle all too well.... :)


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