09 April, 2010

Radicals and Fools

Fear. Lurking around the corners, mocking your prayers, ruining your peace. That's how fear works and i believe it's one of Satan's most used tools. I've dealt with a lot of fear since salvation but have also found freedom, but lately it has come in waves, washing away my confidence. It caught me off guard, which is often how it strikes, when you're least expecting it. Fear of death. You know, when the Esh family of 10 was killed, the children and i were looking at some pictures of them and their family, along with the song of heaven they had sang, and i told the children that i'm excited for them. What a beautiful place they're in. And i meant it from the bottom of my heart. And then someone sent a picture of the caskets all lined up, and without warning i was completely blindsided by fear. Seeing my children lying there, myself, my family, and that night i had nightmare after nightmare. I woke up, worrying that one of the twins will drown in the pond at the farm, worrying that i will die and leave my children motherless, worrying that Marlin would be taken, afraid to drive into town for fear something will happen, afraid to even look out the window at night. FEAR!!!! And how interesting that the fear would come at the same time that i sense God asking for radical surrender and trust once again in my life. The kind of radical surrender that trusts like a child. The kind that rocks my world and comfort zone. I think of all the Christians gone before, who lived that kind of radical surrender and died for it. Who lived it, in spite of what the world and the church thought. People will call you a fool for having that kind of trust.......they will say you need to use common sense........

I serve a radical God, and i choose to trust with a radical faith.


  1. I have found myself dealing with some pretty major anxiety recently. I know that it has to do with fear - fear that I'm not in control (which of course, I'm not - duh!).
    But God is good and has provided a way for us to have peace....and not fear. I thank you for your honesty, from one momma to another....

  2. Thank you for your thoughts, Darla. You are certainly not alone in dealing with fear. Satan likes to get me dwelling on the what ifs and imagining scenarios to the point that they seem so real. And yes, then it is hard to live in the peace of God and with a surrendered heart. I really appreciated this post as it is something I've been thinking about alot lately. Praying for you... Cheryl


Please leave your name (if it is not in your Google ID) so we know who you are. Thanks.