28 October, 2010

Reality Check...........

It's been one of those weeks. You know, when things just don't flow. Actually, i did have some good mornings but by evening i'd be feeling exhausted, stressed and grouchy. However, we did get some big things done. Take yesterday for example. A friend came over and we baked 32 loaves of bread. Yup, 32 loaves and except for a few that we ate, they all went into my freezer. Actually, i did very little of the baking, my friend did pretty much all of it, while i tried to look organized and failed miserably. My organizational skills hit bottom when i discovered water in my bag of newly bought wheat. Two little boys+water=disaster.

Eric is having a mental block with his division, and i am having a heart block with my mother. Disappointed in myself for my lack of grace, i heap condemnation on my head, which does nothing to help matters. God seems rather distant, and i find myself questioning why He would want anything to do with a wretch like me. I also find myself perusing Alzheimer's websites, and leave them feeling worse, haunted by the fact that it could happen to me and my children may someday deal with the same emotions that i'm battling through. I thought i had worked through all that, only to discover that it's a continual process. My heart aches for my father, as i realize he carries the far greater burden, and if people only knew the tremendous emotional strain of taking care of someone with dementia, they would visit him far more often. Nothing lifts the burden for the caretaker more than people stopping in, if only to chat for a few minutes.

So now you know. I don't live in a rose colored cloud..........oh, you didn't think that before? Well, now you know for sure. :) So what to do? Drink some green tea, take a deep breath and start singing. Now if i could only remember the words.........


  1. I pray for you and think of you often. You and your family will always have a special place in my heart.

    about the division? Set it down until the dust settles. Focus on something he's really good at for a while to build his confidence. Simple advice, but it works.

  2. Keep looking up, my dear! I will continue to pray for you as you deal with your mother and the challenges of homeschooling and raising a family on the farm! We would love to see where you call home sometime! Wow! We might even get a treat of homemade bread if we'd stop in!!:) God bless you...you are doing a wonderful job in my book! Love ya, Jewel

  3. Oh I so get those kind of weeks. I am realizing that I oscilate between feeling really good (self-exultation) and really bad about myself (self-condemnation) depending on how I "perform" during the day. God views me the same no matter how I do...one of these days I just might get that! His grace is sufficient for ALL my weakness! :) Praying that we will both be able to praise HIM in the storms that life brings.

    Oh and we so enjoyed visiting with you guys when you were here!

    Blessings to you.

  4. Dear Darla,
    Just a few words from someone who is still getting to know you...I know that you're not perfect and don't always feel like you have it together...but from the bottom of my heart I want you to know that you are an inspiration to me. Even that word sounds too trite...maybe it's more of a "comfort". Huh? From the outside looking in and from the delightful conversations that I've had with you I know that your heart is hungry for God and for doing His will and for fighting His battles. I'm so encouraged to know that you are over there plugging away through the mundane and the mountainous and then I get to see your radiant countenance on Sunday and be encouraged in my battles. I guess that's why I use the word "comfort" to describe you. I'm not a flatterer, I mean this not just to make you feel better after a blah week, but as a fellow soldier encouraging you to get up and keep fighting and singing! Love you...

  5. Amen to what Cheryl said so well! I'm pulling for you, 'guys'!!!

  6. oh 'man' will I'ever' get this right? above comment from 'aunt' Pauline


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