Her name is Mid. She's white haired, 78 years old, slightly stooped and hides behind her curtains when someone knocks. She lives alone, her husband having died 15 years ago, 2 of her children also dead and the rest of her children busy. She's a Jehovah's Witness and she's my neighbor, living at the end of our lane in a small, tired white house, crammed with pictures and knick knacks. She's eccentric and she really does not know where she's going to go when she dies. She hopes she knows Jesus and she certainly knows scriptures. At least certain ones and to my utter shame, she knows them far better than i. But when she mentions Jesus and i ask her if she knows Him personally, she looks at me and answers that she "hopes" she does. I assure her she can really know, but she in return informs me that no one can really know if they're saved. I find myself looking at her, feeling so incredibly inadequate to know how to point her to Christ, and yet knowing that God has put her back into my life for a reason. She talks about God separating the sheep from the goats and when i ask her which side she'll be on, she looks hopeless and says she doesn't know. I pray with her before Emily and i leave, promising to come back again, knowing i have to, the love of Christ compelling me.
Emily and i walk back home, talking about her and how we want her to find Jesus before she dies. I fight the feelings of panic rising within me as i realize how i have no clue how to lead someone to Christ. I feel so small, so human........i meet Marlin on the way to the barn and he listens as i pour out my heart and how i don't know what to do next. He tells me i'm making it to hard, that it's not about "knowing" the right things to say but it's simply letting the Holy Spirit speak through us. I'm already thinking of books to read to show me how and he tells me all i need is the book of John. I sigh and walk back to the house.
As i throw a chicken into the kettle and start the rice cooking, i think, and ponder and start to feel really miserable. I feel like it's no use, i can't help Mid, i might as well give up. A darkness settles over me and a heaviness makes my spirit sluggish. Emily comes in and tells me, tears in her voice, that she feels so incredibly unhappy and she doesn't know why. She thinks maybe a punishment might make her feel better and when i ask her if she did something wrong, she says no, but might it help? She has a "big lump in her throat" and wishes she didn't feel so horrible. We stare at each other in misery and i start to realize what is happening. Gathering Emily close we pray for Mid, that Jesus might be with her and that He would show us how to love her. We pray for the darkness to lift and afterwards we start singing. Not because we feel like it but because there is power in singing. The cloud didn't lift immediately and even now i can feel a war raging. I asked Marlin about it when he came in from milking and he simply nodded and said spiritual warfare. And so we fight. Not with carnal weapons but with the power of Jesus Christ. And i ask you to pray. Pray that Mid would see truth and light and that we would simply walk in His power. And i lay it down....down at the feet of my Savior, knowing that it's His burden to carry and we are only the messengers.