I gently rocked Jacob in the quiet hallway, insulated from the rest of the church on a peaceful Sunday morning. Struggling internally with different situations in our life, i cried out a prayer from the deepest part of myself. "God, show me truth. At ANY cost, at any price, show me YOUR heart and show us truth. And o God, give us the courage to follow you."
First and foremost i am a follower of Jesus Christ. All else in my life, including my children, my husband, my family, my friends, and most of all, MYSELF, comes secondary. The Bible is clear, if you love these more than Him, you are not fit for the kingdom. God is taking me through a time of personal refinement, cutting away at some of the things that mean the most to me. The cutting is deep and terribly painful.........i have spent hours sobbing the nights away and yet i must have truth at ALL costs. I don't want tradition, i don't want peoples personal opinions, i don't even want my husband's....no, i must know within the deepest part of myself that i am following the King Himself. As the world crumbles around us, as the real Jesus fades farther and farther away, only truth and the people that are willing to follow at all cost will survive. As i have searched my heart, as i have cried out to both my God and my husband, one thing has become clear. Jesus came not to bring peace in the world's sense, but He came carrying a sword. That sword slices through our personal lives, destroying anything that hinders His glory and i have but one choice. Either i fall on the rock and let it break me, or that rock will fall on me, destroying me completely and utterly. I make that choice, not once but again and again. I fall and in that falling, He picks me up, gathers up the shattered pieces and begins to create something that only He can create. That He wants these shattered pieces at all is a beautiful miracle and He recreates with the most tender love ever known. But first....first you and i must fall, heedlessly, recklessly but most importantly, completely. It will cost you everything but in the end, you will gain the world.
Will you fall with me?