12 October, 2013

I'm Pressing on the Upward Way

  It's been a hard week. Chicken butchering with the mission compound on monday and trying to figure out why i wanted to throw up the whole time......by Tuesday i had severe cramps and "the other part" that goes along with that type of thing. Wednesday i felt better, altho weak and still running to the bathroom every few minutes.....by yesterday i was barely moving, exhausted from whatever is ailing my system and this morning i found myself praying desperately for enough energy to work on a huge pile of laundry. Suspecting i picked up something from the native's house we ate at sunday but not sure what to do, since most of the treatments for that kind of thing aren't safe for pregnant women. Discouragement, anger, frustration......

   And then this morning i heard it. At first i was sure it was my imagination, or maybe i was finally hallucinating from dehydration. All we ever hear from the streets is bar music and shouting. But no, a song.....in perfect harmony from somewhere out in the street....in Luo. And somehow it meant so much more to me in Luo. Those men singing it will never know that they were singing it for a white woman, who sat there with tears in her eyes, her heart reaching towards these dark skinned people and towards both their God and hers. A song my heart has often gone to in hard times, when i have felt stretched beyond bearing, my eyes lingering on the words in church, whispering them to myself and feeling my spirit stretch in faith towards my God.

           "I'm pressing on the upward way
New heights I'm gaining every day
Still praying as I onward bound,
Lord plant my feet on higher ground.......

I want to live above the world,
Tho Satan's darts at me are hurled;
For faith has caught the joyful sound,
The song of saints on higher ground....

Lord lift me up and let me stand, 
By faith on heaven's table land,
A higher plane than i have found;
Lord plant my feet on higher ground.

   As i wrung water out of shirt after shirt and found myself sinking in self pity, those words continued to come back too me, buoying my spirit and ministering to my soul. It's not about my wants or my desires or even about what i think should or should not be. It's about refusing to give room to my flesh, refusing to dwell on what i want or wish, but pressing onward, upward.......


1 comment:

  1. How sweet, how wonderful, how deep and faithful is the Father's love for us! For YOU! A song for your heart in times of need, so clearly a gift from the One who loves you and knows your struggles.

    May your feet continue to be planted firmly on higher ground, on the Rock that is our foundation.

    And my you know ever more the depths of His love for you...


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