There is no feeling like that of our Heavenly Father carrying us, comforting and wrapping us in His peace. We find ourselves weeping, with the cries coming from the bottom of our hearts. Emily says she will feel actually happy for a bit and then she remembers... and it feels like her world's crashing all over again. But woven through the pain is something beautiful. We can say from the bottom of our hearts "GOD -YOU HAVE BEEN GOOD"!!!!
Today we met with the doctor and his wife from Tenwek Missionary Hospital and we sat with awed amazement as God used these people to show us His heart and His compassion. The missionaries at our compound prayed at prayer meeting last evening that we would get crystal clear answers today and God has answered. After seeing the reports and ultrasound pictures he said there is no doubt that she has anencephaly. The obstetrician from the hospital also came down and they did another ultrasound and even Marlin could clearly see what was wrong. The big concern right now is the fact that i have leaked amniotic fluid which means that i have a weakened spot in the amniotic sac. Even a pinhole sized hole could cause infection, putting my life in danger. Also with the amount of fluid built up, if my water were to break there is danger of the placenta being flushed out before the baby. There was no doubt in either the Doctor's or Marlin's mind after once again seeing the final and third ultrasound that we need to induce labor. The doctors were incredible and after the consultation they put their arms around us and prayed over us. Never once did we feel pressured either way but simply felt the presence of God as we asked them all the questions nagging at us.
So Lord willing, on Monday morning, we will be heading back to Tenwek to be induced. They have offered us a 3 bedroom apartment that is available in the Tenwek compound to use for as long as we need. They have also offered to allow me to labor and deliver in the comfort of their own personal apartment, so the children and friend who will be going along to babysit, can use "ours" for their use while I'm in labor. If all goes well, after our baby girl is born they will dress her and we will then be allowed to spend as much time as needed to say good by. All meals will be provided and their legal department will handle all the paperwork needed for us to bury our baby here in Kenya. Kenyans bury at their homes and there's never been an AMA missionary buried here so we are still figuring out where she will be buried.
I never dreamt that God would provide so above and beyond what we could have even thought of asking. To be surrounded by loving, supportive, godly care in the comfort of a home but yet with the best medical care available is a tremendous faith builder. If an emergency happens and i need a c-section we are right behind the hospital. I'm not exactly sure when we will have the burial service but that will depend on how I'am feeling, and when I can travel home. How can i not say that God is good? And if i need to deliver in an emergency here in Kisumu? God is STILL good.
But my flesh still shrinks at going through the pain of labor and delivery. I always wondered how women deal with it when they know they will have to go through the agony of birth only to have to give up their baby afterwards. Now i know...you simply do the next thing. I'm hanging on to God for all I'm worth and so my heart is filled with peace, in spite of my flesh trying to run. They will have some pain meds there for me but i do not have the option of an epidural and that's ok. How can it not be, when God's hand is clearly orchestrating the details.
And so our hearts are filled with ache and awe at the same time. When it's all over and life will have settled back to "normal" i know the grief will go to another level. Right now we are focused on doing what needs to be done and that kind of helps the pain a bit but afterwards......
Keep praying, friends. We feel the prayers so very much.