We went in for our third ultrasound today and our suspicions were confirmed. No doubt about it, the male genes are still alive and well in the Weaver family.
I know the question that so many people are going to wonder but not have the courage to ask. Are we disappointed? So while i lay on that very same table that i lay with Hadassah, and even wearing the very same dress, i searched my heart. Was i disappointed? I knew Marlin wasn't but i wanted to be honest with my own heart and not just say the "right" thing, whatever that is.
The short answer? No. Not at all.
The long answer is that while i'm not disappointed for myself, i do hurt for Emily. The tears gathered in her eyes, even while she tried so hard to be brave. It doesn't make sense to her that her longed for little sister died but yet another brother seems quite active and healthy. That doesn't mean she's not excited, she is. She's already frustrated that she will be in school while there's a little baby at home and is plotting how to stay at home as much as possible. She's also quite jealous at the thought of other people holding him, but her heart longs for pink dresses and little hair bows and that's ok. God is wanting to use all this to continue developing her into the young woman that He is calling her to be.
Myself? i kept grinning like an idiot while we waited for the paper work to be finished at the hospital. I would force my face into a calm, blank stare until i realized i was staring at faces without seeing them, all the while smiling.
Afterwards Marlin took me to a gorgeous place by the lake for lunch to celebrate. We sat by the water and sipped our drinks, while the baby and my heart did a happy dance. Sure, i'm fat and getting fatter. My ligaments are giving me some serious discomfort this pregnancy and some days i think perhaps i'm getting to old to have babies. But when i saw that little punkin' just waving and kicking, i knew it is worth it all.
GOD IS SO GOOD!!