My Mother and I

I wrote a post a number of months ago about how my mother's memory was slipping, along with her ability to hold a normal conversation, do your normal jobs and so many other things that we take for granted. The hardest part is that she has been aware of it happening, even after 4 years she's fully aware that she no longer is "normal." The medical world has no answers other than drugs, so my father has taken the natural route, working with a respected natural doctor who thinks he can help. I'm so proud of my father for throwing himself into cooking and cooking as healthy as he can. They drink raw milk, eat raw butter and he's really working on cutting out white sugar. Will it "fix" her? It definitely won't hurt and who knows........her weight, however, keeps dropping so they are now taking tests to make sure her pancreas is working. Your pancreas produces hydrochloric acid which breaks down your food so your body can process the much needed nutrients. That's a very simplified version of how i understood it.

One of the reasons of us moving up here was to be closer to my parents and to simply lend our support. Especially for me as a daughter to be able to help out more. God has moved in our hearts the last several years in the area of honoring our parents and it was over 2 years ago when we both sensed God telling us it's a matter of time before we're up here. There were so many unanswered questions and yet we knew our only true option was to seek God's heart and trust Him to guide us, no matter what the rest of the world told us. I've been so incredibly proud of my man and his willingness to become more actively involved in his in-laws lives. But that's still not the true reason i'm writing this post. The true reason?

The last while i was with my mother i found myself struggling with anger towards her. I felt frustrated at some of the things she would say and i found myself with having no clue as to how to relate. And to be honest, the last thing i felt like doing was get more involved in her life. I wanted to run from the pain of seeing my mother like this and i had all the good reasons why i couldn't spend much time with her. After all, i'm very busy, very very busy. But as usual, God doesn't give up that easy. So that's how i found myself headed over there this week to spend some time with her. We had been over just the past Sunday evening as a family but something nudged me to go again. I asked myself why, when i had so many other things to do, but when i called Marlin he told me to go. So i did. She was so happy to see us and i spent the morning doing some work around the house. And while i worked and she followed me around, God did a work in my heart. A softening, a compassion and a realization that what she needs is not pity, but simple love for her exactly where she's at. To give her something to live for and someone to laugh with. And i found a measure of healing in my heart, and a realization that i needed to spend some time with my mother as much as she needed to spend it with her daughter. And i found myself being the one blessed and i knew once again that we had made the right decision in moving up here. It's not about me "doing my duty" or "doing the right thing", it's about love, not only for my mother but even more for my God who has poured His incredible love and grace into my life. How can i do anything else but pass that love and grace to the people around me.........