I let out a deep sigh and let the music sink into my very soul. Just as i am.....i give Him myself and just as i am.... He receives me.
He is worthy, I am not.........and yet not only does He receive me, He WANTS me. O wonder of wonders........
I want Him with every fiber of my being......I crave His nearness, and I long to feel His touch on my life. When that touch happens, it surprises me anew every time, washing over me and carrying me into His arms.
When that nearness fades and I find myself in a wilderness of bewilderment, I search my heart and many times it's the very small things that have disrupted that precious communion with my heavenly Father.
I've surrendered all the big things in my life.........my very life....my marriage....my children.....my womb.....my friends......my finances........my future........
Sometimes it's those small things that cause much upheaval......a clinging if you wish to paltry, childish toys......
"Lord, you want.......my favorite sweater? But......i like it, it's the favorite thing in my closet.....actually, i love it......i can't afford to buy a new one and it makes me feel pretty........"
I wear it anyway but the joy is gone. The stubbornness lingers......after all, God wouldn't care about something so small.....a piece of material, soft against my cheek....my favorite......I've given up so much already, why would He want something so insignificant.....
I toss and turn in my bed, unable to sleep......3 times He has asked me to do something small and 3 times I've ignored His gentle voice.......
The next morning I gather the children around and with a scissors I shred the sweater to pieces.......I explain to them in simple words my dedication to give even the very smallest things in my life to Him and to obey.....every time....always.
The tears trickle down my cheeks......I no longer care about my favorite piece of soft material.........but my heart aches at the Judas in my soul....that for a piece of silver I would walk away from His presence....
Marlin's eyes are tender on my face........knowing........knowing all along that God was doing a much deeper work in my heart than a piece of clothing.
Now, THAT my dear didn't even need any pictures! Jesus is worthy, worthy of it all....let not the world try to dismiss this work, no matter how it appears. Go for God...run to Him, cling to Him....Hold His word precious and obey even His smallest requests....I love seeing the work of beauty He is doing in you....I too need this work. Pray for me too.... "I need the prayers of those I love".....
ReplyDeletePraying for you and loving you, my dear sister...
Billie XO
Just As I Am.
ReplyDeleteHumbled. Convicted. Challenged. Faltering. Weak.
After reading this I marveled at your vulnerability. Your openness before your children. I know that a work needs to be done in my soul; without a work, my stubbornness will remain. In all honesty, I know that without a work, I will never be so open and vulnerable.
Thank you for the beautiful picture you have given me - a picture of a living sacrifice willingly remaining on the alter. Thank you for the challenge to surrender all, even... no, especially... the little things.
May my "Just As I Am" turn into "I Surrender All"
Ah, Billie and Licia.....both of you are a tremendous inspiration in my life. Thank you for allowing me to be vulnerable.......and real.....
ReplyDelete~Darla
Wow Darla! That is so precious! So convicting! Thanx for this great challenge...to rid ourselves of even the things that look so small and inconspicuous but yet mean so much to us. God help us all stay in tune with that quiet, gentle prodding from God to mind the spirit! Love you, Jewel
ReplyDelete