Mom, i miss you.........

I miss the mother you used to be.......

I miss the way your eyes would crinkle in laughter.......

I miss our mid evening pizza parties while we cleaned the doctor's office, the way you always made time for a snack and laughter. You always made sure you shared the paycheck with us, although you needed it yourself..........

I miss the smell of coffee on the way home from church Sunday evenings, the steam pouring out of your thermos, filling the car with the smell of comfort and security.............

I miss the way you would listen to every word we spoke as we shared our teenager ups and downs........

I miss the sound of your feet, quick and sure, beating a rhythm across the kitchen floor early in the morning and late at night. It made me feel safe and happy.........

I miss the laughter of delight as you held your grandchildren for the first time.......

I miss the smell of Murphy's oil soap you used on Saturday cleaning..........

I miss the way your hands always smelled of lotion.........

I miss the way I always knew that you loved me, even when I messed up terribly.........

I miss you, mom, and i want you back. Some days I feel I can't go on and I beg our Heavenly Father to release you from this sadness that is now your life. I know you weren't perfect, but in taking care of you I know in whom you have put your trust, and I rest in the love and grace that I know surrounds you from above. I remember you saying many times over growing up that you want many songs to be sung at your funeral........joyful songs. Someday you will be released from the shell that has become you.....and when that happens, i will rejoice with you, knowing that some glorious day i will see you again the way you used to be, only much better. I will sing those joyous songs with tears running down my face........until then, it is my turn to bring security into your life. To hug you when you're worried and to tell you that i love you. It is an honor to be your daughter and I pray that God would give me the strength and grace to be all in your life that He wants me to be.

My mother........an eternity ago